Keeping myself from reaching out...

[coffees86]

As written earlier in my previous tread, my exBPDgf is giving my (or t least I feel like this) the silent treatment. After good conversations, calling everyday - sometimes twice a day for hours. Sending loads of messages she all off the sudden blocked me.

Once I noticed this I once more called her to tell that she could always call me and I was willing to talk to her. I want to be her friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I thought I could handle the silence well. I notice, things are going easier. I don't have to worry what happened today in her life.

Though I still miss her. I just want to talk to her every now and then.

Right now I'm wondering whether or not to send her a normal text (since this is not blocked) Should or shouldn't I? There is a reason why I'm blocked and she isn't answering her phone, but I don't want her to have the feeling that I do not want to talk to her... .Shoot - annoying!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

That's a judgement call. My personal approach:

*IF* I'm feeling at peace and happy to see her, I send out brief occasional "touches" to let her know I'm there. If in the same house, maybe every couple hours, or whenever you naturally cross paths. If living separately, perhaps once a day.

If she's still upset (dysregulated), I want to add as little fuel as possible. If she's wound down and just forgotten, I'd like to welcome her back. When you are out of contact, there's no way of knowing when that transition happens.

OTOH, if I'm still angry/hurt/upset/whatever, I'll just keep my distance until she reaches out to me.

If she ignores/rejects your attempts to contact her, take the cue and give her more time!

[coffees86]

Indeed. We don't live near eachother, so won't bump into eachother as well. I haven't contacted her yet - since I'm in doubt. In doubt nothing good comes out of it

I'm affraid to reach out on the other hand, cause I can make her even more angry, which I don't want, but this isn't functional either.

How much time should I give her, I'm wondering whether it's not just fully done this time... .

[yeeter]

$.02

Dont over think it.  If you are calm and sincere then send a harmless text.  Her response (or even lack thereof) will tell you where you stand.

It may very well be fully done this time, so keep that possibility in mind.  She may not want to remain 'just friends' for a variety of reasons.  At the same time, you may be yearning for more closure since it sounds like there is doubt in your mind on where you stand.  Its natural to want this, but it might not happen from her and you may have to create your own sense of closure.

But if its going to cause you pain to stay loosely connected just as friends, I wonder if you arent better served to simply grieve, adjust, and move on with your life without her in it?

[coffees86]

So I guess this is another recycle. One week after last post she started texting and calling for giving apologies for being such a jerk. I acceptes the appologies and soon after we started chatting like nothing happened. Intimate calls, every day. We even started dating again. Slowly cause I was using my senses and aware. Though this week we were supposed to meet up. She texted that she would be late and if I could make it to a different city. I was able to so I told her I'd come over there. Being there she would not pick up the phone or respond so I just drove home (ouch). Later that night she started drunk texting that she missed me, that she hated me since I wasn't there (wth).

I told her I was annoyed and to have a nice evening. This morning she send me a text asking half an our of my time to apologize. Since I was at work and still annoyed I did not reply untill 5 hours later. She had again texted that apologies might be wrong and apologized? Dysregulation. So I tried to text her back, telling her she could call me at 6. But guess what, I'm blocked! Whaaaaagh getting nuts by this!

So I texted her I'd like to speak to her, I'm not mad anymore. After that I called her once, but she did not pick up.

So:

1. I dislike it that she is flaky and not showing up at our date.

2. I dislike being blocked.

What is best to do? Wait her out? Let her know I'm still there since she might be ashamed of her own reactions? Or just let her be?

I hate it! I really do!