Feeling down... Especially About my Family

[Mike76]

My wife still as not not shared her BPD diagnoses with me.   I found out only because there was a piece of paper sitting out.  The only thing my wife has shared she has affective instalbilty, that she does not fit all parts of her diagnose so she is only share parts of it.   That was 2-3 months ago.   She recently said she would share more, but even that was over a week ago.   

Main reason for my post today is I miss my family.   For the past 3 years she has spoken to her brother 2-3 times each her  (1-2  2-3 minute calls), and we see him at her parents for thanksgiving.  She also only speaks to her parents a few times a year.    One lives 1 hour away and one lives less than 2.

Although it hurts me she does not care, (well maybe care for is not correct), but can handle a relationship with her family because BPD.   It her family so not as many sleepness nights. 

My family and have became very distant and it breaks me in so many ways.  We each have so much hurt, but it because such balancing act for me.   Appease my wife, make me happy, make my family happy.   My wife would be happy if we moved hours away and only so them once every several years.   I would just like to see them once a month, and be able to call when I feel like it.  Once, twice a week.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[shamrock]

Sounds that your BPDw has not radicaly accepted the disorder, but is ashamed of it & what she has maybe done. If her family members are not arround she does not have to face how she has treated them (in her mind)

Is she in treatment? Are you?

[Mike76]

I think maybe in part not accept it, I do think there is more that I do not just understand.

She has been working with a T for a year(weekly, the same one the made the diagnoses), is it really treatment, NO maybe the start of it.

We are also in MC and I am working with a T.   I have almost beg our MC to call my T, fill in my T on what I can do better, what I can improve on, etc.  I also asked the MC to meet with me privately with wife's knowledge or again contact me T.   The MC always says there is no reason to me with me or contact my T.

Finally 2 weeks ago I said "I can not put my life on hold without more knowledge for another 6 months"

Hopefully they will be able to connect before my next T session, or our next MC.

My wifes T and the MC have spoke several times.