Broke 6 weeks NC today & didn't go well

[Moonie75]

Six weeks ago me & BPD ex parted & I've been NC ever since. I was to pay her some money by the end of the month & decided to do it today while I had enough in the bank.

I txt'd her to ask for bank details for transfer & she replied with info.

Txt'd her to say it was done & she replied with a thank you (so all seemed civil & well).

I've recently just last week got into a band which we both watched at a festival few months ago. We were both talking with the singer back then before they went on & we swapped numbers as they were looking for a new drummer.

I had a couple pratcises with that band last week & they said they weren't sure which number was for which & that they'd been txting (unknowingly, ex's number) trying to get hold of me for while, then tried other number (which was mine instead of hers).

After she thanked me for the transfer I replied explaining the phone number cock up & said i hoped the unwanted & probably confusing txt's hadn't caused any problem.

She replied with this & it's made me feel really low.

"Look Moonie I'm not interested in which band you're in or anything now. Nobody from that group with be calling me at all. But THEY WILL see you in your true colours before long. FUNNY THAT! Lots of musicians out there, you're not the only one!"

I wasn't sure if she thought I was trying to make her jealous? Or if me having something good happen pi$$ed her off? She seemed in her reply to read my explanation as some kind of boastfulness or something?

I was just explaining her getting the txt's & that it wouldn't happen again because number confusion was cleared up. She went from civil & polite to shooting me down with derogatory reply!

I'm glad I don't have to contact her again but didn't expect that turn in her attitude & it's done me more harm than I would've expected it to.

[goldylamont]

she's basically telegraphing to you exactly how she would behave in the same situation. if you got texts from some of her friends about her life going well, it wouldn't be a mistake, just some manipulation to hurt you. so, ya she prolly thinks you're up to the same even though you're not. and did you ever share any insecurities about your music career with her? if so, that's the first place she'll look to try and hurt you by. she wants you to know so bad that she doesn't care about you at all--isn't that so sweet? Moonie75 i'm sorry she's doing this, sadly it's typical. Your BPDex will literally scream at you how little you matter to her, ever mattered to her, if you let her. And if you start to detach it's possible she might come back acting all warm and sweet, for the sole purpose of softening you up, just so she can say more hurtful things like this again. Take care. I don't want to be that cold and unfeeling. She's not the strong independent woman who is "over you" that she is trying to project. Again, sorry about this, you don't deserve it. Just remember, it's all a lie, don't believe anything she says good or bad from now on.

[Moonie75]

Godly,

In order for me to deal with her very loaded reply, I've told myself that it's probably her insecurities about her causing it. I figured the 'true colours' thing is about her?

And the generally claiming to not care & put the musician thing down is actually the exact opposite?

I'd like to think I might be having a better time than she & it pi$$es her right off?

Read it out to my mate & his first thought was "Moonie man that's full of projection!"

[Moonie75]

And now, since that txt exchange this morning, this afternoon, two phone calls to the land line at my workshop, withheld calls & caller hung up soon as I answered both times!

I've never had any withheld caller phone here before & hang up with out speaking!

Coincidence? I don't know! I don't know why you'd call someone you hope is rotting in hell & hang up when they answered?

Today's definitely been one of those 'bad' days!

[Gaslit]

My Take: Returning the money to her was the last "hook" back to you. Once you did that, you were now leaving her. (It matters none what the actual cirsumstances are.)

This was you leaving.

And to top it all off, you are leaving and actually moving forward with a new band! All good things.

But to her, she feels abandoned. It is really over now.

So yes, your happiness makes her sad in that regard.

The Good NEWS! The Good news is that there is nothing you can do. If you were to instead say you wanted to re-try with her, etc., she would instantly feel better and also turn you down! A very no-win situation.

Where you are now is as good as it gets. You returned the money, never grovled, and are moving forward in a new band.

I'd say a congratuations is in order!

[Moonie75]

Gaslit,

Thank you, you speak sense!

I thought about what you said about the money being the last hook & my moving forward with a new band! Very popular band too with large following in these parts which will introduce me to a lot of new people! 

I've never had a single 'funny phone call' since we split, & then soon as the last hook is gone, WITHIN HOURS, nonsense starts happening. This, from a very high functioning woman who's still in honeymoon phase with new guy! The longer they go well, the better for me!