continued contact

[mitchell16]

this more of a vent i guess. It seems my exBPD has resorted to attempts at contact every 7 to 9 days. last one was work related aboyt 8 days ago. I repsonded with just a plain reponse. now she sends a text telling about some event coming up this weekend and tells me she is hoping im doing ok. It just makes me mad. Im sure its a fishing expedition or a probe like I like to call it. and I know based on my experience and what I have read here why they do it but it just gets on my last nerve. Of course Id like to say I was doing good uptil this point but I wasnt BUt I was doing alittle better. I had started back to the gym, started working a second job. Start back focusing on my finances. Was looking at picking up some of my old hobbie again. But this has caused me alot of stress and aggravation. I cant change my number becasue of work. I shut down my fb so I wouldnt be tempted to look at hers and also so she couldnt use it as means to communicate. Im just frustarted.

[clover528]

I feel for you Mitchell.  I have tried NC. I have tried LC. Now after legal battles, which I lost by the way, I get "your welcome" this morning. Not a word in 10 days since I was denied the po. Now I get, "your welcome". The last communication was pictures of him and his gf engaged in adult behavior. Then him taunting me to leave him alone. I have very much left him alone since forever! Now I get this message. May have been a mistake? a fishing expedition? some attempt to be a jerk or sarcasm? I could sit and read  a million things into it, if I allowed my mind to go there. I am choosing to let it go. Not bite ( yet again ) and pray for peace.

I am truly sorry for all you are going thru and have. This is such a horrible way for anyone to have to live. We all have been thru hell. Yes, Im sure things could be worse but for each of us, this is our own personal hell. It may pale in comparison to another but its ours and we have to deal with it our way. Try and be strong. Know you have help and support here. Keep your head up and know you are the better person. In the end, you will rise victorious. God bless.

clover

[Moonie75]

I suffered this frustrating nonsense last week, two text messages about something unimportant in the local news. Then the week before I got sent a sms picture of some random dog in a park (no idea what that was about). I haven't replied to any of them but it frustrated the hell out of me that she seems to have a 6th sense that knows the days I'm struggling!

Nothing this week which is a bonus, but there's always every week in the future. I hate it!

[clover528]

Moonie not replying to those things are really tough. And I have been angry with myself for thinking about the dang txt so much. I dont want to give that power to him. i havent replied in ages to the nonsense. But today, I want to send him my pic with a wink and say "its 'you're welcome' signed the grammar police." Its a little thing we did. and the pic is just a rub to him about what he is missing. I am not saying i am gorgeous, but I am an attractive woman. While his new gf is pretty, I feel confident that i could cause him to pause for being such a jerk.  i would  never do that, but man is it tempting. Just those little digs we would love to get in because of all the heartache and jabs we have sustained.  I am human after all.

I too am keeping silent for me. It serves no purpose to engage in the drama. I am satisfied in the knowledge, i am getting stronger and more confidant with each passing day. We all can overcome.

[mitchell16]

well it hard not to get into the thinking of what are they trying to do. whats their motive? it very hard not tho think that way. But im doing my best not to anlyze it and just look at it for what it is. But its frustrating and heart breaking because its keeps my mind being pulled back even though I control this, it still very hard emotionally.

[GreenMango]

Mitch you two have been dancing like this for a long time.  I'm sure this is exhausting for you.

Her motive?  No motive - impulsive response to emotional need. 

Her texts reel you back in time and time again.  You get to a place where you start to move on and she pops in - then its back to square one.

I've got some questions for you if you don't mind.

Do you want to be with her?  (no right or wrong answer here)

[sadinnc98]

Mine is continuing to contact me as well... . its almost cruel. I know he has moved on, so why not leave me alone? I wish I had the strength to ignore/block, etc... but I don't.  The contact is brief and platonic... but IMO its not necessary... . its just causing me more pain.

[Moonie75]

Mine is continuing to contact me as well... . its almost cruel. I know he has moved on, so why not leave me alone? I wish I had the strength to ignore/block, etc... but I don't.  The contact is brief and platonic... but IMO its not necessary... . its just causing me more pain.

Keeping the fish hooked on the line in case you don't catch anything bigger is cruel. Nice people unhook them & let them go!

[sadinnc98]

Mine is continuing to contact me as well... . its almost cruel. I know he has moved on, so why not leave me alone? I wish I had the strength to ignore/block, etc... but I don't.  The contact is brief and platonic... but IMO its not necessary... . its just causing me more pain.

Keeping the fish hooked on the line in case you don't catch anything bigger is cruel. Nice people unhook them & let them go!

I love this quote!  I think in his mind too, I will always be an option for him... . and if he keeps me on the hook, then I won't move forward and be available for when he *needs* me or the current fling figures out how crazy he is and unloads him... I am not going to be anyone's back up plan any more.

[mitchell16]

we have been doing this dance for a long while. Yes im exhuasted. Im tired and of it all. I have my hopes and dreams with this person smashed and crushed so many times ive lost count. I know she is not repsonsible for my happiness, thats on me. But what Im talking about is her promising to get help, saying she relizes it her fault, I get back back and then she pulls it again. BUt that on me since I go back each time and shes not holding a gun on me. What im referring to is that they just keep on and keep on and its heartbreaking. Its like torturing someone over and over. I have done everything possible to avoid this person, Shut down facebook, stopped taking calls, stop returning texts, I cant cancell my phone because of work. I feel like im in pure hell with this. I have told her we cant be friends, I have told her not to call me anymore. Why would I want to be her friend. what could she offer me. That sounds selfish on my part but really. Why would I want to talk to her about her new man in her life or her problems in general. why would I want to do that. So no I dont want back. I did last time because she had seen the problems and claimed she was egtting therapy for it, Yeah, right.

[GreenMango]

So when you've tried it again how did that go?  Did you get a chance to delve into the staying board lessons?

Im asking this because I sense a bit of hopelessness on your part and sometimes its good walk around the details a bit to help fortify resolve or spur on committment.