Roller Coaster ride of pain and grief

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am doing everything I know how to stay positive and get on with my life. It is just so painful at times, like a big empty whole and I can't fill it enough. Every day I cry at some point. I just never know when it will be. I am getting sick of grieving a man that could care less if I was alive.

We are going on 6 months since I discovered his cheating and he has hooked up and living with a different woman. I just resent the fact that he can just get on with his life as if my daughter and I never existed. I was so blindsided by this and still am in shock.

I have been left with this mountain of a mess to clean up. It is a lot of work and he is able to just get on with it. People no longer want to hear about my feeling ,emotions or pain as to what has happened. Everyone is like " Just move on" be glad he is out of your life.

I am trying so hard to function, pay my bills, care for my responsibilities and grieve the loss of my husband. I loved my husband dearly and never, ever saw this coming.

I read the posts here and there is so much pain and grief, it is criminal that a person who you loved so dearly can do so much harm to your soul.

I live in fear because I don't think he is mentally stable and am so afraid of being lured back because of being in so much pain.

I am doing everything I can to get through this and it still doesn't seem to be enough.

How can I ever trust any one again?

[So hurt]

I am doing everything I know how to stay positive and get on with my life. It is just so painful at times, like a big empty whole and I can't fill it enough. Every day I cry at some point. I just never know when it will be. I am getting sick of grieving a man that could care less if I was alive.

We are going on 6 months since I discovered his cheating and he has hooked up and living with a different woman. I just resent the fact that he can just get on with his life as if my daughter and I never existed. I was so blindsided by this and still am in shock.

I have been left with this mountain of a mess to clean up. It is a lot of work and he is able to just get on with it. People no longer want to hear about my feeling ,emotions or pain as to what has happened. Everyone is like " Just move on" be glad he is out of your life.

I am trying so hard to function, pay my bills, care for my responsibilities and grieve the loss of my husband. I loved my husband dearly and never, ever saw this coming.

I read the posts here and there is so much pain and grief, it is criminal that a person who you loved so dearly can do so much harm to your soul.

I live in fear because I don't think he is mentally stable and am so afraid of being lured back because of being in so much pain.

I am doing everything I can to get through this and it still doesn't seem to be enough.

How can I ever trust any one again?

[Learning_curve74]

I have been left with this mountain of a mess to clean up. It is a lot of work and he is able to just get on with it. People no longer want to hear about my feeling ,emotions or pain as to what has happened. Everyone is like " Just move on" be glad he is out of your life.

I am doing everything I can to get through this and it still doesn't seem to be enough.

You're in pain and it feels worse when people don't understand, so here's a big virtual hug for you. 

Nobody knows how long it will take to recover from being so hurt, but we all have to take it one day at a time in this life. Hang in there, you deserve to give yourself a chance.

[dangoldfool]

" Just move on" be glad he is out of your life.

Yeah, it would be great if it was that easy.

You have friends here to share your pain. Share your story if it helps you to get it out. We are all here to help each other to heal as we learn more about this BPD illness. If you can seek some therapy and read more about BPD. Trust will come with time. Stay strong

[Emelie Emelie]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hear the same things. Just move on, you're better off without him, etc. People who haven't been through it don't understand. We do. I cry every day as well. Someone here told me that's okay... . it's healing. So I

try to remember that. I feel exactly as you do... . sick of grieving a man who doesn't care. But we care so we need to grieve. I don't

Talk to my friends about how I'm feeling anymore. They all think I'm nuts at this point. So

I come here. Hang in there. I'm trying to take it a day at a time. It helps. All you have to/can deal with is today and what you're feeling today.

[Perfidy]

Sohurt... I'm sorry for you suffering. I think most of those who post on this board can relate to your suffering. How could they just throw us off like a dirty shirt. No thought or feeling... No explanation. How will we ever trust again. All too similar stories from just about everyone here. The self doubt and self blame run consistent. The damage to self esteem and the person in general. The pain. Sorrow,sadness,suffering. We all feel it. We feel it because its normal. If you didn't feel it something would be wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. Grieving is natural. Not grieving is the act of a disturbed individual. For some strange reason we fall in what we call love with these people. There is someone that will be for you. Someone that will give you the respect and honesty that you deserve. You cannot be with that person yet. You have to grieve and it takes time. Healing is the process of looking into yourself and yourself only. If you look outward towards him your healing will take much longer. Love yourself. You are a good person.

[So hurt]

Thanks to all. It helps so much to know I am not alone in this pain and that someday it will get better.

I believe you people as you have all been there. Thanks to all for the support. I try to tell others about finding out about my husband's disorder and many reply, just get over it and all will be better. There is no more than I that does want to get over it. It will take time and a lot of help and support. Thanks again.

[alonebuthappy]

Oh yes the dreaded weekend; Friday, Saturday, Sunday?  The time when our significant other had to take off the mask and with stand three whole (well at least 56 hours) with us (their family).  How could they do it, keep it together, cover theirs lies; was it really them or the dreaded other (mine is High Functioning)?  The secrets, tiredness, victimization, and my all time favorite "I have a tough week ahead at work, so I need time to prepare".

Bottom line, BE SELFISH to your self, you are the 'Holy Grail" now!  Whether their are children involved or alone, you have to gain your strength to fight the battle ahead... . NO the war!  Everything you do tomorrow will define you in the future and yes you want your future to be bright, regardless if he/she is part of it!  Everyone is watching, especially the children, gain strength for them and defend YOU for battle to come, as So Hurt is what ultimately matters and your daughter.

I am so sorry you are faced with this nightmare, but learn from it and hold your head high, as you are strong and trust is something earned and we all gave it freely... . you are one of the good and you will trust again.     

[hardhabit2break]

I feel your pain too So Hurt. I am riding that roller coaster with you. Three months since finding out about all the betrayal. And not even being able to see the never ending pain and destruction that has truly come from it until so recently. The hell I lived through at the beginning was horrific, but the more the realization of it all sinks in and the acceptance of it takes place (and what choice do I have but to accept it) the more damage I see that has come of it. A past that was full of lies; when did they start?  A future that is more unknown then ever. And the person I leaned on, depended on, trusted and loved, is the one who has caused it all. Some days I only need a hug from a friend and just an "it will be okay" to get through the day.

I hear the same things as you "you are better off without him". And it is true, but not yet. Now I am still grieving the loss of someone who is gone (dead in a sense). But will there ever be closure?  I don't think so. I am trying so hard to live in the moment and stop rehashing the past and worrying about the future.  Since it is all just too much to handle.  I know I am strong; if I can get through this I can handle anything.  But who decided I needed to be this strong?  Not me!  He did, he did it all. And takes no responsibility and never will.  That's tough to accept. Weekends can be so hard. Especially not knowing if he will decide to be at his new SO or at home.  Nobody understands that I hate it when he stays there, but I don't want him living here.  Sounds contradictory, right?  Maybe someone on this board might understand.

Please stay strong and try to stay in this present moment. Give yourself that. It can bring peace, even for just a little while. I hurt for everyone out there who is struggling.