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Author Topic: Cycle of conflict -need help  (Read 1398 times)
wishfulthinking
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 372



« Reply #30 on: August 15, 2013, 02:18:24 PM »

Sigh... . he got the tables but we have to pick them up at 5   I was really hoping that wouldn't come through.  Anyway, it has so I'm going to do what I can and only take what I think is going to be worth my while.  As for unloading tables, if he can't help me, it won't be done.  Now I just have to SET him straight on that part of it... .

Let's see... .

I know you are swamped at work and have been very busy and stressed.  I appreciate how hard you work very much. I'm not sure I can get those tables unloaded by myself and I'm afraid with only me working I won't be able to sell, take money, and watch for theft at the same time.  Do you think you could find someone to help or get off work to help me?
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Scarlet Phoenix
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Together 9 years
Posts: 1155



« Reply #31 on: August 15, 2013, 02:30:28 PM »

Limiting what you're taking is a good idea, listen to your inner self about how much you're willing to put into this so that you don't end up overdoing it and then feeling steaming mad about it afterwards.

Your SET looks good  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

If I could suggest just one thing: maybe being more clear on the empathy part (validating his feeling, saying something along the lines of I can see that you're... . /you seem ... . / it must be ... . for you right now)

The E-part (empathy/validating) is the key to making SET work.

It might also an idea to tweak the question a little where you don't actually ask him if he maybe could find someone (chances are he'll say no). How about "Who can you contact to help me?"

In the end, you know him better than I, so go with your gut.
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~~ The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; who strives valiantly; who errs; who comes short again and again ... and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly ~~ Become who you are ~~
wishfulthinking
****
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 372



« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2013, 02:33:53 PM »

I will change my SET like that.  I'm still working all this out, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  A LOT to learn!
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Scarlet Phoenix
Retired Staff
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Together 9 years
Posts: 1155



« Reply #33 on: August 15, 2013, 02:39:05 PM »

Yes, it can be pretty steep climbing in the beginning, but now you're on your way!
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~~ The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; who strives valiantly; who errs; who comes short again and again ... and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly ~~ Become who you are ~~
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