Do they want to see you in pain?

[Tessaking]

I wonder if its true that they want to see you in pain - they want you to feel pain like the do? And if you're not seemingly in pain anymore, do they try to suck you back in to see the pain again?

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[confusedhubby]

Hi Tess.

You are correct in the sense that people with BPD have very low self esteem. After they abandon you they still have attachment issues with the ex partner because they want to know that the ex still desires them. This dynamic of them abandoning the ex and still wanting the ex to yearn after them automatically causes the Non to have emotional pain.

Remember that at it's core BPD is about lack of self, meaning that the pwBPD does not have an inner soul / identity. They attain there identity from there relationship. So after they leave you they paint you all black and evil and wanting to see the ex hurt is very normal for them.