fear of pd partner - still walking on eggshells during/after divorce?

[livednlearned]

As I see it, let things trigger him.  Those are consequences.  Walking on eggshells won't prevent him getting triggered by all sorts of other things.  Weight the cost/benefit ratio.

I found it took some time away from N/BPD toxicity before I finally understood this. But looking back, I would say the worst episodes were always triggered by things I didn't initiate. All that eggshell walking never worked 

[atcrossroads]

I am scared of him and it makes me sick that he has this kind of control over me!  I'm scared (the whole title of my thread!), that if I do REALLY stand up to him, that he will go over edge and HURT me or worse.  Like I said, he has never laid a hand on me, but... . he has threatened me, and he is so frayed right now.  Several colleagues at work said he looks and seems awful -- very unfocused, disheveled (he is usually well put together) and several have said he just seems "not right." 

It disgusts me that I fear him   

I want to stand up and do exactly what FD recommends -- print the tracking info (which says delivered to the door!  our house is in an ultra safe neighborhood where no ONE would steal it) and the nasty email from him (plus the horrendous one he sent me when I sent condolences about his dad's death, telling me to burn in hell, etc.) and turn them in to police. 

He deserves to be a little "scared" and realize he can't keep tormenting me.  I do think the police would pay him a visit -- would it enrage him or get him to back down.  My attorney says I need to stand up more.   ?

What should I do? 

[livednlearned]

It disgusts me that I fear him   

It's a process, atcrossroads. I've been out of my marriage for 3 years. I felt the same way you did my first year. I got stronger in small steps. Sometimes you get stronger by listening to your instincts and sometimes you get stronger by standing up to your ex. Sometimes it happens when you start to "win," however you define winning. My T always told me that sometimes we procrastinate for good reasons. Maybe you feel the need to conserve strength so you can stand up to the bigger issues around the house. Maybe fighting for the package will give you a bump in confidence that helps with the house. You know better than anyone else how much you have in you at the moment.

It doesn't happen all at once, and if you were with your pwBPD for a long time, you have a lot of healing ahead of you. Pace yourself. And go easy on yourself.  

[atcrossroads]

Thank you, Lived.  Good wisdom for me to ponder.