He's at me again..

[Depression = 72% of members]

For the last week I have not been answering his text and he has felt compelled to text me and built me up saying how much he loves me, how I am the ONLY one for him and how he needed to get well but then right after he tears me down saying Am I playing the victim? Look at myself and ask why no one ever put a ring on my finger!

Last night he was going on and on about how much he loves me and do I love him. I am SO confused, raw, shaken and tormented that he is doing this to me! He was going to actually come tonight without my consent. I kept saying no I don't want to see you.

After I stopped responding, he continued. Long 1 page texts messages. Guilt me to the max.

Why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel like I don't deserve happiness?  I don't want to go back with him. I have no desire to and quite frankly I can't handle the emotional abuse anymore with my heart. I honestly won't survive it.

I am finding so much peace without him near me, or in my life. Doesn't that speak volumes?

He also put MY girls into the equation... . saying THEY THINK I AM SO SUPER PERFECT. He is from hell.

He is from hell, he is a monster with what he did to US! He doesn't even see the damage!  :'( :'( :'(

[KHC_33]

For the last week I have not been answering his text and he has felt compelled to text me and built me up saying how much he loves me, how I am the ONLY one for him and how he needed to get well but then right after he tears me down saying Am I playing the victim? Look at myself and ask why no one ever put a ring on my finger!

Last night he was going on and on about how much he loves me and do I love him. I am SO confused, raw, shaken and tormented that he is doing this to me! He was going to actually come tonight without my consent. I kept saying no I don't want to see you.

After I stopped responding, he continued. Long 1 page texts messages. Guilt me to the max.

Why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel like I don't deserve happiness?  I don't want to go back with him. I have no desire to and quite frankly I can't handle the emotional abuse anymore with my heart. I honestly won't survive it.

I am finding so much peace without him near me, or in my life. Doesn't that speak volumes?

He also put MY girls into the equation... . saying THEY THINK I AM SO SUPER PERFECT. He is from hell.

He is from hell, he is a monster with what he did to US! He doesn't even see the damage!  :'( :'( :'(

[Newton]

KHC_33 ... . his accusations are projections of his own feelings of inadequacy... . do NOT take them on board ... .

Is there a way you can stop receiving his messages?... .

Reading his abusive txts is obviously upsetting you... .

[Validation78]

Hi KHC!

I'm sorry to hear the pain in your words. If you have decided that the relationship is over, there are a few things that you can do in order to begin your healing. One is a commitment to NO CONTACT. It isn't for everyone, and it may not even have to be forever. However, if contact is triggering you, you must do what is necessary to protect yourself from what feels abusive to you. NC means no calls, no texts, no emails, in or out. If you have unfinished business, wrap it up and stay away.

Newton is absolutely correct about his projections, and I speak from experience when I tell you that I know how hard it is to hear these things even when you know they aren't true. You have to be honest with yourself, and discern the truth from the projections. Believe in who you are, and take yourself out of harms way. Even though you can't control him, you can control your exposure to his abusive and toxic influence! Hang in there, I assure you that the further away you get from it, the easier it will be.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[eeyore]

stay strong.  It's like taking bad medicine.  You have to do it... . but it's awful.  And you will feel so much better for being true to yourself. 

[Learning_curve74]

KHC, just wanted to add my voice to the others here, but first a hug for you. 

Sounds like he is a master at keeping you in the FOG: Fear Obligation Guilt. You deserve better than being manipulated. He is probably counting on you being so confused that you can't think straight.

You ARE deserving of more, every human being deserves to be whole and to be happy, and it is never too late for that. Since it sounds like you've decided that he cannot be a part of that, please consider going No Contact, NC, like Val78 suggests. NC gives you the time and space to start your healing.

You were strong enough to get this far, you are strong enough for what lies ahead. Hang in there.