It's gotta be her...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, BPDex & I used to work together, before I wisely left that place (although she wasn't the main reason, it certainly didn't help!)


Anyway, I recently heard some interesting news, something that had happened maybe a month or 2 after I left... .


Her best friend there (they were *always* together -- until something happened which caused them to suddenly stop hanging out, surprise surprise, sound familiar?) was apparently dating her own boss. Tsk tsk.

I sort of suspected it when I was there, as a few of us did. But, it was in another department in another part of the building, it didn't affect me in any way, and plus I figured, hey, good for them, they seem happy.

Of course, the company did have a rule against that. Which is certainly understandable.

Why one of them didn't try to transfer to another department so they could officially date, I have no idea. I don't know the whole story, so maybe they did try.


But anyway, apparently somebody who knew about it eventually got p|ssed & ratted them out. The result? Both the former best friend & her boss (i.e., the couple) were fired on the spot.


Who would be spiteful enough to get them canned?

And why? Would it be jealousy of the happy couple, from somebody who knows they could never have that themselves? Somebody who felt "slighted" because of something, perhaps a good friend being "stolen away" by a new love interest?


I'll never know for certain, but I'd bet $100 it was BPDex who told on them.


And this is the type of people you're dealing with. They'll try to drag you down to their level of misery. And oftentimes succeed, at least for a while.

It's not worth it.

[delgato]

So, BPDex & I used to work together, before I wisely left that place (although she wasn't the main reason, it certainly didn't help!)


Anyway, I recently heard some interesting news, something that had happened maybe a month or 2 after I left... .


Her best friend there (they were *always* together -- until something happened which caused them to suddenly stop hanging out, surprise surprise, sound familiar?) was apparently dating her own boss. Tsk tsk.

I sort of suspected it when I was there, as a few of us did. But, it was in another department in another part of the building, it didn't affect me in any way, and plus I figured, hey, good for them, they seem happy.

Of course, the company did have a rule against that. Which is certainly understandable.

Why one of them didn't try to transfer to another department so they could officially date, I have no idea. I don't know the whole story, so maybe they did try.


But anyway, apparently somebody who knew about it eventually got p|ssed & ratted them out. The result? Both the former best friend & her boss (i.e., the couple) were fired on the spot.


Who would be spiteful enough to get them canned?

And why? Would it be jealousy of the happy couple, from somebody who knows they could never have that themselves? Somebody who felt "slighted" because of something, perhaps a good friend being "stolen away" by a new love interest?


I'll never know for certain, but I'd bet $100 it was BPDex who told on them.


And this is the type of people you're dealing with. They'll try to drag you down to their level of misery. And oftentimes succeed, at least for a while.

It's not worth it.

[heartandwhole]

And this is the type of people you're dealing with. They'll try to drag you down to their level of misery. And oftentimes succeed, at least for a while.

It's not worth it.

Hi delgato,

People with and without BPD get jealous and do strange and hurtful things, unfortunately.  I agree with you, it's best to stay clear of them. 

How are feeling these days?   

[delgato]

Hi delgato,

People with and without BPD get jealous and do strange and hurtful things, unfortunately.  I agree with you, it's best to stay clear of them. 

How are feeling these days?   

Sure, anybody is capable of lots of stuff, given a particular environment / situation... . But those with BPD seem to have a propensity to really mess with people's lives (at least temporarily) quite often & with greater intensity, more than your average bear. And it's not just the lives of romantic partners, but also those of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

Long after you're out of the picture, odds are they'll still be at it with others. I believe that sort of takes the "Why me?" out of the equation. And I think that's one of many important things to keep in mind.


Anyway, I'm doing pretty well, overall, thanks. Haven't been here in a while.

It's sort of interesting, because I quit cigarettes earlier this summer. Cold turkey, at that! At first, it was *really* tough. As anybody who has quit or has tried to already knows, you really do go pretty mental for a while, especially at the start. That withdrawal can be a real b|tch.

But, as time goes on, it does get easier & easier. Sure, you'll still get cravings every now & then, and even have a tough day here & there where you'd just love to light up a cig... . but those moments gradually become fewer & farther between.

I haven't had one smoke or even a puff -- for the simple fact that it's pretty easy to slide right back into it... . "Oh, I'll just buy one pack, and throw it out at the end of the night." Yeah, sure, LOL.

But, hey... sometimes quitters do slip up. It happens. Doesn't mean you're stuck being a smoker again for life, and doesn't mean you should beat yourself up over it. In those cases, you should just recognize what set you off, and to re-focus your energies on not going back again & moving on with your new life as a non-smoker.

It also helps to fill that void with other, more positive things in your life. For example, this summer I've reacquainted myself with swimming & basketball -- both of which I enjoy a lot, and hadn't done in quite some time! Great for exercise, fresh air, sunshine, getting out of the house & being social, doing something you don't normally do, etc.

Finally, it's amazing how much damage smoking can do to one's health. What's even more amazing, though, is the body's ability to heal & become much stronger / healthier the further you get away from smoking.


Although the extra money I've been saving is nice, and I've been sure to treat myself sometimes as a reward for quitting... . But the main reason was for my health. If I didn't quit now, then I would have simply continued harming myself more & more, with a greater & greater risk of seriously scr#wing up my life.

I didn't want to do that. I've gained too much respect for myself. I was tired of it, and I was DONE!


And yes, obviously one could say the same about getting rid of a pwBPD in their life... .

See what I did there?

[eyvindr]

Nice to meet you, delgato. Congrats on ditching the cigs! -- going on 4 years myself.

I haven't had one smoke or even a puff -- for the simple fact that it's pretty easy to slide right back into it... . "Oh, I'll just buy one pack, and throw it out at the end of the night." Yeah, sure, LOL.

But, hey... sometimes quitters do slip up. It happens. Doesn't mean you're stuck being a smoker again for life, and doesn't mean you should beat yourself up over it. In those cases, you should just recognize what set you off, and to re-focus your energies on not going back again & moving on with your new life as a non-smoker.

Yup. Exactly. The first FIVE times I quit, each time I failed was due to thinking I was in control. Even though I learned that I was addicted to nicotine the first time I tried to quit, until the LAST time, when I fully accepted that, as an addict, I couldn't have just one cigarette -- not even one puff -- without having to start quitting all over again.

It's just not something I want to go through again. It's too damned hard.

As they say -- if you're out driving, and you get a flat tire -- don't slash the other three!

[Suzn]

See what I did there?

Yep. What's going on delgato?

Congrats on quitting smoking. 

[toomanytears]

Yup I've gone back to smoking since my BPDh walked out two weeks ago. I never was a big smoker before but now have about three to five a day. It's a great quick fix but with such a cost. This post by delgato has made me realise the futility of it. I'll try and stop. And I see the analogy: my love for my BPDh is an unhealthy addiction. I have to quit.

[delgato]

The first FIVE times I quit, each time I failed was due to thinking I was in control. Even though I learned that I was addicted to nicotine the first time I tried to quit, until the LAST time, when I fully accepted that, as an addict, I couldn't have just one cigarette -- not even one puff -- without having to start quitting all over again.

It's just not something I want to go through again. It's too damned hard.

As they say -- if you're out driving, and you get a flat tire -- don't slash the other three!

5 recycles with Mistress Nicotine? Yikes! She can be quite the tempting seductress, eh?


Addiction is a powerful thing. Even knowing full well how bad cigs are, and how much better my life has been without them... . there is still that occasional moment when I'd love to go back to them. WHAT?


Admittedly, I still have some inner child stuff to work through re: addiction... .


In any event, congrats on your 4 years!

[Clearmind]

The boss had a choice - get into a r/s or not! He chose to bend the rules and not resist. Choices can be damaging but mostly they are damaging to the person that made the decision and really has little to do with anyone else.

Your ex also had a choice.

Neither she nor the boss are responsible for each others choices! Sad fact but true.

So the only person he messed with - was himself.

[delgato]

The boss had a choice - get into a r/s or not! He chose to bend the rules and not resist. Choices can be damaging but mostly they are damaging to the person that made the decision and really has little to do with anyone else.

Your ex also had a choice.

Neither she nor the boss are responsible for each others choices! Sad fact but true.

So the only person he messed with - was himself.

I'm not saying that what either of the couple did was right. Both the (former) best friend & her boss knew of the dating rules; and they both chose not to follow them.

However, a number of us knew about the relationship, or at least suspected it, including me. I chose not to rat them out, as it didn't affect me, and frankly was none of my business. In fact, if anything, I was sort of happy for them, as they seemed pretty happy with each other. I hope it works out for them in the long run. Perhaps their mutual firing created an even stronger bond between them?


I can't say with certainty that it was the pwBPD who told on them. However, she & the female were best buddies at work (which also extended outside of work) -- at least at one point, before they had a falling out sometime prior to this. And knowing the pwBPD, this would be something right up her alley.

For her, it would have had nothing to do with making sure everybody followed the rules. pwBPD had the motive & the opportunity. I believe she wanted to get back at her former best friend for a prior perceived slight. And knowing her "style," I believe she was also jealous of her former friend's newfound happiness, which she could never have herself due to her disorder. Finally, her friend had "abandoned" her -- and the boss had "stolen" her away -- at least in pwBPD's eyes.


I'm not saying what the female & her supervisor did was right; I think it was pretty stupid, if you ask me... . one of them should have transferred to another department 1st! Then again, they don't call it "fools in love" for nothing, LOL. But, pwBPD can be very vindictive, and as I mentioned, not just to romantic partners. They can & do tear into all sorts of people's lives and not bat an eye, thinking that they are always "in the right" -- and that it is their right.


Was it the choice of *both* halves of the couple to get involved? Yes.

However, it was also the choice of the pwBPD to tell on them (if my suspicions are correct). She could have kept quiet. But, her warped BPD/NPD/HPD brain would never allow that in a case like this, for the reasons stated above. Had her former friend not been involved with this, pwBPD most certainly would have waited for something else to get her "revenge" with.


Finally, I sort of knew both halves of the couple, but more so of the boss. He was a pretty cool guy, but who happened to make a lapse in judgement. It happens. I don't think he & his partner deserved their punishment -- especially the way I believe it went down.


But, to each his/her own... .