That message

[Scout99]

The phonecall took me by surprise. I didn't know what she was going to say & I was out with friends. I knew it was something serious because she tried calling repeatedly.

I only saw this other girl because my heart had just been ripped from my chest and I thought the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

Whether she was drunk and regrets the call, I don't know. I won't really know until I speak to her today.

It's all caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting it. What's she gonna do, finish with this ther guy and get back with me? Is she gonna say she was drunk and it was a mistake? I really don't know.

Maybe she is going to "get under" the other guy until you figure out you... .


Best Wishes

Scout99

[Eric1]

I'll wait till I speak to her.

[123Phoebe]

I'll wait till I speak to her.

About what exactly?

Have you read up on the Communication tools?  Checked out the Workshops?

I think it would be worth your while, Eric.  There's a lot of really good information available on the website if we choose to seek it out and apply it to our lives and situations... .

Good luck!

[Eric1]

She said she would call me today.

If she does ask if I've been with anyone, should I be honest?

[123Phoebe]

She said she would call me today.

If she does ask if I've been with anyone, should I be honest?

Is 'honesty' a value of yours?

Do you understand Values and Boundaries?

Please look at the Workshops section of this site... .

[Eric1]

I'm honest.

[Surnia]

Eric1

Huh, there is a lot in this thread!

Can you take some deep breaths?

Perhaps you may read your first post here on board again.

After that I agree with Phoebe, about the Links on the right, "Choosing a Path".

[Moonie75]

After all that, did she call today Eric?

[Eric1]

Nope. I texted asking if she was alright, no reply.

I knew she was doing something with her friends today for we friends birthday, so whether she's preoccupied with that.

If I don't hear from her by lunch tomorrow, then I'll call her to find out what's going on.

[123Phoebe]

Are you getting together for drinks with the new girl tonight?

Have you read the links on Choosing a Path?  Workshops?

[MammaMia]

Eric

I think she has you right where she wants you.  Miserable.  She is totally in control and she knows it.  Do you know about push/pull behavior?  This is a classic example.

Do not be surprised if she does not call or if when you call her, she acts like nothing happened to give you a reason to think she cares. 

I hope she is sincere, but it could just be a BPD game.  Guard your heart and listen to your gut on this one.

[Moonie75]

Eric,

just my thoughts on what's unfolding here.

If the 'other' girl seems genuine , be equally genuine with her. You're caught in 'the dance' with BPD ex. Don't become guilty of triangulating (read definition) this other girl or dragging her into this toxic mess. It's not fair to her & I very much doubt she'd come out of it feeling anything other than used & hurt. I'm sure you're a decent fella, but it's easy to draw folks into the game & find yourself using them as pawns in your game of love!

If its all cards on the table now, make sure it stays that way man. Stay better than the bad folk

[123Phoebe]

I think you've misunderstood me. I spoke to her only briefly, and when I did speak to her i didn't berate or question her, I supported her because she was crying.  I said to her i know you've been seeing someone, which she agreed with then she said I've messed everything up. I couldn't carry on the Convo because my friend came over, so she said she would call me tomorrow.

I don't know what she will say when she rings. She sounded a little drunk. I've told the girl I've been 'seeing' the scenario, and she said she jus wants fun. So, who am I to grumble.

This jumped out at me.  :)id she call you crying about the new guy she messed everything up with?  Or was she referring to messing things up with you?  Or was it you that has messed everything up?

Oh, the drama... .

[Eric1]

I've learnt not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I honestly don't know what she wants anymore. She hasn't called, she's just left me guessing.  If that was what she wanted, then it worked.

I'm going to call her tomorrow if she doesn't call me.

[Moonie75]

I'm going to call her tomorrow if she doesn't call me.

Don't! Don't feed her Eric!

[Eric1]

Spoke to her. She said she tried calling me last night, but deleted my number on purpose so she couldn't. She said its selfish of he to call, but she misses me & I'm the only one that understands her. To cut a long story short, I said what does she want, she said she doesn't know. She said she has to go and think and get her head straight.

She was out with her friends last night.  She said her friends are devastated because they really like me. I don't know what to make of it all. I'm just gonna leave her alone to think. I said when we don't talk, each day gets easier and I slowly move on.  She said 'don't say that"

Women are mental.

[Moonie75]

Women are mental.

She's only half of the problem. We're all a bit mental mate! 

[MammaMia]

Eric

I do not recall... . EXACTLY why did she leave?   Was there a reason or event that triggered her?  She seems to value her friends' opinions, but having said that how does SHE really feel?  Right now she may be mirroring what her friends think is right for her.

Remember YOU have options too where this relationship is concerned.

[Eric1]

Well, she rang me this morning apologising for calling me as she said it was selfish. She just wants to be friends. I told her i can't do it, we can't have anymore contact.

[Eric1]

It's really messed with my head. I feel like i'm back to square one.

[Moonie75]

It's really messed with my head. I feel like i'm back to square one.

BINGO!

That's what contact does, every time Eric!

You'll always come worse off & telling yourself any different is lying to yourself.

If you don't want to get bitten, don't play with crocodiles!

[Eric1]

I've told her no more. No more contact at all.

[Moonie75]

Tell her whatever you like it won't change her trying. NC is up to you to hold in place!

It's for YOU, so YOU need to hold strong now mate. No whipped dog stuff & eventually she'll get the message.

[Eric1]

She agreed that we need to delete each others numbers. I've deleted hers. Only problem is i know it off by heart 

Road to recovery starts again.

[MammaMia]

Eric

This is the way BPD works.  She was just checking to see if you still care before the final twist of the knife.  It makes it so much more pleasurable for her.

You did the right thing.  Now you must grieve, heal, and move on. You need  closure.

This all takes a lot of strength and in the end your life will be better for staying the course... . NC.

[Eric1]

It will be quicker this time round because I was steadily moving on. I was stupid to try and make sense of what she was saying because I will never understand. I said to her, you say you want to be friends now, but can you honestly be comfortable knowing if I've been with someone. She said no, she hasn't thought about it and she's sorry.

For some reason, I think she will contact again.

[MammaMia]

Eric

I think you can count on hearing from her again.  That is where being strong needs to come in.  PwBPD do not take rejection well.  She will want what she cannot have. 

[Eric1]

I'm staying strong this time. No looking back.

She won't feel rejected because I told her i still had feelings for her which is why we can't talk anymore.

[Moonie75]

Eric,

if you've told her you still have feelings for her, she WILL be back!

If you aint heard from her within 1 month I'll get a flight to the states & be your unpaid house keeper for a year!

[Eric1]

You reckon? Even if we both said we need to remove each others numbers?

I feel a bit bad for her. She does seem unhappy and confused. She said I'm the only one that understands her & now I've told her i can't talk to her anymore. She has a good group of friends etc I suppose I need to worry about me.

I'm in the uk mate.