are you still in love with your ex? round 2

[numbr3]

I think that I still love him or perhaps the longing is I am just jealous that he is with another woman. In my brain that makes me a loser. I know that I could not stand to be with him 5 minutes because of his lies and threats.  I fluctuate between feeling sorry for him and extreme anger.  My goal is to get to neutral.

[Jbt857]

[quote author=QuestioningFaith link=topic=209610.msg12321562#msg12321562 date=1380743252

Then I became "demanding, controlling, etc. etc. etc."

I'm the least controlling person I know.  I can't count the number of conversations we had where I said, "I want you to do whatever you want to do.  I accept it."

Is it controlling to want to know where your gf is after she cheats on you?  Is it paranoid to not believe her when she lies constantly? Is it controlling and demanding to ask questions and continue to ask them, until you get "truth" which is probably still only 1/2 true?

I don't know.  I don't care.  I was never dating the person I thought I was dating.  I was dating an image she showed me because she really did NEED me.

Can that be classified as love? Sure, but I'm not her dad.  She's got to get over that before I can ever even think of talking to her.[/quote]
I got the 'controlling' thing thrown at me too. Same - I wasn't jealous or possessive until he had been caught by me cheating online and was regularly taking off his wedding ring, telling me he was going to cheat on me and staying out all night.

Strange that you may want a little reassurance from them when they behave like that, and even stranger that they simply choose not to give it and in fact, positively fan the flames.

Yet I couldn't go out without him dropping me off and collecting me. Heaven forbid if I had a few drinks.

It amazes me how skewed it all was and how at the time I couldn't see that.

Good luck - you sound like you're doing good.

[Accepting]

I reckon I'm going to be ok, because I think positively about these things.  I hope you guys will be ok too, but think you need to get off the negative lines of thought before you will allow yourselves to be ok.  Hope that makes sense.

I feel this is key to moving on. Personally I still love my guy but I crave the sense of normality relationships previous to him had. I'd like to feel a sense of consistent love and affection in return, to be able to build a future together and know that my partner would always be there for me. I too have worried about not finding love of such intensity or chemistry beyond that I found and experienced in this relationship. I think that letting go of this thought and grounding myself by being positive and appreciating all the good in life will hopefully lead to even better experiences to come.

Imagine loving and being loved without the flip side that we experience in this kind of BPD or similar rs? This thought excites me and helps me to look into the future with wonder.