Why do Holiday's have to be so Hard?

[seh77]

Well Labor Day weekend is over. (YAY!)  I do have to admit most of the weekend went by smoothly.  Then my GF who is dBPD decided she just had to go talk to one of her friends.  After we had made plans to go the festival on Main Street.  I had been talking about that ALL day.  She was like is Cameron coming home (my son) I told her I wasn't a 100% sure just yet.  She was like Oh well I don't want him to be alone if he does.  Because in the begining WE were going to talk to her friend.  Then last minute I wasn't inclueded and she was going over for a short bit.  I told her ok thats fine just as long as we get to go to the festival as we had planned. 

Well She left and went to her friends (who is an alchoholic).  And I see her friend post a picture of my GF with a bottle of WINE stating GIRLS NIGHT OUT.  Needless to say I was extremely hurt. 

Five hours later she finally comes home.  Saying oh I'm sorry.  I had a terrible headache and she wanted to "make up" meaning sex.  I wasn't at all in the mood and told her maybe tomorrow because my head was killing me.  Well she got pissed at me and rolled over and stopped talking to me.  She then proceded to tell me that I was pushing her away by doing that?  I also have caught her in a lie... she said she ate left-over pizza.  I saw the charges on our joint acct for the local pizza shop and it must have been a decent bottle of wine for 32$ as well. 


So the next day she got up and cooked brerakfast and brought it to bed for me.  I picked it up and went to tell her that I love her and Thank YOU, but she ignored me and went outside.  So then we talked and she said she would never go out that she knew what was going to happen.  I have no problem with her going out.  But I do when I know she wasn't being 100% truthfull to me.  That I was under the assumption that we were going out.  She totally disregarded me and stayed out thinking it was ok just leave me sitting.  ANd her to drink 2 glasses of wine and drive.  She said that was the reason she stayed so she wouldn't be driving under the influence.  I told her that wasnt' very smart on a holiday weekend that she needs a DD no matter.  My nephew was killed due to a drunk driver and she know how I feel about that. 

I tried validating.  But I was so hurt.  I rarely ask or want to do anything.  It's always what she wants to do.  How is the best way to handle a situation like this? :'(

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[Mono No Aware]

Holidays are hard because we spend holidays with loved ones and family, and pwBPD have massive trust and intimacy issues plus trainloads of family baggage.

IMO, you got off easy. Search the term Holiday in this forum, much rage and r/s breaking occurs around holidays.

[seh77]

I did get off fairley easy. But it did come with the normal I don't think you want to be with me speach.  I did my best not to react knowing that was the BPD talking. I still caught myself apologizing even though I knew I wasn't in the wrong.

It just gets hard to deal with sometimes.  Every Holiday/birthday is almost the same.  Something will set her off then it's the same "speach" everytime. 

[Mono No Aware]

I know that speech, and I know that struggle to maintain the don't-react-badly-it's-the-BPD-talking-again-stay-calm face.

They were both part of my Labor Day weekend too.

It's amazing how we get so hyper-tuned to their patterns that we dread things that are fun for ppl with well-adjusted partners.

I am already considering moving to under an undisclosed bridge downtown before the major family holidays Thanksgiving & Christmas this year.

I re-read your post and saw where you had refused make-up sex due to headache (and maybe a wee touch of bitterness? Been there, done that). To tell you the truth, it has been demonstrated, and I can attest to this, that sex can actually relieve headaches. The real gamble is the question of: will it emotionally soothe the close-to-dysregulating pwBPD, or trigger them into rage because intimacy?

Maybe it would've made the next morning go easier, or worse.

[seh77]

Mono No Aware,

I am really not sure how the next morning would have been.  I try so hard to NOT react like you said.  But sometimes it's so hard to do. 

I may be at the next bridge over from yours for the next major holidays... . LOL

I know it's one day at a time and to establish my boundries.  I stopped working out because she didn't like me being gone from the house.  (I'm not a gym rat but like to stay in shape)  So I gained weight.  I went to the DR and was told I am a little over weight now.  So I told her and she finally admitted YES it would be great to get back into shape.  So I am hoping I can keep her on this schedule. 

Since I have met her 4 years ago... . we would go hiking, fishing all types of activities.  That has come to a screeching halt and we do absolutely nothing unless it's something she wants to do.  And that's not often at all.

ahhhhh I've went on long enough for today.  Thank you for your support.  It's nice to chat with ppl that have been thru the same experiences.

[Siamese Rescue]

Holidays and their birthdays are nightmares. At least that was my experience. You aren't alone. The worst times of the year are those aforementioned times and they're loaded with craziness, illogical behavior, lies, cat and mouse games. It's AWFUL.