Out of sight out of mind ? a uBPD mother

[Depression = 72% of members]

 

Wondering whether this is true for any of you guys here?

uBPD mom: When you are not around her physically, you are absent from her life, in general.

I have always thought there was a lacking consistency to the thread of the relationship e.g what I spoke about to her doesn't get followed up.

Maybe because always long gaps between talking and a bad memory on her part. (I am talking about a time when we had more of a relationship / I am nearly NC now).

I'm sure it's more than that though because if, for insistence something vital was happening with me i.e food poisoning, car broken down... . the normal they would be to contact me to see how it's going etc. Whereas she never has.

(I'm sure this has been mentioned in bits I've read before outside this site).

This query just planted itself in my mind & thought it's worth putting the question out there.


Cheers, hugs to you  

[StarStruck]

 

Wondering whether this is true for any of you guys here?

uBPD mom: When you are not around her physically, you are absent from her life, in general.

I have always thought there was a lacking consistency to the thread of the relationship e.g what I spoke about to her doesn't get followed up.

Maybe because always long gaps between talking and a bad memory on her part. (I am talking about a time when we had more of a relationship / I am nearly NC now).

I'm sure it's more than that though because if, for insistence something vital was happening with me i.e food poisoning, car broken down... . the normal they would be to contact me to see how it's going etc. Whereas she never has.

(I'm sure this has been mentioned in bits I've read before outside this site).

This query just planted itself in my mind & thought it's worth putting the question out there.


Cheers, hugs to you  

[GeekyGirl]

Hi missful,

Yes, I think the phrase, "out of sight, out of mind," might be true. It might be that your mother expects you to initiate contact with her. It might not occur to your mother to call you, too.

Do you think that your mother forgets about you when she hasn't seen you for a while?

Hugs to you too!

[StarStruck]

I was thinking more of a mental problem she has, not a behavioral one. A hard wired disconnection.

Perhaps it's hard for these two to be separated. (Maybe stating the obvious = it's easier for them to disconnect)

Meaning any relationship doesn't exist if it's not right in their face. They don't think about you when you're gone, that sort of thing.

------Looking for advice for insight into how their brain functions.

Example: a tray gets put in front of you, with 7 items on, one of those items being a lemon.

The lemon gets removed... . the 'tester' asks you about the connections about the items.

One would wonder how the lemon could or could not be involved in the puzzle.

The BPD person cannot solve the puzzle because they haven't even considered the lemon; they've already forgotten about it cause it's not in the same place anymore.

-----------


I have read about this phenomena before somewhere regards to BPD and wonder whether anyone knew about this too?

A weird one I know but interesting all the same.  

[StarStruck]

Thanks GeekyGirl; In response to your reply. Yes the relationship felt always one way - no consistency or relationship development.