return of uBPDw

[dickL]

been away from here couple of weeks . uBPDw 35yrs came home after 4mo live in w/married soulmate 1000mi away. their 4th try over 40yrs. she was 14 and he 22 their first time(statutory rape in ohio). 2nd trip in 3yrs , he goes back to his wife each time. w has made big step towards needing therapy and stopping denial this time. I interfered both times she lived w bf and this has made her angry, " you have no right to stop my search for happiness ". I have called her bf a predator , encouraging a disturbed child to have sex and continuing this dance over and over. her point is she needed to discover these truths on her own.i don't disagree but that wasn't happening the last 40yrs. in all these years w/many lovers there has been no safe sex and she's had std for 40yrs and has been in several fights w angry wives and girlfriends of her lovers. she has put herself and others in danger and has been unaware of the consequences of her choices. my feelings are that as long as she is my wife, it isn't meddling in her biz but concern for a loved one in danger and unaware they are.several times she chose to remain in this marriage no show past feb for final dissolution hearing . intervention may be needed . i'm an addict and 2 interventions by family saved me. at first I was furious they locked me in a psych ward but as time passed and the drugs left my system , I understood they tried to help me. her 3 bffs have supported her decisions to leave her family,her life,her home to get happy and enabled her to be in danger. when I used I was " happy" but that is fog and w is not so different . her drug is attention from men. it seems classic for BPD and family. I have often reacted badly and should have made better choices , angry and mean. I now use tools I've learned and been in T couple of years. I have  to be very mindful of my words dealing w/broken fragile person . love some feed back . do we passively watch loved ones self destruct while they are ill ?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.