anyone here also a child of BPD parent?

[LoneSailing]

I was just wondering if anyone else has the experience of having a parent with BPD and how that has affected your ability to move on from a relationship with someone with BPD. I feel like it's personally compounding the situation and making it feel worse than it should. It's hard to tease out if I'm upset about something that happened in my relationship with my ex, or if it was more of like a trigger from something with my mother. Complicated.

[Bonus mom]

I feel for you and your situation!

I would say that you are definitely correct, that it is very easy to carry over feelings and reactions and triggers from having a mom with BPD to any current relationship. (Mine is with a BPD stepdaughter)

I feel that I am lucky, because I was able to come away from my BPD mother with a greater sense of myself.  It took a while for me to find myself, but I was able to look at her and see what was happening and remove myself from it, and then create my own self.  Because I was able to do that for myself, I realize now that I am much better able to cope with triggers when they do happen. 

I certainly don't have a degree in psychology, but if I could offer you anything it would be first and foremost make sure you know who you are and that you can differentiate between something that is just an automatic reaction to an old trigger, or something that is a real issue to be handled.  It is so incredibly liberating to not be under the finger of the BPD! 

I wish you well!

[imstronghere2]

Yes, unfortunately.  I could write volumes.  I have written some about this in a couple of other posts.  I'm 2 years out from my divorce.  Was married for 19 years and with her for 22.  My exwBPD was the "waif/hermit" and my mother was the "queen/witch" type.  I have dated some since my divorce and one particular woman for about 3 1/2 months but broke it off with her because it wasn't fair to her that I couldn't give her a committed, full time relationship.  I feel emotionally cauterized.  I can honestly say that I don't know if I will ever be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with anyone and I'm coming to grips with that.  I'm 52 and spent 40 of those years with severely mentally ill women.  Never again.  It's SO much better to be alone than to live being subjected to any of what they dish out.

If there's anything you want to know, just ask.

imstronghere2

[bruceli]

Have realized that I have spent a life time around BPD's/NPD's... .the gift that keeps on giving... .It has become my normal unfortunately... .

[24/7/30]

.  I feel emotionally cauterized.  I can honestly say that I don't know if I will ever be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with anyone and I'm coming to grips with that.  I'm 52 and spent 40 of those years with severely mentally ill women.  Never again.  It's SO much better to be alone than to live being subjected to any of what they dish out.

This is exactly how I feel. Thanks for putting it so clearly.  I also had a BPD mother and a long term relationship with a BPD person.  I have out for three years and some days feel like I haven't accomplished anything. There are good days and many that I act as if... .thanks for putting how I feel into words for me.