Sex a little Odd

[Depression = 72% of members]

You always hear how great sex is with a pwBPD. I found sex with my exBPDgf to be a little off. She talked a good game but when we actually did it she seemed tense and had a far away look in her eyes. She is a very pretty 47 year old woman but there is something there that I found off putting. Something just didn't seem right and I could never tell exactly what it was. Mind u she gave me the old she has never been as intimate or has lived anyone like me line. Also got I'm the best lover she's ever had line too

[nyfit1]

You always hear how great sex is with a pwBPD. I found sex with my exBPDgf to be a little off. She talked a good game but when we actually did it she seemed tense and had a far away look in her eyes. She is a very pretty 47 year old woman but there is something there that I found off putting. Something just didn't seem right and I could never tell exactly what it was. Mind u she gave me the old she has never been as intimate or has lived anyone like me line. Also got I'm the best lover she's ever had line too

[heartandwhole]

Hi nyfit1

I know what you mean about the boards having lots of posts about the mega-fantastic sex, and yet, it doesn't surprise me that you noticed something off with your exgf.  Imagine trying to connect intimately with someone when you don't have a sense of self, for example, that could be a challenge.  Also, sometimes, a pwBPD has experienced sexual abuse in the past, which could explain the tension and it's possible to dissociate, too, as an unconscious protective mechanism. 

Does any of that make sense in your situation?

I'm sure some members who have experienced the great sex noticed something "off" at one point or another, too. 

[Reg]

I think we all did.  I did put it almost instantly into the right direction, shame, past trauma of sexual abuse.  I just didn't see the rest of the problem at the time 

[Lucky Jim]

Have to concur with Reg and heartandwhole: trauma over past sexual abuse is often a factor for those w/BPD, or certainly was in the case of my Ex.  So tension in this area is to be expected.  Lucky Jim