I don't love you, don't abandon me...

[Blaise]

I realize I have some of the traits of my dBPDexgf: there is a little voicie in me who tells her I don't love you but don't abandon me.

I am not sure I am very different from my ex gf in terms of relating.

The difference is probably that I am aware of it and can work on it/avoid repeating the same patterns.

[Ittookthislong]

same same. of all the anger I showed and tears, and rumination and therapy... . if I found a genie in a bottle and had 3 wishes, NOWHERE in those wishes would I wish to have him back. If he showed up on my doorstep begging for another chance, I think I would vomit, so its strange I wonder if that's true why I even bother to think about it at all. why cant I let it go. why am I so angry about being abandoned by someone I don't want anywhere near me.

stupid trauma bond. I think it comes down to being angry that it played out the way it did, I can accept that its over, but not the way it ended, it was so unneccesary and humiliating

[snappafcw]

I think this is a very good post. One that has been covered many times but not so much in this wording. I think it is the trauma bond that was set which also brought out our past issues at least it was for me. I guess part of it is the injustice too. I wish my ex girlfriend nothing but love and happiness yet all signs of her social media suggest she has moved on worlds apart since me and here I am still. My head knows its the illness you can't rationalise the irrational but that doesn't make her actions any less devastating. I'm doing all the right things to move on but I think through this whole experience I'm a little socially awkward still (i wasn't in the past) I think its obvious I'm walking around like a wounded dog. I hate that. I'm not doing it on purpose i just can't hide it I'm still hurting but pushing on

[KHC_33]

Very good posts. I can definitely  relate. I know with my partner and I (I wanted to end the relationship months ago) Back in May I actually said it was over. He begged me not to go. It was time. We have been seeing each other since (live in different cities), but it has been very unhealthy. I told him last week that if he was to be in a relationship with myself & the girls (something has to give). That point we both agreed we aren't together. (I am fine with it) BUT he still wants to be involved (in our lives). Which is a bit confusing for me.

Separated (that is our status) but he still wants to be physically involved as well as emotionally). I am thinking we are separated to focus on ourselves and I am not going to miss an opportunity if it comes around to enjoy, do things, or heal myself. Thinking oh I shouldn't because he may not want me to?

He said people break up and then get back together. I understand that. I don't agree with myself & the girls being dragged on with all the behaviors. I have set  boundaries I am comfortable with and now into counseling to get help for my own issues dealing with this. He wants to be over but still wants to be in? I feel socially awkward too LOL. I am very shy at times, or second guess myself or even think about the negative things I was told (believed). Toxic shame I endured. I have to find my way back to healing.

Do I want him back? Wow. When I read I would vomit (second chance) if he wanted. I feel myself feeling the same. Things would have to be so different. I know I can't keep hoping that one day I will wake up and everything will be exactly I had pictures in my dream.

[Ironmanrises]

Snap,

The signs that you see via social media of your ex having moved on worlds apart is for show for the audience she wishes for to see. It is for show. When my exUBPDgf came back to me, I had let her back into my social media world. When I began to look through all her old pics and posts of the time she wasn't with me for 3 months... . She depicted a similar picture of having moved on. However, in private she kept telling me she was miserable the entire time. There were scattered signs in her postings that revealed to me that she started to miss me a month into NC and slowly increased as time passed which lead into her re-engaging of me. That whole moving on is just a facade that they want the enabling audience of theirs to see. Sad behavior? Yes. But a reflection of what thet want to be seen as.

If the so called friends of my exUBPDgf really knew how she was... . they really wouldn't be her friend.