VIDEO | Borderline Personality Disorder Documentary ~ Tamra Sattler, PhD.

[DreamGirl]

Border_ : A Compassionate Documentary on BPD
 

Date: Aug-2013Minutes: 26:49
BPD | A compassionate documentary
 
Video Description:
 
Tamra Sattler, PhD interviews four women who have progressed in their healing from Borderline Personality Disorder and talk about their struggles and recovery.  This is a film about perspective, coping and growth.
 
Debbie Corso: is of 30 something recovered person with borderline personality disorder and is a prolific blogger, and advocate for BPD healing. www.HealingFromBPD.org
 
Teresa Lynne: is a 40 something mother, a Martha Beck trained Life Coach, and DBT instructor based in Atlanta, GA.  She is currently writing When Treatment is Trauma.  TeresaLynne.net
 
Lisa Matienzo: is a 40 something Northern California mom and wife whose faith is helping her in her healing process. "Hope" is her daily reminder, and her intention in participating in this documentary is to continue her own healing while also helping others.
 
Presh Grieshop: is a 20 something woman working hard on her recovery from BPD along with other mental health diagnoses. She volunteers at a clinic that helps patients who are HIV positive.
 
About the Author:
 
Tamra Sattler, PhD is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working with individuals and couples in San Francisco, CA.  She received her Masters in Counseling Psychology from University of San Francisco.  She also has a doctorate in East/West Psychology from the California Institiute of Integral Studies.
 
Sattler layers Eastern wisdom and philosophy onto western psychology - a unique combination that she says creates a strong container for the psychotherapeutic process to unfold, leading to long lasting behavior change, while promoting profound inner awareness and growth.
 


 

[HealingSlowly]

I loved the real life narratives.

I want to be honest and say that I felt the inserts about BPD and symptoms were weak? I just felt I didn't get enough on BPD somehow.  If I'd seen this early on in my recovery of a failed (still sad for me) relationship with my exBPD, I'm not sure the video would have helped me get out of the internalization mode I was in - and, to add to that, that was the most brutal.

I really thought it was me, that I was flawed (too co-dependent), that if I had just done or said that or this or that.

That said, the video featured people willing to talk about this and lots of variations.

[schwing]

This is such a tough topic to take on especially in a relatively short format such as in this documentary.  I think you would have an equally daunting challenge to try to communicate the concept of "co-dependency" in a short documentary.  

From the perspective of someone who might not know anything about BPD, this isn't a great source for understanding the disorder, IMHO.

The kinds of behaviors involved in BPD are so broad that I think a typical lay-person watching this video wouldn't really know which ideas to "take home" or to associate with BPD that they didn't already know previously.  I think someone that has no understanding of BPD would watch this video but still feel like they don't "get" what BPD is, except that it's a complicated disorder.

A watcher might experience a major disconnect of not quite seeing the person being interviewed connected to the stories they are telling.  Perhaps with the exception of Presh, who often displayed emotions, most of the other interviewees appeared relatively well adjusted while telling their stories of what it is like to have BPD.

... . Then again, this documentary seems to be targeted specifically for people who might be suffering from BPD.  And I can see how this might appropriately reach them; it is a "compassionate" depiction of the disorder.  All the descriptions are things that sufferers can already identify with, so in this sense it is ok to just graze these topics without too much elaboration.  

Moreover, it is helpful to minimize the amount of triggering information, in which case, showing the interviewees as calm, insightful and eloquent is a good way to reach potential sufferers: i.e., "I too can be like them... . and they willingly identify themselves as sufferers."

I think this documentary does a good job as an effort to reach potential sufferers... . which I believe is the purpose of the video?  On the other hand, I wouldn't direct people who don't have a clear understanding of this disorder, or who want to understand how this disorder affects them when they have a suffering loved one, towards this video as an introduction to the disorder.

[SweetCharlotte]

No men is a BIG drawback. Plays right into the denial of anything being wrong that is typical of the male pwBPD. They could watch it and not identify with these women at all. It would PROVE to them that they don't have it.

Of course, it is probably a lot harder to get the guys to participate in a project like this. I disagree with the statistic that "75% to 90% of pwBPD are female." That strikes me as way too high.

Also, it downplays the genetic factor in BPD, concentrating almost exclusively on the developmental and environmental.

[schwing]

I think the information used in the documentary is out of date... . you'll need to check out the link directly for the references:

Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Borderline Personality Disorder.

Bridget F. Grant, PhD, et.al

Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 69:4, April 2008.

See article here


The research was conducted by the Laboratory of Epidemiology and Biometry at the National Institute for Health (NIH).

34,653 face to face interviews were conducted in 2004 - 2006.

Some conclusions are:

~ the prevalence of the disorder is  5.9%

~ that prevalence in men is the same as women.

[HealingSlowly]

To Schwing's points, I agree that this short documentary could not possibly get to the internalization effects for the partner of one with BPD and that it is a "compassionate" take on the part of a few women who suffer from BPD and there is hope. I didn't feel that the doc had unfairly excluded attention to people like me - the co-dependent partner of one with BPD and that scene. At the same time, and your post has helped me to think through this some more, I worried/worry that the symptoms listed were too generic or general that one with BPD watching it could easily say: how is that any different from my partner who "made me" do all of this stuff. I didn't hear anything of the downright havoc that BPD wreaks on the one suffering from it or those of us on the receiving end. There was talk about how this comes out in "relationships" but not what happens in the RELATING part. If that makes sense.

But as you say, it was a compassionate look at a few women's experience and getting treatment. And it is. And I honestly don't want to knock it or rip it apart. I have compassion for anyone/anything that deals with BPD at all as I agree with what the filmmaker says at the beginning: we hear all kinds of stuff about bipolar and schizophrenia but BPD is really not understood at all.  

As for the non-representation of men, perhaps an old stat or, perhaps more convincing, fewer men seek treatment and/or it may have been hard to find men who have to speak on camera. Two of the women interviewed are speaking publicly about this, moreover. The young woman and the married woman, featured with her husband, actually seemed the more "real" to me - which is NOT to suggest the other women aren't real and haven't gone through hell and aren't working through this is positive and healthy ways! I found the young woman to be still the most troubled, realistically so, and yet felt relief she is getting help and trying - and seems to have support. Broke my heart when she said she literally lay in bed for two years. As for the woman with her husband, I felt that she was uncomfortable somehow or more passive in comparison to her husband and the "for better and worse" stuff... .

But I'm off track. The point is not to psychoanalyze the participants. The point is that I feel that all combined the documentary is not the intro to BPD that would have helped me - as the non but nonetheless co-dependent - and that it could be interpreted by one with BPD as hopeful IF s/he was already there and knew enough to at least say Yikes, I think it's BPD. In my experience and from all I've read here and elsewhere, this is the hardest part and something that often enough does not happen - hence why BPD is so profoundly frightening and does wreak such havoc.

Thanks, all. And yikes, if the filmmaker ever read any of this, I hope she never thinks this was not a worthwhile project. It was and is. It's just ... . complicated.  

p.s. I just saw schwing's latest post on stats and about the difficulty, perhaps, of finding men to be interviewed. I think this may be the case. A lot of my work in is gender studies and none of this would be surprising or is - if we look at other stuff about men coming forward and speaking up about mental/emotional health issues. And yes, such issues have been gendered female at the same time - typical woman stuff!  

[musicfan42]

Debbie Corso mentioned on her Healing from BPD Facebook page that they couldn't find men to take part in the documentary.

[atcrossroads]

No men is a BIG drawback. Plays right into the denial of anything being wrong that is typical of the male pwBPD. They could watch it and not identify with these women at all. It would PROVE to them that they don't have it.

Of course, it is probably a lot harder to get the guys to participate in a project like this. I disagree with the statistic that "75% to 90% of pwBPD are female." That strikes me as way too high.

Also, it downplays the genetic factor in BPD, concentrating almost exclusively on the developmental and environmental.

I didn't even watch it after I saw that it was about 4 women (I still may later).  I have received enormous support on this forum in dealing with leaving my BPD husband (his mother is also BPD) and feel that women dealing with BPD men is about equal to the other way around (on this forum).  So, yes, I would love to see a documentary that includes interviews and/or discussion of a high functioning BPD male.  Granted, those may be the ones who tend to refuse treatment... .

[connect]

Thanks for the video link.

The part I found really interesting was the girl who said she had a breakdown thinking of a room which had all of the people in her life in it at the same time. It totally freaked her out into a breakdown. The chameleon aspect of her interactions caused it. My bf would be the same - keeps me separate from a certain set of friends no doubt due to how different he is with them and with me. It made me think about it differently and make it less personal. So in that way I did gain something from watching it.

[DontPanic]

I've not watched the videos, but I understand what everyone is saying here about not getting a full understanding what the full ramification is to the families that have to deal with the person suffering from this condition.

While it might be helpful to understand the condition from the sufferers position, in the beginning it may not be so useful to the ones that are affected indirectly by this condition. to use another analogy, if you live with an active alcoholic, it may not be terribly useful to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings till you've had some time in Alanon.

Meaning hearing said alcoholics talk about the problem they have may not be terribly helpful to the families that have their own issues they now have to deal with

thoughts?

[Learning_curve74]

I've read many posts from pwBPD at BPD support forums. I think it gives good insight to how some of them feel. I can empathize with their struggle. Some do know the pain they cause and feel ashamed of it. I think it is unfair to over generalize and demonize all pwBPD, since some are trying harder than others to cope with their disability.

Having said that, we have to live in the world of objective actions and consequences. Many BPD coping skills are dysfunctional and maladaptive towards living a thriving and fulfilling adult life.

[rosannadanna]

I agree with schwing's post; he makes some good points.

So I was wondering:  why is this on the leaving board?  It seems like it would benefit members looking at the staying or undecided boards or in the Learning Center.

Leavers are grievers with PTSD and might not find this video helpful.

I picked up on two of the women currently being in long term relationships; one with a boyfriend for 13 years and one with her husband lovingly by her side for the video.  A non on the leaving board who is in bargaining stage might think "well if they can make then we can too!  I am going to stay no matter what happens!  I am going to be my BPD's rock!  I mean, it says right there in the video there is a cure!"  I have to admit I was pushing that sneaky little thought away in my own head

Also, a non who has been left and is beating themselves up or blaming themselves might think "well the video says this can be cured.  I really am a failure.  If I would have been more supportive, maybe we would have made it."

So this video, while a useful contribution to bpdfamily, might be more beneficial on another board.  Just my opinion, though!

[Skip]

I picked up on two of the women currently being in long term relationships; one with a boyfriend for 13 years and one with her husband lovingly by her side for the video.  A non on the leaving board who is in bargaining stage might think "well if they can make then we can too!  I am going to stay no matter what happens!  I am going to be my BPD's rock!  I mean, it says right there in the video there is a cure!"  I have to admit I was pushing that sneaky little thought away in my own head

I can see that.      But at the same time, aren't we here to learn the facts and gain perspective?  Live and work in a world with complex and difficult people.

This is factual video and we are hoping to get comments on the content itself - do these "Facts" here enlighten.

I certainly learned from it.

The couple with the "tolerant" husband (Lisa) is a good example of what it looks like to have a long term relationship with a pw/BPD... . and indeed there are long term relationships with pwBPD in the world.

Teresa made interesting comments about how she tangled with some of the men she dated included the one who left a copy of Stop Walking of Eggshells behind when he left.  She talks about the difference between the wrong guy and the right guy and the wrong time and right time in her life.

These two really reminded me of other story, Tami Green's.  She talks about how good her life ad marriage is - and she also recalls about the trouble she had earlier in life when she lost custody of her own babies.

There is also an interesting contrast with Presh who finds her volunteer work in an HIV clinic the most productive thing she has accomplished in her life to this point.

This was a hard lesson for me  to learn - stated simply - that my relationship may have faired better if I had conducted myself differently or that if she was in a different place in her life.  The other lesson was that maybe my personality would never blend with her, but another man might actually do OK.  Both of these are painful thoughts and I can question whether I personally want to be like Lisa's husband - but there is no denying that I had some things to learn about being in a relationship.

Not the greatest camera work, or audio production and the text slides weren't integrated very well, but there is a real honesty in this production that I don't often see in "BPD" videos.   The people were very real.  

[Reg]

I found it a most interesting video.  It does not go very deep in what we nons are experiencing, but it is a strong message of hope for people with borderline.  I think that's the most important message of all.  And I must say I do have a lot of respect for them that they were willing to face their most difficult problems and change their behavior.  It takes a lot of guts to do that and to continue on that path.

[DreamGirl]

One piece that really helped me was Debbie Corso's revelation that she used to have anxiety to the point of being hospitalized when her former boyfriend would leave town. Her account was a parallel situation of what I used to think was a manipulation on the pwBPD in my life's part (to draw attention to herself). I thought to myself "well, there you go." It reminded me of the time I read in Kreger's Stop Walking on Eggshells - "just because you feel manipulated, doesn't mean it was the intent."

This kind of understanding can often times bring peace for me, that the behavior I struggle so much with has reasons.

[Rapt Reader]

For parents of children (adult or otherwise) with BPD, this was a very good video. I have a son, not a daughter, and I still found it engrossing and insightful. I was taken by Debbie Corso, the woman who said she didn't know who she was; my son has said that to me in the past, and told me that it was a big problem for him. She made it a lot easier to understand; her fear of being in a room with all the people she knows from different contexts (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) because she was a different person with each of them and how would she know who to be in that situation? Kind of helps me understand my son's fear of large venues will people who know him (strangers don't elicit the same fear). Really insightful.

For a parent who feels they don't really have the option to "Leave" due to the familial relationship, seeing the husband being so compassionate and understanding after learning about Lisa Matienzo's (his wife's) BPD diagnosis, there's a certain comfort with, or connection to, his attitude. His decision to be there for her, "till death we do part," so as not to leave her like everyone else, was pretty familiar to this Mom of a BPD son.

The young woman, Presh Grieshop, who now is living with her Mom, who was suicidal, self-harming and self-medicating in the past, also helped me see my son differently. She is so vulnerable, with such a traumatic past that must've almost killed her Mom, but so willing to get help and move on. I (obviously!) felt for and identified with her Mom. Presh is really very like my son, who is Low Functioning BPD, and artsy; and now she is committed to helping others in pain. I hope he ends up doing something like that after he recovers enough to go out into the world again... . She gave me some hope for that... .

I liked Teresa Lynne, as new-age-y as she is, and I really felt for her description of hiding in her closet with all the clothes pulled down around her to hide out when she was afraid. I liked her discussion about DBT, and the discussion with Debbie regarding DBT, also. When Teresa said: "Being well is scary... . because then you are responsible!" it really hit home; my son has said pretty much the same thing and that has been what has hung him up in the past... . The better he gets, the more he has to deal with that aspect of it! It was good for me to hear that from someone who has made it as far as she has; I feel less annoyed at him for that attitude... .

What I think is that this video is good for parents of children/adult children with BPD. And probably really good for people with BPD who need hope that they can "get better." I will likely show this to my son at some point; I do think it will give him hope and courage to keep going with his treatments and recovery process. The compassion and understanding that is the underlying basis of this video is comforting and uplifting. I truly hope everyone on the Supporting Board watches this. Thanks!

[Thursday]

As a few others have said above, the impact of this video somewhat depends on who you are/why you are watching. I am step-parent to SDBPD22.

Currently my SD is not in therapy. This video reawakened my previous unbending position that she should attend therapy. One of the women talked about the importance of continuity in therapy and although my SD, while she was under our roof and under 18, was consistently going to therapy, since she turned 18 I don't think she has gone more than ten times. Right now she owes the therapy office several hundred dollars and has no intention of getting this cleared up so that she can continue with her former therapist.

Since she began therapy when she was 14, she has successfully "fooled" four different therapists into not having a clear picture of what is wrong with her or even that there is anything wrong at all. Much of her therapy has been centered around CBT. Her first therapist told her father and me that SD was "trying mental illness on for size."

REALLY?


I do wish (always wish) that DBT would be de-mystified somewhat. I want to hear from a BPD why it works, what makes it work and how easy/hard it was for them to buy into it.

I appreciated hearing about the "lightbulb" moments for each of these four women as I anxiously await my SD's lightbulb moment... . so far she has ZERO insight into her issues. I doubt she can even put a finger on most... . and most of the time she would say there is nothing at all wrong with her... . it's still all about the other guy.

Sigh... .

Thursday

[schwing]

I do wish (always wish) that DBT would be de-mystified somewhat. I want to hear from a BPD why it works, what makes it work and how easy/hard it was for them to buy into it.

This is a good question. 

My limited understanding of DBT is that it is a protocol for developing skills to deal with emotions.  Keep in mind that as non-disordered people, we have had much more practice at regulating emotions, and that people with BPD (pwBPD) are observed to have very limited or an inability to regulate emotions.  The hope is that when pwBPD start developing skills to regulate their emotions, then they can begin to change their reliance on their maladaptive behaviors as coping mechanisms for the emotions they cannot regulate.

The rub is that they may always run into a context that will produce emotions that reach or exceed their current ability to regulate, and so at each of these occasions, they must decide for themselves if these occasions mean that they must persist and improve their developing skills in DBT, or else they will "relapse" and go back to their old ways (of using distortions, dissociative behaviors, or lapse into self-destructive impulsive behaviors, etc... ). 

So what makes it easy/hard for them to "buy into it"? 

Well, it depends upon their persistence to change.  For some pwBPD, they may come to the realization that the only way they've ever known to "deal" is *clearly* not working for them, in which they put in the effort towards changing their behavior (thus the *BT -behavioral therapy- in DBT).  Or else they might decide that DBT isn't cutting it for them without realizing that you can't compare a skill that you've only been practicing for a few years, to destructive coping mechanisms that you've been relying for most of their lives.

It all comes down to their choice whether they want to change how they operate in a fundamental way.  Or if they believe that they way they've "coped" is the only way that will "work" for them.

As I imagine it, when you've only just started using DBT skills to regulate emotions.  You might find that this skills are helpful for dealing with the little things, like when you are feeling disappointed that something didn't quite happen the way you'd expect, or that you can start limiting how much you devalue yourself when you make small mistakes and don't quite do *everything* perfectly.  In the beginning, I would have little expectation that DBT skills will help you deal with major triggers such as if you are involved in a highly triggering interpersonal relationship -- and that relationship is starting to trigger your fear of abandonment in large ways.

It is a hope that your ability to use DBT skills persists long enough, and is practiced sufficiently that you can handle most contexts of your current life, that you can begin probing into your past... . and perhaps start looking into the *reasons* why you started using the maladaptive behaviors in the first place to deal.  And it is my understanding that at the core of these *reasons* is some kind of early childhood traumatic experience (real or perceived).

And *if* they begin to *face* these reasons using primarily DBT skills to deal with the emotions that are stirred in this self discovery.  Then *maybe* the pwBPD can actually process that past trauma in a productive (but still catastrophic) manner that allows them to move past this early childhood trauma *without relapsing into their previous maladaptive behaviors.*

Notice, there are many, many opportunities to "give up" because it may get too difficult on the way.  There are many, many *if's*.

I appreciated hearing about the "lightbulb" moments for each of these four women as I anxiously await my SD's lightbulb moment... . so far she has ZERO insight into her issues. I doubt she can even put a finger on most... . and most of the time she would say there is nothing at all wrong with her... . it's still all about the other guy.

You cannot create a "lightbulb moment" *for* your SD.  No more than you can cause a drug addict or an alcoholic to come out of denial that they have a problem.  You might try.  But you'd probably only push them away from that realization.  It's hard to understand the nature of *denial* unless you've become aware of it through personal experience.

It's hard to watch a loved one "not get" something that you see as perfectly as daylight and can see how if only they'd "get it" then their life would be so much better, or start to become less painful.  But their lives are not ours to live.  Their choices are exactly that, and they must walk their path and perhaps one day they might realize that there are other ways, better ways to live.

For her to continue to believe that "it's still all about the other guy"... . that's her reliance on her maladaptive behavior.  It is the way that, so far, works better for her.  Until she comes to the realization that this way does not work for her, she will have very little motivation to change.

Since she began therapy when she was 14, she has successfully "fooled" four different therapists into not having a clear picture of what is wrong with her or even that there is anything wrong at all. Much of her therapy has been centered around CBT. Her first therapist told her father and me that SD was "trying mental illness on for size."

As far as I'd imagine she is still "trying mental illness on for size."  Because so long as she cannot accept that she has a mental illness, she will have no motivation to persist in developing skills or understanding to address mental illness.

[HealingSlowly]

Very interested in this thread and all the great thoughts but what is DBT?

[SweetCharlotte]

DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a form of cognitive psychotherapy that has shown good results with patients with BPD.

[vivekananda]

re DBT have a look at this site for info : www.dbtselfhelp.com/

Re the video, perhaps I am feeling especially impatient, but I found the video frustrating for the 8 or so minutes I watched it. I should explain that I am a little sensitive of material that I think does not challenge flawed preconceptions. Here I refer to the position that the causes of BPD are to be seen in the childhood of the person, especially in the flawed child rearing practices of the mother and there are often allegations of childhood abuse. And of course, because this reflects my own experience where my dd believes she has been abused by me (do I need to say this is not true?), it does of course bother me.

Why this impatience with the video?

1) The introductory comments refer to the causes of BPD: the environment, trauma... . no mention of the genetic predisposition in BPD. Immediately my suspicions are roused, suspicion that this video is produced from a perspective that is limiting.

The latest research based information on this subject that I have seen is:

"Research has not yet discovered exactly how a person develops BPD, but it probably involves a combination of biological factors (such as genetics) and experiences that happen to a person while growing up (such as trauma in early life)... . " pg 1 Clinical Practice Guideline for the Management of BPD, (published 2012 Aust) available here: www.nhmrc.gov.au/guidelines/publications/mh25

In her excellent article From Family Trauma to Family Support System in Understanding and Treating BPD - A Guide for Professionals and Families, (edited by Gunderson and Hoffman, 2005) Harriet Lefley points to the difficulties when "Most research articles continue to focus on childhood abuse as an antecedent - and presumably a trigger, if not a cause - of BPD. The presumption of childhood trauma is built into most therapeutic modalities for BPD." Lefley continues to discuss this flawed thinking and points out the importance of the family as a support to the person with BPD.

2) So when, prior to a poignant story from one of the participants a quote from APA, 1994 is given, "Those who suffer significant childhood trauma may be more likely to develop BPD". I chose to stop watching.

Maybe later I will return to watch, but when something so important from my perspective is treated with information so dated and the video is so poorly introduced, I am not encouraged by it. A pity really, it can be so heartening to learn stories of recovery.

cheers,

Vivek  

[SweetCharlotte]

I agree, Vivek  (commented on this very flaw earlier in the thread).

There was no recognition of the role of genetics. Without a genetic predisposition, it would not happen. Plenty of people were quite abused or neglected in childhood and did not develop BPD.

In addition, one can be so hard-wired for BPD that just the normal trauma of being a baby/toddler/child/adolescent is sufficient to bring it out. Or a trigger that surfaces later in life.