She's moving her stuff out... looks like the break up is happening

[desperatehubby]

Well

To keep it short... . after 7 years of marriage to my uBPDw, and after much going back and forth over the last month, she is starting to move her stuff out.

After 7 years of her rages, suicide attempts, isolating me from friends etc, I have finally had the courage to finish it.

It seems strange... . I'm up and down.

But I'm only 40 and we don't have kids... . I still have a chance for happiness without the stress, without everyone having to be careful, without me having to think so far ahead.

We were together for 11yrs in total, and she will always have been a big part of my life.

I'm being brave, the most brave I've ever been to take this chance... . and it's scary

[heartandwhole]

desperatehubby,

You are brave and separating after 11 years is scary.  It's very understandable to feel up and down.  I commend you for taking this big step for yourself, and yes, you definitely have a chance at happiness again.

We are all supporting you, in your ups and your downs. Let us know how you are getting on.  

[desperatehubby]

thank you heartandwhole

i meant to say that the going back and forth on separating was me, not her.

I think in the long term she will get better... . my own ill health last year was a wake up call to her

but over the marriage years I've just drifted from her

I will always care for her and even probably love her

all my other relationships have been shorter ones...

but i cant offer anything else and I need to live

[yakki]

I commend you and I appreciate your post. It is helping me. I have been on this merry go round less than you, but it has been a very painful experience. I'm starting to connect with that my low self-esteem really set me up to go back time and time again.

I've been keeping notes, a journal of sorts, of all the craziness over the last year and in reading it a little while ago, it is always the same stuff again and again and again and again. I am so grateful for finding this site, it has been a Godsend.

On Saturday we had another episode... . I got up, walked in the garage and closed the door right as she started teeing up on me. She started screaming my name and when I opened the door she raged for a couple minutes, got up ran through the house, collected a few things and took off. A few hours later after I didn't respond to some of her zingers, I received a text that says it was all my fault, and she wasn't coming home. Oh, I forgot to mention, it's always my fault, all the time, without question, oh, and I never do enough, give enough, or am enough, according to her. What a relief to escape from this abuse. I am going to miss the good half, but I am unwilling to torture myself any longer by staying in this. What a relief to have her leave. It saves me from having to kick her out.

I truly wish you all the best and every success in your journey as you move forward from here. Keep posting. Thank you for the hope.

[Indalecio]

11 years. You have the compassion I one day hope to have. While my BPD relationship only made it 8 months, it felt like years, so you... . Wow. You're something else!

Now imagine what a sane woman will think of you. You're going to have good minded women crawling all over you in no time! :D

[GreenMango]

I'm being brave, the most brave I've ever been to take this chance... . and it's scary

It is brave... . and scary.  One foot in front of the other.

[desperatehubby]

Yakki - Thank you for your reply, I wish you all the best. I too have a diary, which I started a year or so into the marriage - it goes rounds in endless cycles over 7 years of all the same stuff. Yes there has been some good times too, but my own ill health last year (I had a seizure) put everything into context for me. I will definitely keep posting.

Indalecio - Yes 11 yrs is a long time, and to be honest I'd made my mind up about this 5 years ago. But kept on staying. There were signs before the marriage which I ignored. I thought that marriage would change it. But 'women crawling all over me in no time' - wow that sounds good! 

Green Mango - yes one foot in front of the other at a time... i'll walk before I run... one day at a time.

Thanks all -I'll keep posting.

desperatehubby

[delgato]

I still have a chance for happiness without the stress, without everyone having to be careful, without me having to think so far ahead.

desperatehubby,


Congrats... . Based on your past posts, it sounds like you're making the right decision.

You tried to make it work over the years. You were patient & put up with a lot.


It might not be easy all the time, but in the longer run it will be worth it. Your own well-being comes first.

[desperatehubby]

Delgato

Thank you for your support

Yes I have been patient and put up with a lot... . I have a traditional opinion of marriage... in sickness and in health etc

But I guess there were so many final straws that once my health started to suffer it just became a point of not 'if and when i leave' but when.

I've tried my hardest but i'm done.

Desperatehubby