Potential Corner being turned... Hopefully...

[lostandunsure]

So, a few weeks ago, my wife finally started trying to look at her mental health objectively. She realized that she may have to get over her stigma about having a ":)isorder" and realized that a prior psychiatrist who pushed her about BiPolar Disorder (and promptly offended my wife who no longer wanted to have anything to do with that psychiatrist), may have been onto something. This freed me to start doing some real research on Mental disorders and I posted on a few boards, and found BPD, which, to me, fits like a glove, reading about BPD from my point of view is like reading a handbook specifically about my wife. I introduced the idea to my wife.

Initially she pushed back, I am after all a software engineer, not a mental health professional... . And she's worried that it would just be another diagnosis that would be wrong and lead her down a wrong path and create more confusion and problems. I send her some material (knowing that she probably wouldn't read it. If she didn't look it up herself, it doesn't carry the same weight)... .

Finally, last night, she did some of her own research and found a blog posted by someone with BPD. She e-mailed me "Wow I totally see myself... . " with a link to one of the blog posts that listed of symptoms of BPD with detailed descriptions of each. I know it's just a start, but if she can admit it and recognize it, then when we see a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks (the next in a long list of attempts to find a good one), then maybe we can get a proper diagnosis and get her some real help! I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, and there really isn't a "cure" and the road is long, but is it bad that I am getting my hopes up somewhat?

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[maryy16]

There is always hope... . my H finally "admitted" to having BPD about a year ago.  He is on medication and this has helped alot, but only in the frequency of his rages... . not severity.  He went from raging practically every day to maybe once a month. 

When he is in his normal state, he can talk about it, about his feelings, about why he can't regulate himself, etc.

BUT when he does start to rage, nothing has changed.  Still the anger, name calling, blaming, unreasonable, etc.  Everything is "knows" is forgotten and he can't be reasoned with.

So, yes, things can get better, but I know that my H will never be free from this affliction.  I am just learning how to help myself and not react to him, but it is hard because even after 30 years, his "episodes" still hit me hard.

[an0ught]

Hi lostandunsure,

Finally, last night, she did some of her own research and found a blog posted by someone with BPD. She e-mailed me "Wow I totally see myself... . " with a link to one of the blog posts that listed of symptoms of BPD with detailed descriptions of each. I know it's just a start, but if she can admit it and recognize it, then when we see a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks (the next in a long list of attempts to find a good one), then maybe we can get a proper diagnosis and get her some real help! I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, and there really isn't a "cure" and the road is long, but is it bad that I am getting my hopes up somewhat?

sounds like there is an opening for change. But then the nature of BPD is that things can turn on a dime. In any case it will take time.

... I introduced the idea to my wife.

Initially she pushed back, I am after all a software engineer, not a mental health professional... . And she's worried that it would just be another diagnosis that would be wrong and lead her down a wrong path and create more confusion and problems. I send her some material (knowing that she probably wouldn't read it. If she didn't look it up herself, it doesn't carry the same weight)... .

Yeah, it is really a balancing act. She needs to own it. But we sure can gently support it.

Keep going  ,

a0