uBPD parent, no contact and stalking

[tryinghard2012]

Ok, so things are getting bad. We had been doing so well with no contact. A year ago my husband wrote his mother saying don't contact me until you are willing to see psychiatrist with me present to share some of the issues that we know she would otherwise hide. Needless to say she refused and we had silence for many months. In June she attempted contact by emailing saying she was worried about my husband's well being and how was he, etc. My husband ignored this email. She tried the same thing again in July, and again he ignored. Fast forward to August and we are dealing with full fledged Bpd rage. Suddenly the family is a disaster because of my doing and my husband and I are the ones who need help. She continues to blame other members of the family for all of her life troubles and continues to think she does not have any mental health issues whatsoever. We are certain she is Bpd as many doctors in the family claim she is text book and her history and behaviours scream Bpd loud and clear. So, aside from nasty emails she has also started stalking our house. In one email she confesses to seven visits to our home over several weeks and last week she was stalking our home early on a Saturday morning and we physically saw her looking in our back door window. She was pounding in the window calling my husband's name. We ignored her and a few hours later received a nasty email from her with more of her typical Bpd ramblings. How the heck do we handle this? She has done the same to one other of her children who are also no contact

My husband does not want a restraining order to avoid further family drama. To say I an stressed over this would be an understatement. Will she give up or do BPDs just get more aggressive when they won't accept no contact?

[Finallyblooming]

Two words:

Restraining order

[Finallyblooming]

This enter button is has me a donkey on the edge.

I would say if she hasn't been taking no for an answer and has been getting increasingly worse, from what I'm hearing you say.

I can only speak from personal experience, If you're getting worried about your personal safety and the safety of your family and you don't see an end to this any time soon. I would involve law enforcement. Especially since she's actually stalking and harassing. I would have flipped if I saw my mothers face in the window. That has to be really scary, frustrating, and maddening.

Has she threatened you or your husband in any of the emails? (You should probably save those too, for just in casies)

[dnagrl]

Yes, by all means if you are worried about your personal safety (as I do with my dad, who is BPD and a gun owner) I would definitely save all the emails and maybe with the mind that a restraining order may be in the cards, get video of her stalking your house (either hand held, or a security camera set up that records while you're not home). I have heard many infinite times from my dad that something 'never happened'. With videos, you know it happened. You may not want to anger her even more by letting her see the videos.

[nomom4me]

Laws might vary state to state on this, but I think you can file a harassment complaint without escalating or informing her of the action.  I understand not wanting to file a restraining order, I've been in a similar situation and it is something I only want to do as a last resort.  At the same time, I've gotta say - her behavior is quite extreme, do you have any friends in legal or law enforcement?  When we are in the situation and it escalates slowly sometimes we don't realize how extreme it is, maybe it's time to get a 3rd party involved.

As others have mentioned, keeping a record is very important... . if you email yourself every time she pops up you'll have a digital signature of the time/date. 

Be well, stay safe.