BPD mother is dead,but caring for her as she was ill for last five years was hel

[vowel]

Have not recovered from being  a caregiver for BPD mom.  She was never treated or diagnosed until I put her on hospice care.  Was older than th diagnosis itself. I had gotten away.  Was happy until I move back. Now my memories of childhood wash over me too often, putrid memories. It helps to read others stories. At 71 I think I have realized you never get completely over abuse.  You make improvements, lots of improvements, but I still long for a mother-a real Hollywood version.  I am glad I took good care of her, but I could have used more help.

[Octoberfest]

Hey vowel-

I am sorry to hear that you have had to live for so long with the trauma that a parent with BPD is capable of inflicting on their children.  I am glad however that you have found us here; I DO think you can make some massive improvements by being on this website. I know that I have. 

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with  pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

I think the following information may be of use to you also:

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

How to Forgive an Abusive Parent

Also, this book may be worth looking into getting:

Surviving a Borderline Parent

I am sorry that you have been through all that you have   you are a good daughter for having been there for your mother until the end.

Welcome to bpdfamily.

Octoberfest

[P.F.Change]

 

Glad you are here. It is never too late to find support for yourself. My mother has BPD too and I know how stressful it can be. Many of us whose parents have this disorder suffer from symptoms of PTSD. I definitely understand what it is like to have intrusive memories and flashbacks. When you have a complicated relationship with a parent, there are many layers of grief, even before they pass away. I know I have wished I had a real mother. Sometimes it helps to talk through it all with a therapist. I have learned a lot from therapy.

I hope you will stick around and keep posting.

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Lao Tzu]

Dear Vowel,

     I think it was William Faulkner who said "The past is never dead -- it isn't even past".  This is true for all of us, believe it or not.  No one can fix what was unfair for you.  The question is, can you get past having needed more help?  If you can, you can start preparing a future for yourself now that's a lot happier.  You're going to have to do something pretty hard though.  You're going to have to be willing to take the chance that you, even at 71, can dare to be happier now.  Once you manage that, 90% of the war is won.

LT