Some Shade of Gray?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I mostly hear people say that pwBPD paint us as either white or black. After the break up and her running off with another man I was clearly painted black as black can be. Two weeks ago we had an argument on the phone and she raged at me. I was shocked when two days later she called and apologized. It wasn't a phony apology either. For the last week and a half we have been talking and things seem to be improving, but I am still skeptical and taking everything she says with a grain of salt. It turns out my replacement wasn't the knight in shining armor she thought he was. It is clear that she is not happy with him. It is clear that I am not yet white. It is my opinion that at this point I am some shade of gray. Is this possible or am I fooling myself?

[papawapa]

I mostly hear people say that pwBPD paint us as either white or black. After the break up and her running off with another man I was clearly painted black as black can be. Two weeks ago we had an argument on the phone and she raged at me. I was shocked when two days later she called and apologized. It wasn't a phony apology either. For the last week and a half we have been talking and things seem to be improving, but I am still skeptical and taking everything she says with a grain of salt. It turns out my replacement wasn't the knight in shining armor she thought he was. It is clear that she is not happy with him. It is clear that I am not yet white. It is my opinion that at this point I am some shade of gray. Is this possible or am I fooling myself?

[maxsterling]

I haven't seen it yet - it's either all good or all bad.  And not just with me, but with anything or anyone.  If she had a bad day and I ask her to name one good thing that happened - she can't.

I haven't seen a genuine apology yet, either. She will apologize sometimes out of ritual and I know she feels bad about stuff, but no tearful "I'm sorry I hurt you". 

BUT - yesterday she said she hoped she would die in her sleep.  5 minutes later she apologized and said that was a bad thing to say, because it would really hurt me if she died.  I almost could not believe she said that!  And she did the same today - said that we both have depressing jobs and we should kill ourselves.  And a minute later she said that was a bad think to say - about killing ourselves.  Suddenly, without prompt, she considered how her words would make me feel.  That is a first for our relationship.

So gray?  It's possible - I think pwBPD feel the same emotions as everyone else.  I'd keep my guard up, though.

[dotSlash]

max: sounds like your situation is getting a little better, I'm glad

papa: you probably are white again, she's just approaching with caution, possibly feeling insecure or guilty about pushing you away, or afraid to get hurt again

[LoneWolf768]

papwapa, I envy you in a way because you got what I'll never get - a sincere apology. I'll keep saying it until I take my last breath: my ex BPD'er will never, ever contact me again for any reason, let alone a reason to apologize.

Definitely keep your guard up and proceed with caution. It sounds like you're going about this the right way.