birthday guilt trip

[nomom4me]

This past weekend I had a birthday, I realized about two years ago that my mother is likely disordered (BPD, NPD or maybe both) and she has responded to my boundaries with pushing, rages and florid badmouthing.  This year she actually called on my birthday (for the past two years she has pushed a "no email" boundary and acted like she is incapable of contacting me without putting her thoughts into writing).  It's a step in the right direction that she actually remembered my birthday and called, but the voicemail she left went off into a long guilt trip about how she has "no idea" what to tell family who ask about me.  She has a long history of answering simple querys with strange one liners or projected wedding plans when I am not even engaged.

I don't know if I should respond to her message at all, and if I do I don't know if I should address the question of what she should tell people.  I've told her before that she does not manage my contact with relatives and that she should not be making announcements or plans on my behalf.  This time she was asking what she should tell my toddler nephew when he asks about me, obviously she should direct this question to his parents but my gut instinct is that his mother (my enmeshed sister) was present for the call and that this was just another attempt to guilt-trip me into their FOGgy web.

Do I address the question?  I'm planning a family of my own and I want none of this nonsense anywhere near my own children.  I've been almost no contact for the past two years because she has made holidays into a complete mess, she has relatives contact me on her behalf and they turn into a convoluted game of telephone where my words are twisted to the point that I don't want to be in her home.