where im at right now

[Depression = 72% of members]

I Don't really know.  By that I mean I Don't feel any different today then before we decided we were splitting up and moving out to different spaces. 

No anger, no sadness, I'm sleeping great, eating well... . what's up?

Could it be that I had already started to detach prior to saying I was done?

Am I a little less shocked since this isn't round one?

Am I just OK with the decision?

Denial?

Left

[left4good]

I Don't really know.  By that I mean I Don't feel any different today then before we decided we were splitting up and moving out to different spaces. 

No anger, no sadness, I'm sleeping great, eating well... . what's up?

Could it be that I had already started to detach prior to saying I was done?

Am I a little less shocked since this isn't round one?

Am I just OK with the decision?

Denial?

Left

[Undine]

I am also not as broken up as previously... . I guess I could see it coming. I still miss being with him-I just don't miss the abuse. I was with him for 4 &1/2 years and we broke up 4 times and came close to breaking up more times than I could count. I think I took him by surprise when I didn't try to fix it this time. I had to make a choice that I wouldn't put up with his unacceptable behavior anymore. I had made myself very clear about the boundary he was stepping on and it was an essential one. Maybe I was numb then, I can feel myself starting to grieve now. I don't think about him much during the day but I dream about him almost every night. I wish that would stop.

[Lady31]

ME TOO!  I thought I was the only one on here that felt pretty ok with the actual breakup.  I just finalized my divorce last week and I seriously teared up a little for about 5 minutes on the drive to the court house, and then for just a minute when the judge was asking me a couple questions. 

It scared me a little building up to that and now as I have hardly cried at all, and do not feel really heartbroken at all and that was what I was most terrified about as I have a hard time giving up/letting go of relationships.  I have a really hard time with rejection and tend to hang on longer than I should - I have seen in past relationships as well.  Well, doesn't seem to be the case this go round!

I think perhaps mine is seriously the grace of God - I prayed a lot over the course of my marriage regarding the doom that hung over it like a neon sign.  I did everything I could to honor my husband and keep the marriage together.  I prayed God would take the desires off my heart toward him if there was no way to save this marriage as I had been faithful in trying to salvage it and there was nothing else I could do.  And God has been faithful to me in that sense.

It's like (as they call it on this board) - coming out of the fog.  It's like something has switched in my mind and heart from the way I saw my H during the marriage.  I now see him for who he REALLY is, and I have lost respect and desire for him.  I truly believe in my heart HE is the reason we can't have a healthy relationship and not me.  I truly believe in my heart I deserve better than what he was willing/capable of offering.  I do not believe ANY of his accusations he tried to spew and project on to me.  I think these are the things that are most freeing.

It's almost like supernaturally I am in a different place emotionally.  There is a sadness that he can't be the man he was supposed to be.  But nowhere near depression/heartbreak.  I am RELIEVED that I am out of that abuse and torment and chaos.  Before I would have been in pieces and unable to function.  I'm learning what the Word really means when it says in Isaiah 53:4 "Surely he (Jesus) hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows... . "

It's sad - BUT not the end of the world.  I'm not even that lonely anymore as I FEEL the presence of God and am SO excited about the future He holds for me.  I feel like He has kept me in a bubble sort of and is actually carrying me right through this storm.  It's truly AMAZING - and I am so GRATEFUL for that help.  I know I have a lot of work to do on myself - but I feel like everything is going to be just fine.  BETTER than fine, GREAT!

And even if I do hit some harder grieving along the way - it's still going to be ok!  I pray everyone passes through their grief and doesn't get stuck in it.