Emotional Setback?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

A year ago my soon to be ex started really acting crazier, like suddenly things were so confusing crazy. I journaled about it a lot. Then I on the 25th she took our daughter, disappeared for 4 days and that was the beginning of the end. In the past few weeks as we have led up to this anniversary I have been struggling as I think about how a year ago things were good, we were planning our wedding because we had eloped the prior year and wanted to have the real ceremony. Our daughter turned 2, life was pretty good. Then it felt like BAM! out of the blue my life was turned upside down. So I thought a lot of grief and other hard feelings have been coming up so I have been working a ton extra and just completely staying as busy as possible. Maybe not the healthiest way to cope but the only way I seem able.

So of course the soon to be ex mother in law is coming into town tomorrow (not a coincidence since she had a huge role in the breakup to begin with)  and that alone just really gets under my skin. Never in my life have I disliked someone so much but that is a separate situation.

So the ex offered me to have our daughter tonight so she can "go out" whatever that means. Then she changed her mind, then she texted and told me she was feeling pretty triggered and hostile to me and so it may be better if we didn't have to deal with each other to switch our daughter so maybe I shouldn't have her. Blah blah... . basically I didn't get my daughter tonight. It has been a long week, with lots of extra physical labor with some extra jobs I picked up so I am exhausted physically as well as emotionally.

I think I also got triggered though to what happened when she took off with our daughter, because I got enraged. I felt like I felt a year ago, out of control emotionally, my head was pounding, sick, the whole 9 yards. It was as if I was living in a year ago. I ended up texting the ex way too much and although I called a couple times and left a couple messages at least I have learned not to yell or leave nasty messages. I just said that I was upset that I wasn't seeing my daughter and I felt it was wrong not to even tell me what was going on or why. The text messages were all basically the same, asking about seeing my daughter. Now there may have been far too many of them but at least they were the same pretty much rather than what they could have been I suppose. Still not good to give her anything of course but I felt so just literally emotionally out of control. Thankfully I didn't do anything more stupid than texting way too much.

It feels like all the progress I had made has just gone out the window. The past week I felt like I was missing the ex, the life I thought we had etc. Is it normal to feel like you took a huge step back sometimes on the emotional healing train? Thankfully I see my therapist next week and I have some sleep meds so I took those and am going to go to bed. The pain just felt so fresh and raw again. I thought I had been moving on.

[thisyoungdad]

A year ago my soon to be ex started really acting crazier, like suddenly things were so confusing crazy. I journaled about it a lot. Then I on the 25th she took our daughter, disappeared for 4 days and that was the beginning of the end. In the past few weeks as we have led up to this anniversary I have been struggling as I think about how a year ago things were good, we were planning our wedding because we had eloped the prior year and wanted to have the real ceremony. Our daughter turned 2, life was pretty good. Then it felt like BAM! out of the blue my life was turned upside down. So I thought a lot of grief and other hard feelings have been coming up so I have been working a ton extra and just completely staying as busy as possible. Maybe not the healthiest way to cope but the only way I seem able.

So of course the soon to be ex mother in law is coming into town tomorrow (not a coincidence since she had a huge role in the breakup to begin with)  and that alone just really gets under my skin. Never in my life have I disliked someone so much but that is a separate situation.

So the ex offered me to have our daughter tonight so she can "go out" whatever that means. Then she changed her mind, then she texted and told me she was feeling pretty triggered and hostile to me and so it may be better if we didn't have to deal with each other to switch our daughter so maybe I shouldn't have her. Blah blah... . basically I didn't get my daughter tonight. It has been a long week, with lots of extra physical labor with some extra jobs I picked up so I am exhausted physically as well as emotionally.

I think I also got triggered though to what happened when she took off with our daughter, because I got enraged. I felt like I felt a year ago, out of control emotionally, my head was pounding, sick, the whole 9 yards. It was as if I was living in a year ago. I ended up texting the ex way too much and although I called a couple times and left a couple messages at least I have learned not to yell or leave nasty messages. I just said that I was upset that I wasn't seeing my daughter and I felt it was wrong not to even tell me what was going on or why. The text messages were all basically the same, asking about seeing my daughter. Now there may have been far too many of them but at least they were the same pretty much rather than what they could have been I suppose. Still not good to give her anything of course but I felt so just literally emotionally out of control. Thankfully I didn't do anything more stupid than texting way too much.

It feels like all the progress I had made has just gone out the window. The past week I felt like I was missing the ex, the life I thought we had etc. Is it normal to feel like you took a huge step back sometimes on the emotional healing train? Thankfully I see my therapist next week and I have some sleep meds so I took those and am going to go to bed. The pain just felt so fresh and raw again. I thought I had been moving on.

[Surnia]

Hi thisyoungdad

Is it normal to feel like you took a huge step back sometimes on the emotional healing train?

In my experience yes! When you get triggered and strong emotions are coming, it feels like a setback, it is not. Its just a very difficult moment. 

In my opinion a healthier life after a break up does not mean we will have no strong emotions sometimes. 

Be patient with yourself. And co-parenting is not easy! We are here for you.

[mitchell16]

So the ex offered me to have our daughter tonight so she can "go out" whatever that means. Then she changed her mind, then she texted and told me she was feeling pretty triggered and hostile to me and so it may be better if we didn't have to deal with each other to switch our daughter so maybe I shouldn't have her. Blah blah... . basically I didn't get my daughter tonight. It has been a long week, with lots of extra physical labor with some extra jobs I picked up so I am exhausted physically as well as emotionally.

In my opinion this a passive/aggressive deal to punish you so more. I expreienced that with my ex on numerous occasions. Not with children becasue we dont have any togther. But with her child or family outings, vactions etc. One of her favorite tricks would be to invite me to a relatives house for a weekend trip. about two weeks before the event she would make a big production about how excited she was that we were going on this trip togther, how it made her feel closer to me. about 3 days before it actullay was suppsoed to happen she would start saying her relative didnt want me to come. I would be puzzled and ask why did they invite me in the first place and why didnt they want me there. She would say that the last time i was around them I made them feel uncomfortable. When I asked how, she would say I dont know they wont tell me what you did. You must have said something to them. I would spend days racking brain of what i could have said or did. I would feel bad, she would take the trip without me. I would sit home alone and be depressed thinking I screwed it up again. She would come back we continued on like nothing happened.  but what would be funny would be the next time i was allowed around that person they acted like they liked me and would tell me how much fun they had with me and anytime I was welcome at their home. so the next time it would be another relative or another friend or her child but the results would be the same. She would buld me to go, then yank it away from me at the last minute and blame it on my likel I was did something wrong. i would be sad, depressed and alone.

she pulled this with any special event, holidays, vacations, trip with friends,