Why Does it take replies from members to help me see clearly

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello All,

I am in the process of detaching from my exBPD girlfriend.  She is moving away n tow weeks to live with her new guy... . this is the one she flew out to sleep with three days after we broke up.

Anyway, I am doing much better, thanks mostly to this site and a good t: but I find myself drawn in when she calls saying she wants to stay my friend etc.  She even admits that she may be making a big mistake and apologizes for hurting me.

Well, thanks to you all, I now know this is familiar pattern, and I have been moving away from her emotionally and will be glad when she leaves. But I cant figure out why when she talks to me she does not seem as bad as her actions.  It is like I am in a spell.  Why is that.

My good news is that you all... . have helped me from being drawn in.

Thanks HB

[Hurtbad]

Hello All,

I am in the process of detaching from my exBPD girlfriend.  She is moving away n tow weeks to live with her new guy... . this is the one she flew out to sleep with three days after we broke up.

Anyway, I am doing much better, thanks mostly to this site and a good t: but I find myself drawn in when she calls saying she wants to stay my friend etc.  She even admits that she may be making a big mistake and apologizes for hurting me.

Well, thanks to you all, I now know this is familiar pattern, and I have been moving away from her emotionally and will be glad when she leaves. But I cant figure out why when she talks to me she does not seem as bad as her actions.  It is like I am in a spell.  Why is that.

My good news is that you all... . have helped me from being drawn in.

Thanks HB

[Clearmind]

HB, we all need validation when we exit these relationships  They are very confusing and we are so over come with grief we sometimes can't see straight. FOG is thick.

My ex wanted to remain friends too and could not understand why I needed to cut ties. I needed to once and for all look after myself. I was so spent emotionally from the relationship and from listening to my own head - I needed a clean out.

65 posts HB! You need some time - so keep posting... . get it out.

I can answer why for me? I was drawn in because I felt a great lack of self worth. Fixing him, getting back on that pedestal to be idealized again made me feel whole. He masked some great pain. When we split I was now on my own to fix me - he didn't mask a thing! Ouch for a while.

Imagine yourself to have training wheels right now - be kind to you until you get stronger. We are hear for ya.