Hi metalone,
dealing with unBPDw can be so hard. most days i can handle the issues and use the tools, Validation and SET, to try and defuse her... . but then there is those days or times i forget where i left the tool kit and the crap hits the fan... . would not be so hard and bad if it was just me that was getting dragged through the mess, but i have 3 kids that are also getting exposed to the mess.
You can't handle serious upsets on her side with SET and validation. In your list of tools boundaries are missing... .
i have read numerous books on BPD and have read tons of post on this forum, Thank God for this forum, but i still struggle with the fact that a highly educated human being that can function outside of our personal life and home with minimal problems yet is a wreck at home and wrecking my kids lives... . i know i will never understand BPD and i dont know that anyone ever can. we are both in therapy individually even though i have serious concerns that we dont have the correct therapist for her, the therapist has really helped me to see that i cant fix her, i can only take care of me and do the right things to insure i dont set her off. my biggest concern is that she is not being honest with the therapist, and the rest of the world outside of our home, and without honesty she will not get the help that she needs through the therapy. i know she has to be to a point that she wants change in order to grasp the change, i wish i knew what it would take to get her to want the change.
Boundaries again may help here. While being enmeshed she has less visibility of her issues and there is less need for her to change.
i have read in a lot of posts that a therapist should have certain creditintials to be able to recognize and diagnois BPD, can anyone shed any light on things i should ask or check on to make sure that the therapist we are dealing with has the training to deal with this. questions i should ask the therapist, red flags i should be watching for from my w or the therapist through this process. any advise is welcome and appreciated.
In general a T will first establish a relationship. A challenge for her as pwBPD is to confront her pain and so naturally she will not be fully honest and of course you will be painted black. But then an experienced T will also be able to handle such situations. Maybe a question you could discuss with your T?
