My first and hopefully last experience with BPD.

[Indalecio]

This is a recollection of the end of my BPD relationship. We were together from January 12th, till August 4th, when I kicked her out. I could no longer handle all the lies, deception and cheating. I gave her two months and tried my best to get her to go to therapy with me, but I couldn't force her, so here we go.

This story begins on the 20th of August and ends on the 30th. I apologize for its length, but when I put all this together the other night, I was feeling pretty rough and do apologize for the language.


Last week, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, we had a great time together. Lots of cuddles, kisses, talking, smiles and sex. It was like we used to be. Well, come Friday, she's so upset, crying, but won't tell me why. She writes a note on my phone, deletes our texts and photos, then leaves.

The note read as follows

"I love you so much. I want you to promise me that no matter what you will always take care of yourself. These last few months have taught me so much about myself and about life. You've been a very important part of my life

I've been thinking about perhaps going somewhere and getting help for my issues I'm not sure what to do yet. If I do during that time I won't be able to talk or see you  Please accomplish things in life be happy go to school you are a good person and worth the love of other people. You know how to get in touch with me and i know how to get in touch with you as well. Thank you for what you've taught me"


After that, I didn't hear from her at all until this Tuesday. She came  over Tuesday night to get her razor blades, which as far as she was concerned, I still had.

I lied just to get her over here.

But I double lied and still have them, they're great for getting paint and  off things.

Anyway. We sat down and I told her "You're going to be mad at me, but I can't be responsable for you harming yourself. I love and care about you, so I threw them away."

She got really pissed "What the , Scottie. I came all the way over here for nothing? Bye."

But I didn't let her leave.

I told her to sit down and listen. I explained how there's a good person inside her. How that 14 year old is trapped in such a thick fog that her parents created. How her father raping and molesting her, then her mother never giving a damn about her have ruined her mind.

But that girl is inside her head and she doesn't want you to live like this.

She told me that she wants me to forget about her and move on. To be happy with other people. Find someone that values me and will be loyal unlike her.

[8:46:22 PM] I want that too, but I want it to be you. ( I do want it to be her, but I doubt it will be, but if I push these positive thoughts, I'm hoping she will seek help.)

She really needs a positive role model in her life. Someone that won't use her and abuse her like she's used to. I told her this. I told her so many positive things about herself.

I've felt such a spectrum of emotions thanks to you. I've not only been the happiest in my life, but the saddest thanks to you.

Anyway, here's where it gets bad.

She asks me to go get her a tissue. I tell her we can get it together, they're in the bathroom.

Because whenever she asks me to do something, I know she's trying to be sneaky and she's so  at it.

[8:46:39 PM] She insists I go get it for her, so I'm like sure, it's all of 5 steps away. I keep my eye on her as I step into the bathroom and get the box.

The moment, the ing moment I step away from her, she jumps up and runs into the kitchen.

I throw the box on the bed and am right behind her as she grabs the biggest knife out of the set and is just about to pull it across her throat.

I grab her by the wrist, both of them and I'm hysterical. This is such a surreal moment. I do my best to calm her down. Tell her to look into my eyes, focus on my voice and take deep slow breaths like me and calmly talk her down.

I ask her what this will accomplish. I ask if she realizes what will happen to me if she does this.

Her mom has enough money to do whatever she can to make me out the perpetrator.

She says I'll be fine, that I shouldn't worry.

Anyway, she holds onto that knife long and hard. I hold her other hand and just cry and tell her to stop it, that this is hurting me. The one person I love, I care about, that means the world to me is trying to kill herself in front of me.

She takes her free hand that I'm holding and lifts it up to her chest, trying to nonchalantly get her wrist over the blade. I'm thinking naw girl, I saw that coming.

and I keep her wrist from it. Hell, I hold onto the blade itself, just to try and make a point, that if she wants to do this, she'll have to kill me first.

[8:47:19 PM] The night continues with a lot of crying, cuddling, sex and cuddling.

Then she left  after we talked out by the car for a bit.

I hated it.

I did not want to shut that car door.

I told her I would never speak to her again unless she needs support from me.

and that she can contact me.

[8:48:16 PM] Now we move onto Thursday night and Friday afternoon... .

[8:48:40 PM]  I found out just about everything she told me was a fabrication. Learning this is helping me get over her like 10 times faster. Even more lies than I originally thought.

That her ex never cheated on her. That her dad never molested her. That she was never kicked out of school, she quit going to Salem on her own. She slanders everybodies name to make her look like the victim to her new "victims."

Everything I read about this disorder is so true!

I found out through her ex. Him and I talked for a few hours last night. What got my attention was when he said "I love my new girlfriend and I would never cheat. That hurts way too much." and I remembered my gf telling me he cheated on her all the time. So I asked a couple questions, one thing lead to another and we started comparing our lies to one anothers. While her and I were together, despite all the lies she was telling me about him, she tried to get back together with him several times and he kept telling her no.

I don't blame him, now.

Really makes me wonder how much she's been slandering my name to her new victim and family.

The last 8 months with her went by so quickly because of the chaos, drama and adrenalin highs and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy a lot of it, but the dishonesty and cheating... . That was the end of it.

Then this happened on the 30th around 4pm.


"I don't know if you can get this, but if you do, just know that I've been thinking about you and hoping that you're ok and getting closer to finding a better job. Don't text me back. I'm just hoping you read this. It hurts to live. You know my pain more than anyone. It hurts more for me to survive than to die." ((That's a no brainer))

So per request, I do not respond... . Well... . 20 minutes later... .

"I'm fine and I'm getting ready to go to work. I'm just exhausted from having to fight everyday." ((Fight what? Why are you telling me this? You told me not to respond!))

and a little more time passes, she decides to send photos of herself.

Then lastly, 15 more minutes and she calls. I don't answer.

You tell me not to reply, but you reach for my attention at the same time? What the hell.


I haven't heard from her since around 5pm yesterday. I expect her to try talking again soon, or just appear at my door.


There's so much more to be said, but from what I read on the forums and medical reports online, it's nothing new or worth repeating asides for getting it off my chest.

I thought I could handle her. Nothing she did really bothered me except for the cheating. That's my number one rule. She spoiled me with false love, affection, gifts and so much more. Thinking of it as a mere fantasy is helping me heal, but I will mourn. She was that one special, unique girl I had always wanted and I suppose that makes sense. She, like most BPDs idolized me and wanted me to be happy, so she let me mold her into what I've always wanted.

Damn it, BPD. Why you gotta ruin good things?

[Bioman]

This is a recollection of the end of my BPD relationship. We were together from January 12th, till August 4th, when I kicked her out. I could no longer handle all the lies, deception and cheating. I gave her two months and tried my best to get her to go to therapy with me, but I couldn't force her, so here we go.

This story begins on the 20th of August and ends on the 30th. I apologize for its length, but when I put all this together the other night, I was feeling pretty rough and do apologize for the language.


Last week, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, we had a great time together. Lots of cuddles, kisses, talking, smiles and sex. It was like we used to be. Well, come Friday, she's so upset, crying, but won't tell me why. She writes a note on my phone, deletes our texts and photos, then leaves.

The note read as follows

"I love you so much. I want you to promise me that no matter what you will always take care of yourself. These last few months have taught me so much about myself and about life. You've been a very important part of my life

I've been thinking about perhaps going somewhere and getting help for my issues I'm not sure what to do yet. If I do during that time I won't be able to talk or see you  Please accomplish things in life be happy go to school you are a good person and worth the love of other people. You know how to get in touch with me and i know how to get in touch with you as well. Thank you for what you've taught me"


After that, I didn't hear from her at all until this Tuesday. She came  over Tuesday night to get her razor blades, which as far as she was concerned, I still had.

I lied just to get her over here.

But I double lied and still have them, they're great for getting paint and  off things.

Anyway. We sat down and I told her "You're going to be mad at me, but I can't be responsable for you harming yourself. I love and care about you, so I threw them away."

She got really pissed "What the , Scottie. I came all the way over here for nothing? Bye."

But I didn't let her leave.

I told her to sit down and listen. I explained how there's a good person inside her. How that 14 year old is trapped in such a thick fog that her parents created. How her father raping and molesting her, then her mother never giving a damn about her have ruined her mind.

But that girl is inside her head and she doesn't want you to live like this.

She told me that she wants me to forget about her and move on. To be happy with other people. Find someone that values me and will be loyal unlike her.

[8:46:22 PM] I want that too, but I want it to be you. ( I do want it to be her, but I doubt it will be, but if I push these positive thoughts, I'm hoping she will seek help.)

She really needs a positive role model in her life. Someone that won't use her and abuse her like she's used to. I told her this. I told her so many positive things about herself.

I've felt such a spectrum of emotions thanks to you. I've not only been the happiest in my life, but the saddest thanks to you.

Anyway, here's where it gets bad.

She asks me to go get her a tissue. I tell her we can get it together, they're in the bathroom.

Because whenever she asks me to do something, I know she's trying to be sneaky and she's so  at it.

[8:46:39 PM] She insists I go get it for her, so I'm like sure, it's all of 5 steps away. I keep my eye on her as I step into the bathroom and get the box.

The moment, the ing moment I step away from her, she jumps up and runs into the kitchen.

I throw the box on the bed and am right behind her as she grabs the biggest knife out of the set and is just about to pull it across her throat.

I grab her by the wrist, both of them and I'm hysterical. This is such a surreal moment. I do my best to calm her down. Tell her to look into my eyes, focus on my voice and take deep slow breaths like me and calmly talk her down.

I ask her what this will accomplish. I ask if she realizes what will happen to me if she does this.

Her mom has enough money to do whatever she can to make me out the perpetrator.

She says I'll be fine, that I shouldn't worry.

Anyway, she holds onto that knife long and hard. I hold her other hand and just cry and tell her to stop it, that this is hurting me. The one person I love, I care about, that means the world to me is trying to kill herself in front of me.

She takes her free hand that I'm holding and lifts it up to her chest, trying to nonchalantly get her wrist over the blade. I'm thinking naw girl, I saw that coming.

and I keep her wrist from it. Hell, I hold onto the blade itself, just to try and make a point, that if she wants to do this, she'll have to kill me first.

[8:47:19 PM] The night continues with a lot of crying, cuddling, sex and cuddling.

Then she left  after we talked out by the car for a bit.

I hated it.

I did not want to shut that car door.

I told her I would never speak to her again unless she needs support from me.

and that she can contact me.

[8:48:16 PM] Now we move onto Thursday night and Friday afternoon... .

[8:48:40 PM]  I found out just about everything she told me was a fabrication. Learning this is helping me get over her like 10 times faster. Even more lies than I originally thought.

That her ex never cheated on her. That her dad never molested her. That she was never kicked out of school, she quit going to Salem on her own. She slanders everybodies name to make her look like the victim to her new "victims."

Everything I read about this disorder is so true!

I found out through her ex. Him and I talked for a few hours last night. What got my attention was when he said "I love my new girlfriend and I would never cheat. That hurts way too much." and I remembered my gf telling me he cheated on her all the time. So I asked a couple questions, one thing lead to another and we started comparing our lies to one anothers. While her and I were together, despite all the lies she was telling me about him, she tried to get back together with him several times and he kept telling her no.

I don't blame him, now.

Really makes me wonder how much she's been slandering my name to her new victim and family.

The last 8 months with her went by so quickly because of the chaos, drama and adrenalin highs and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy a lot of it, but the dishonesty and cheating... . That was the end of it.

Then this happened on the 30th around 4pm.


"I don't know if you can get this, but if you do, just know that I've been thinking about you and hoping that you're ok and getting closer to finding a better job. Don't text me back. I'm just hoping you read this. It hurts to live. You know my pain more than anyone. It hurts more for me to survive than to die." ((That's a no brainer))

So per request, I do not respond... . Well... . 20 minutes later... .

"I'm fine and I'm getting ready to go to work. I'm just exhausted from having to fight everyday." ((Fight what? Why are you telling me this? You told me not to respond!))

and a little more time passes, she decides to send photos of herself.

Then lastly, 15 more minutes and she calls. I don't answer.

You tell me not to reply, but you reach for my attention at the same time? What the hell.


I haven't heard from her since around 5pm yesterday. I expect her to try talking again soon, or just appear at my door.


There's so much more to be said, but from what I read on the forums and medical reports online, it's nothing new or worth repeating asides for getting it off my chest.

I thought I could handle her. Nothing she did really bothered me except for the cheating. That's my number one rule. She spoiled me with false love, affection, gifts and so much more. Thinking of it as a mere fantasy is helping me heal, but I will mourn. She was that one special, unique girl I had always wanted and I suppose that makes sense. She, like most BPDs idolized me and wanted me to be happy, so she let me mold her into what I've always wanted.

Damn it, BPD. Why you gotta ruin good things?

can i ask how old she is and are you around the same age

and when you say cheating do you mean with someone else

[Indalecio]

I am 27 and she is 19. She was diagnosed around last November and yes, she cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for about 2 months (Sometime in June, up until I kicked her out.) Now he's her problem, but I don't really feel for the guy. I tried to talk to him, but he's only 20, so I imagine he thought I was just running him off (which I was also trying.)

The thought that she'd go out with her "friends" and come home to me at 3 or 4am, crawl into bed, cuddle and kiss me after doing what she just did... . It infuriated me.

At first, it didn't bother me that she would go hang out with friends, but then she came home with hickies all over her neck and after a little arguing and investigating, because she could never be honest, I found out there was never any friends involved. It was just her and her co-worker, Dylan. I told her I was through and was leaving. She cried, apologized and so on. Well, I bought into it.

So what happens in another week? She's now coming to bed with her shirt on and won't shower with me. How odd I thought. She was very determined to leave it on and avoid me while nude.

Sure enough, her chest and stomach were covered in hickies. I tried, and I tried, and I tried. But in the end, she just can't stop seeking affection from anyone that gives her a smile.

[GreenMango]

You had to confiscate razors, she held a knife to her throat and then later that night you guys had sex? Then she went home?

[Indalecio]

Yep. After calming her down and getting the knife from her, I managed to walk her back into the living/bedroom (studio apartment) and sat her down on the bed. She leaned on me, we cried, then a soft kiss on her forehead set off the emotional explosion of sex.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I love/loved everything about this girl and did my best to help her handle her BPD, but the cheating pushed me to my limit.

I did my best with what I knew at the time and can say I have no regrets. I just miss what we used to be.

[Bioman]

I am 27 and she is 19. She was diagnosed around last November and yes, she cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for about 2 months (Sometime in June, up until I kicked her out.) Now he's her problem, but I don't really feel for the guy. I tried to talk to him, but he's only 20, so I imagine he thought I was just running him off (which I was also trying.)

The thought that she'd go out with her "friends" and come home to me at 3 or 4am, crawl into bed, cuddle and kiss me after doing what she just did... . It infuriated me.

At first, it didn't bother me that she would go hang out with friends, but then she came home with hickies all over her neck and after a little arguing and investigating, because she could never be honest, I found out there was never any friends involved. It was just her and her co-worker, Dylan. I told her I was through and was leaving. She cried, apologized and so on. Well, I bought into it.

So what happens in another week? She's now coming to bed with her shirt on and won't shower with me. How odd I thought. She was very determined to leave it on and avoid me while nude.

Sure enough, her chest and stomach were covered in hickies. I tried, and I tried, and I tried. But in the end, she just can't stop seeking affection from anyone that gives her a smile.

she is 19 and still a teenager

and what you have said about her experiences when she was younger is still very raw

do you think she is lashing out at you because you are older ?

going out of the way here when she would come home has she be drinking ?

as this as we all know can get you in to all sorts of trouble

being young you are under so many pressures and her past has not helped

i never told any one what happened to me when i was younger for many years

do you think this is in her way a cry for help that did not get

also you put she would not shower with you does she have too

the part about leaving her shirt on do you think she may be ashamed as she has been out so late maybe drinking or something else that she has falling into the trap

it has taking a long time for her to be diagnosed from the aged of 14 until now

you have met someone and fallen for but do not no what the past she has had when did she tell you all this as you have not been together for that long

please don't take me as been harsh

this is a young girl and sounds not secure and is battling with her past

yes you have been hurt and you say you have kicked her out

and is someone's else's problem maybe she has many problems going on she can not deal with

when she was staying out late you say at first it did not bother you could you not go out with her to ? or was it every night ?    


i was just about to post and 2 more replies had been left knife razors

and back to sex again there is a patten going on round here 

[GreenMango]

Yep. After calming her down and getting the knife from her, I managed to walk her back into the living/bedroom (studio apartment) and sat her down on the bed. She leaned on me, we cried, then a soft kiss on her forehead set off the emotional explosion of sex.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I love/loved everything about this girl and did my best to help her handle her BPD, but the cheating pushed me to my limit.

I did my best with what I knew at the time and can say I have no regrets. I just miss what we used to be.

The emotional intensity of this kind of situation can be unreal.

It's important to take a step back.  I don't think most of us woke up one day thinking you know today I want my partner to hold and knife to their throat and then have sex... . or prepare for it.

She sounds very unstable.  Considering her age and the illness it may be you need to be the leader here. It may be a good time to think about the long term effects for both you and her. 

What would be the safest right now? 

[Indalecio]

she is 19 and still a teenager

and what you have said about her experiences when she was younger is still very raw

do you think she is lashing out at you because you are older ?

I feel she looked at me as a father figure.

going out of the way here when she would come home has she be drinking ?

Yes, drinking and smoking pot because I'm responsible and had to keep a roof over our head.

as this as we all know can get you in to all sorts of trouble

being young you are under so many pressures and her past has not helped

i never told any one what happened to me when i was younger for many years

do you think this is in her way a cry for help that did not get

She had many therapists, but whenever they would challenge her to grow, she would go to a new one.

also you put she would not shower with you does she have too

Had to? No, but it's just what we did. If I was going to shower, she'd hop in and vice versa. Suddenly not joining me or wanting me to join her struck my curiosity.

the part about leaving her shirt on do you think she may be ashamed as she has been out so late maybe drinking or something else that she has falling into the trap

Like I said. Her and the guy, Dylan, whom she was cheating on me with left hickies all over her stomach and breasts that she had to hide from me.

it has taking a long time for her to be diagnosed from the aged of 14 until now

Very, very long. Her mother doesn't believe a word she says about what her father did, so she has no support from her family.

you have met someone and fallen for but do not no what the past she has had when did she tell you all this as you have not been together for that long

She told me after about two months. I suppose because she felt she could trust me. I am older, more mature, more understanding.

please don't take me as been harsh

Not at all!

this is a young girl and sounds not secure and is battling with her past

yes you have been hurt and you say you have kicked her out

and is someone's else's problem maybe she has many problems going on she can not deal with

when she was staying out late you say at first it did not bother you could you not go out with her to ? or was it every night ?    

No, she always had an excuse. "No one else is bringing their boyfriends" and such. I never once went out with her and her "friends" and complained about this on occasion, until I found out why.

i was just about to post and 2 more replies had been left knife razors

and back to sex again there is a patten going on round here  [/quote]

[Bioman]

do you think she is lashing out at you because you are older ?

I feel she looked at me as a father figure

but being a father figure

as you have said in your post started the problem

How that 14 year old is trapped in such a thick fog that her parents created. How her father raping and molesting her

she is young and sounds like she is craving for any type of affection she needs more help

the storm always get worse before the calm 

and even when the calm comes that storm can so easy stat again and again

was her father arrested for what happened for the cruel mental torture and rape 

[Indalecio]

Sadly, before what her dad did was ever brought to light, he passed in a car accident, so closure was never an option and that really bothered me.

I wanted him to pay up for what he did to this girl.

While she did look to up to me as a father figure, that was never my intention. I assume she was simply doing what all sufferers of BPD does and was idolizing me. Wanting to make me happy.

[Bioman]

Sadly, before what her dad did was ever brought to light, he passed in a car accident, so closure was never an option and that really bothered me.

I wanted him to pay up for what he did to this girl.

While she did look to up to me as a father figure, that was never my intention. I assume she was simply doing what all sufferers of BPD does and was idolizing me. Wanting to make me happy.

that is hard but in the end he got what was coming to him in a different way

closer is very hard to deal with

even you know you want it to happen being so young brings at all back over and over again

i was to young to no the person that hurt me and i have lived with it many years

this poor girl is going to take a lot of care and understanding it was not her fault what happened

drink drugs will not help

she sounds she is lashing out at anything but does not relies what she is doing

for your own father to do this to you must be so destructive in her mind as she was 14 at this age you no the right from wrong

i feel so sad for her time does heal but the scare will never leave

also you to caught in a mine field from a relationship to what you have said

only you now can decide if contact is made again you are going to have to be very open in what you say

she needs the help can she not get any more therapy

[Indalecio]

As far as contact is concerned. I'm torn between what my brain says and what my heart feels.

I know contact would only rip my slowly healing wounds right back open, but I do miss how she made me feel so alive, cherish, important.

However, with that said, I constantly check my phone to see if there's any sign from her. I have her blocked on Facebook because I dare not go look at whatever new photos she has put up.

I don't want to give up on hope, but I know it's for the best if I am to move on.

It's a real shame, but just the nature of the BPD beast.

[Bioman]

As far as contact is concerned. I'm torn between what my brain says and what my heart feels.

I know contact would only rip my slowly healing wounds right back open, but I do miss how she made me feel so alive, cherish, important.

However, with that said, I constantly check my phone to see if there's any sign from her. I have her blocked on Facebook because I dare not go look at whatever new photos she has put up.

I don't want to give up on hope, but I know it's for the best if I am to move on.

It's a real shame, but just the nature of the BPD beast.

you can not beat yourself up you can only deal what you think is right

i hear you are torn but she needs help

i am from the UK and help would be on hand how easy is it where you are 

[Indalecio]

The thing is, Bioman. She doesn't want help. I tried, man, I tried to give it to her. To get her to the doctors, to have her committed. Anything and everything, but she just refused!

She became a big pity-party and it was always about her, since the beginning.

You know how it goes. You pour your heart into a bucket that has a hundred holes drilled in it.

Now that I'm a empty emotional husk of my former self and finally stood up and said that's enough, she's on to her next victim like a succubus in the night.

[Bioman]

The thing is, Bioman. She doesn't want help. I tried, man, I tried to give it to her. To get her to the doctors, to have her committed. Anything and everything, but she just refused!

She became a big pity-party and it was always about her, since the beginning.

You know how it goes. You pour your heart into a bucket that has a hundred holes drilled in it.

Now that I'm a empty emotional husk of my former self and finally stood up and said that's enough, she's on to her next victim like a succubus in the night.

you have done your best

it has to come from her to relies she needs the help

the old saying goes you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink 

well done with your post's

i am only a newbie on here and was touched by your post sorry if i felt harsh

but that is me

take care my friend

Bioman

[GreenMango]

Indalecio

This us the hard part.  You tried to help.  The thing is with the sexual abuse and the closeness (read: intimacy) there's no way your position in her life was going to be therapeutic.  Nor should it be.

You can't be the cure when the things you guys engage in is the problem.

It's a huge trigger.  This isn't your fault.  But many of us have over reached in these relationships.  A proper outlet for her is professional - these are significant emotional traumas.

[Indalecio]

I understand that, GreenMango.

I suppose I'm just disappointed that I, and many, many others all failed. We all gave it our best, but in the end, the BPD won.

Being alone in our apartment really bothers me. I can admit that I too have my own abandonment issues, but after breaking up with her? I've never felt such a intense ache in my life.

Our relationship was a short 8 months and very, very toxic, sure, but those illusions were the best.

It was as if the girl of my dreams manifested and came to me. I'll never forget all the good times and sadly, neither the bad times.

I want her to get the help she needs. She knows I care and love for her and I always will because of what she's been through at such a young age.

I don't want to trigger her symptoms, that was never, ever my intention. I simply wanted to be a mature and understanding man. Keep her out of trouble. Away from the drinking, the drugs and the wrong crowds.

We all have to learn the hard way though, don't we? "That'll never happen to me" we said and look what happened, the advise we ignored was right. Hahaha.

[Learning_curve74]

I suppose I'm just disappointed that I, and many, many others all failed. We all gave it our best, but in the end, the BPD won.

It was as if the girl of my dreams manifested and came to me. I'll never forget all the good times and sadly, neither the bad times.

I want her to get the help she needs. She knows I care and love for her and I always will because of what she's been through at such a young age.

You sound like a very compassionate and caring young man. And of course you tried your best to help your ex because you loved her and cared for her deeply. You probably felt more connected to her than any other person.

Sorry to be blunt but you also have to understand that she really wasn't the "girl of your dreams" because if she was, you would both still be together. Your dream probably wasn't to have a gf that cheated on you, broke up with you, then tried to commit suicide in front of you.

You can't even really say that you lost and BPD "won". It was never your battle to begin with. It is her battle, and only she can choose a path of healing for herself. It was never your choice nor within your power.

It's hard, and I understand it's hard because I had a lot of the same experiences as you, the lies, the cheating, the threats of suicide, the good times, the bad times. And like you said, I would probably not have dumped my BPDex when I did if it weren't for the cheating. That's not to say there wouldn't be other problems, but that was the one thing I couldn't forgive.

Take care of yourself now. It's hard to deal with such an intense relationship and all the things that happened. Good luck to you Indalecio.  

[Indalecio]

I just got a phone call from my exBPDgf.

She's sick with mono (can't imagine how she got that, wink-wink) and told me she's been cutting herself.

I told her that it's better to cut herself than to try and kill herself like she did last Tuesday in my kitchen and that she'll get better eventually.

I also mentioned how I'm going out, meeting new people and have you guys (I didn't mention the forum name) for support and educating myself on the illness.

That I'm doing fine financially and all is looking up for me.

Is it wrong of me to want to rub it in her face that I don't need her? I know it's a childish thing to do, but it makes me feel good.

I did mention how I would like to meet up with her one day and that I care about and love her.

It's such a shame that all these people could have had promising lives. It's not in me to hate her for what's happened. What's done, is done and all in the past.

[Bioman]

I just got a phone call from my exBPDgf.

She's sick with mono (can't imagine how she got that, wink-wink) and told me she's been cutting herself.

I told her that it's better to cut herself than to try and kill herself like she did last Tuesday in my kitchen and that she'll get better eventually.

I also mentioned how I'm going out, meeting new people and have you guys (I didn't mention the forum name) for support and educating myself on the illness.

That I'm doing fine financially and all is looking up for me.

Is it wrong of me to want to rub it in her face that I don't need her? I know it's a childish thing to do, but it makes me feel good.

I did mention how I would like to meet up with her one day and that I care about and love her.

It's such a shame that all these people could have had promising lives. It's not in me to hate her for what's happened. What's done, is done and all in the past.

just advice

you have told her you are fine and going out meeting people

but on the other hand you have left a large door open by saying

I did mention how I would like to meet up with her one day and that I care about and love her.

this in her eyes can mean a lot of things will he take me back ?

so be careful how you use your words

or this will all come back in a circular motion again and give you more problems

you need to be the stronger one she needs help if she gets or goes for it then maybe meet up in the future but not until help is on hands for her

hope this makes some sense

Bioman   

 

[Indalecio]

You're right, Bioman.

I suppose I want to keep tabs on her so she knows she's never alone and that I forgive her for what's happened.

As for leaving a door open, I did that on purpose. If there's ever to be another us in the future, I want her to know I am out with others and if she wants me back in her life as a lover, that she needs to get the help.

Of course, this is all what's going on in my head, but I want her to work for it and not expect to just get her way every time.

I'll do my best to remain strong. I actually have a date tonight with someone who appears normal. Hahaha.

[Bioman]

You're right, Bioman.

I suppose I want to keep tabs on her so she knows she's never alone and that I forgive her for what's happened.

As for leaving a door open, I did that on purpose. If there's ever to be another us in the future, I want her to know I am out with others and if she wants me back in her life as a lover, that she needs to get the help.

Of course, this is all what's going on in my head, but I want her to work for it and not expect to just get her way every time.

I'll do my best to remain strong. I actually have a date tonight with someone who appears normal. Hahaha.

thank you for your nice reply

i was not sure how to word what i was going to say but you are on the button

good luck with tonight it's 20.24pm here in the UK

think positive don't jump in to anything to soon and if it is to be it will

Bioman

[Indalecio]

Well, it's been nearly a month now and I've been awful. Talked to my exBPD a few times on the phone, you all know how that goes (good, bad, good, TERRIBLE.) She would ask how I've been and such, then rub my face in how wonderful things are with her and the guy she cheated on me with/left me for.

She tells me she's in therapy and on meds again so she feels much better, which is great, sure. I was just hoping I would be the one to benefit from them, not the new guy. It's tearing me up inside so much.

I talk to her in the apartment even though she's not here. I carry on a rather normal conversation actually. This solitude isn't helping at all, is it? Hahaha.

With driving 12 hours a day for work and coming home to a empty apartment, I have so much time to dwell on things and while I should be focusing on my life, I can't help but pine for her every night in bed.

I miss her.

[Ironmanrises]

Indalecio... .

The new guy will experience with her... .

What you experienced... .

The idealization... .

And... .

The devaluation... .

And... .

The discard... .

Therapy takes years... .

It is not a cure.

She will not be better for the new guy... .

Unless you just count the idealization period... .

And that is where it will begin... .

And end... .

With him... .

Too.

It is a cycle of behavior.

With every person that gets close to them.

He probably has no idea... .

The hell on earth that awaits him.

Hang in there.

I know it hurts.