It sounds like you want her to reach out to you. Are you interested in getting back with her?
Honestly, I know that there is nothing at "the end of the rainbow" with her... . I've been through it too many times.
Perhaps I am nostalgic to an extent?
Her past patterns are to attempt to contact at certain times of the year so it's not the case where I am hoping for something, but rather being vigilant that it may be a possibility.
MCC