i just got all the closure i need

[Bananas]

my old T used to talk a lot about "the universe".  she would say "the universe is not going to let you off that easy" when i used to lament about running into my uPDexbf.  but she would also say "the universe will also show you things".

well tonight the universe showed me something big.  totally random... .

so i was out tonight with some friends in the town where my exbf lives.  and my exbf's ex, the girl he supposedly broke up with 3 months before i started dating him was there. never seen her out before.  we live about 2 hrs apart, and my exbf lives in the middle of us.  she didn't know we were together, she thought we were just good friends and obviously i thought she was an ex.  turns out he was still with her 19 of the 24 months we were together.  i sat there and listened as she retold "my" story to me but in her story she was me.  mind you he is now married to another woman.  cut her out in october, me the following march and now married to someone else in may. all i can say is WOW!  the whole r/s was a lie. 

thank you universe!

[peas]

So did the other ex get all hooked on the guy? How did she handle the breakup? How is she doing now?

How do you feel after learning this new information?

[Bananas]

So did the other ex get all hooked on the guy? How did she handle the breakup? How is she doing now?

How do you feel after learning this new information?

Yes he was telling her all the same stuff he was telling me, we were both hooked.  She handled the breakup just like me, she felt totally betrayed.  never really ended things with her just cut her out one day just like me.  she found out about his fiancee the same way i did, through a mutual friend.  what a mess.  she is doing much better.  she has a new bf, one of my friends knows him, he is a really good guy. 

i feel validated.  it wasn't all me just like it wasn't all her.  she said i gave her closure too.  i feel sad, but not for myself if that makes sense, just for the whole situation.  but i feel good too, kind of at peace with everything, definitely a positive step to my healing. 

[peas]

It's good this is a healing flashpoint for you. I'm a jealous person and if I had learned of this about my ex I probably wouldn't be able to contain myself. As it is I have a hunch he was on to other people before he broke up with me and when I get those thoughts I just get angry all over again.

Lord help the new woman in your ex's life.

[Learning_curve74]

i feel validated.  it wasn't all me just like it wasn't all her.  she said i gave her closure too.  i feel sad, but not for myself if that makes sense, just for the whole situation.  but i feel good too, kind of at peace with everything, definitely a positive step to my healing. 

Wow... . God, the motivating force of the universe, life, whatever... . really does work in strange ways. Very cool.

Reading that made me smile. Thanks. 

[Bananas]

It's good this is a healing flashpoint for you. I'm a jealous person and if I had learned of this about my ex I probably wouldn't be able to contain myself. As it is I have a hunch he was on to other people before he broke up with me and when I get those thoughts I just get angry all over again.

Lord help the new woman in your ex's life.

Peas,

I had the same hunch and I was right.  I am actually surprised at my feelings because I think if I was reading my post as someone else I would have written the same words that you did.  I guess I am more detached than I thought. 

Focusing on myself has helped that tremendously.  It is so hard to do, if you were like me I spent my whole r/s (2 years) and the better part of the last 5 1/2 months completely focused on my ex.  I had to practice focusing on me and the role I played in the r/s.  It was hard in the beginning.  It didn't feel right.  It was really only this last month or so that I can say I am starting to feel a shift.  Therapy and this Board are helping me a lot. The more I practice, the more I do it naturally and the easier it gets.