Im holding on.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Today has been a tough one and its coming up on the weekend which is always tough. After two days of contact with my exBPDgf last week and then she left for vaction had heard from her. BUt last night I had to attend a company event for work. Her company and mine are do business togtehr so they over lap alot. Last night she was there and to her credit she stayed away from me but i did make it hard. It seemed like everytime I turned around she was in my line of site and as soon Ias she saw my look she turned her back to me. That was ok, little painfull but it was survivable. Of course today I was walking out the door and we almost ran into each other. which were she was at she really didnt have any business or has she ever had a need to be there and the timing was perfect. If I had went to lunch it would have been timed just as I would have been pulling up and she knows that. I spoke and she spoke and that was it. I guess its better then being angry at each other. But It almost like she is once againg making sure I have to see her, that has alway been her M.O. That is what she did last week that led up to the days of her coming to my house for sex and telling me how much she tsill loved me and then her turning back cold. She had been standing in my work parking lot and when I left I ignored and jsut left. The next week I got contact. Sometimes I feel stuck between paranoid and wishful thinking. BUt like I said Im holding on, Im low and sad but I doing my best stay NC.

adn Im still struggling with what do I want. Shes made it obvious that she dont want a relationship but If im willing to b used for sex and favors and when she has nobody else. She will grace me with her presence time to time. Which is not what I want at all. maybe I answered my on questions.

[mitchell16]

Today has been a tough one and its coming up on the weekend which is always tough. After two days of contact with my exBPDgf last week and then she left for vaction had heard from her. BUt last night I had to attend a company event for work. Her company and mine are do business togtehr so they over lap alot. Last night she was there and to her credit she stayed away from me but i did make it hard. It seemed like everytime I turned around she was in my line of site and as soon Ias she saw my look she turned her back to me. That was ok, little painfull but it was survivable. Of course today I was walking out the door and we almost ran into each other. which were she was at she really didnt have any business or has she ever had a need to be there and the timing was perfect. If I had went to lunch it would have been timed just as I would have been pulling up and she knows that. I spoke and she spoke and that was it. I guess its better then being angry at each other. But It almost like she is once againg making sure I have to see her, that has alway been her M.O. That is what she did last week that led up to the days of her coming to my house for sex and telling me how much she tsill loved me and then her turning back cold. She had been standing in my work parking lot and when I left I ignored and jsut left. The next week I got contact. Sometimes I feel stuck between paranoid and wishful thinking. BUt like I said Im holding on, Im low and sad but I doing my best stay NC.

adn Im still struggling with what do I want. Shes made it obvious that she dont want a relationship but If im willing to b used for sex and favors and when she has nobody else. She will grace me with her presence time to time. Which is not what I want at all. maybe I answered my on questions.

[babyducks]

Hey Mitchell

My Ex has made a real campaign of showing up in public venues where she knows I will be.  I still get that visceral swirl of physical sensations when I see her.  Stomach churns,  pulse quickens, head turns itself in side out trying to figure out what to do or how to feel.

I do not want to be a participant in her disordered thinking.  Its no good for either one of us and especially dangerous for her.

When I first came to this site some one, (and I forgot to make a note of who,) said "the last gift I can give her is no contact, if she can't find safety, consistency and some form of happiness she could end up broken or worse."

Oh Yeah.   I get that.   This is excruciatingly painful for us.  But for our EX's with the way they process emotions and thoughts its a little like sending a child out to play with a car.   

The last time my EX and I broke up, she disassociated so badly she appeared frankly psychotic.  Some of those images are seared into my retina's.  I hope some day I forget. 

That was my experience, yours might be completely different.   Please keep in mind that, however you choose to express it, you have to be the emotionally healthy and mature one.

babyducks

[myself]

adn Im still struggling with what do I want. Shes made it obvious that she dont want a relationship but If im willing to b used for sex and favors and when she has nobody else. She will grace me with her presence time to time. Which is not what I want at all. maybe I answered my on questions.

If you're not sure what you want, go with what you don't want. By that I mean stay away from the situation that leaves you feeling worse. Sometimes when we're unsure of what to do next, it's best to not do anything. By that I mean not going backwards, jumping through old hoops, landing in the same old mess again. Patience and calm help heal.

It's often said: Make a list of the things you do want in life, in a relationship. Do you get them when you're with her? Can you find them elsewhere? A list may help you clarify what it is that you are looking for, and can help you find it by returning your focus to who you really are inside, and who you will become. When you step back from the person who's too caught up in someone elses problems/ games (as you're doing with NC), you will leave behind the uncertain you and grow into a healthy better you.