Honeymoon Phase - When did it end for you?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So, I'm looking back and wondering when it all started to unravel.  I looked at timeanddate.com and actually punched in the days of when we met, the day I noticed something was "off" about her, or first legitimate fight, the wedding day and the month sex stopped completely.

Date we became official - 12/29/07

Date I knew something was off - 7/3/08

Date of our first legitimate fight - 4/15/09

Wedding Day - 5/2/09

Sex life dead and constant fighting - 8/1/09

So essentially, the honeymoon phase lasted 18 months and it all went downhill from there.  If I wouldn't have married her, it would have been over a lot sooner, probably at the 16 month mark is when I started getting pissed at her.  Marriage just kept her check long enough to keep it running, the guilt of divorce is what kept us together until I pulled the plug on it.

So, how long did honeymoon phase last for you? 

With her new man, I figure the relationship will end next August if he DOESN'T marry her.   Hope he's not a sucker like me!

[expos]

So, I'm looking back and wondering when it all started to unravel.  I looked at timeanddate.com and actually punched in the days of when we met, the day I noticed something was "off" about her, or first legitimate fight, the wedding day and the month sex stopped completely.

Date we became official - 12/29/07

Date I knew something was off - 7/3/08

Date of our first legitimate fight - 4/15/09

Wedding Day - 5/2/09

Sex life dead and constant fighting - 8/1/09

So essentially, the honeymoon phase lasted 18 months and it all went downhill from there.  If I wouldn't have married her, it would have been over a lot sooner, probably at the 16 month mark is when I started getting pissed at her.  Marriage just kept her check long enough to keep it running, the guilt of divorce is what kept us together until I pulled the plug on it.

So, how long did honeymoon phase last for you? 

With her new man, I figure the relationship will end next August if he DOESN'T marry her.   Hope he's not a sucker like me!

[Eric1]

2-3 months. No joke.

She told me she loved very quickly on.

[saw_tooth]

2 months.

We came very close at the end of month 2 which triggered his first 'acting out' episode.Was a mix of high's and lows thereafter,the lows outnumbering the highs as time passed.

[wrigley52]

I think 12 months or15 the whole thing after that time is like a fog!

[FogLight]

3 months, right after she moved in.  I started pulling away, which sorta brought things back to the honeymoon as long as I kept her chasing.  But 3 months is definitely when the switch flipped, and it seems consistent with the next guy.

[Ironmanrises]

Expos,

I am sorry you went through that.

I know how that feels.

In round 1 of relationship with my exUBPDgf... .

Honeymoon phase ended after I spent a few days in her city(long distance relationship)... .

That was 3 months into the relationship.

We were very intimate those few days.

It was beautiful for me.

I am getting teary eyed just remembering that.

That closeness triggered the devaluation that followed 2 weeks later.

In round 2 of relationship... .

She came back to me 3 months later after abruptly leaving me... .

Honeymoon phase ended after her sons(whom I didn't meet in round 1) I finally got to meet... .

they started to bond with me... .

Plus... .her mother sparked the final trigger by telling her that I look gay from a pic she saw of me on facebook(I never interacted with her at all mind you)... .

My exUBPDgf actually said this line to me on that god awful day... .

"My mother triggered me... ."

That was 2 months into round 2... .

That was when she began to vacate on all levels.

That was when devaluation started.

I should send a thank you letter to her mother for triggering her daughter.

(I'm being sarcastic of course)... .

I hate her mother for that.

I did nothing to her except treat her daughter with kindness and love.


We had been very intimate(even more so then in round 1) up until that horrific day.

I can never forget the look on her face when she told me that her mother triggered her.

I already knew what was coming after that.

[jollygreen]

Wow mine lasted about 18 months too. It ended when me moved in together. I remember she even asked if the honey moon phase was over. I told her we're now in a comfortable relationship. She was depressed about that for a week or two. Then the typical BPD phases began and a year and a half later vamoose muchacho. My friends and family thought it was so wierd we were in a honeymoon phase like that.

[confusedhubby]

Hi Expos.

Sorry to hear of your hardships and thank you for sharing.

My honeymoon phases also lasted about 18 months or so.

[frustrated b/f]

Pretty much as soon as we moved in together!

Unfortunately, we dated on/off while she was still married and living in her marital home (four years). Once the marriage ended and we finally got a chance to be together under one roof, it all started. Sugar instantly turned into Sh!t. After six months, I moved out. Afterwards, I suffered from depression trying to cope with why I was so alone in a relationship and why I couldn't achieve any sort of tangible relationship success.

At one point, I even felt like God was punishing me for being with a married woman, it was like my own personal hell.

[expos]

It has almost been scientifically proven... .

"Scientists have identified certain chemicals, such as dopamine, released by the brain that have about an 18 month effect when people fall in love. It is good advice never to become engaged before dating for two years."


www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=217302

[numbr3]

I don't think we ever had a honeymoon phase!

We had a huge fight on our honeymoon on the street corner in public.  Very humiliating to me. One of many to come.  Lets see- add street corners of Paris, Munich, Stockholm, airports, restaurants, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

[Emelie Emelie]

Ours was only about a month.  I was getting the full court press and then he all but disappeared for a couple of weeks.  We had a very minor disagreement the night before.  I realized later it was his fear or abandonment kicking in. 

[purpleavocado]

Ours was about 18 months, largely because it was long distance to that point.

First time I realized something was off... .Less than 2 months in when she flipped because i wrote 'thank you' to an ex when she wished me a happy birthday via facebook.

First major fight about 3 months in because I confided in a friend and"had no right to talk about her issues" (my focus of course was on what was going on in the relationship)

Should have seen it then.

[LetItBe]

4 1/2 months

[charred]

First go round... .at 8 months... we stayed dating another 10 months... then I was dumped without explanation. 27 yrs later we got back together, this time the great stuff ended 4 months out, stayed dating/recycling another 3 1/2 yrs... and it just got worse and worse. Longest argument was 7 hrs... and that was her in my face yelling and throwing a fit most of the time. Been seeing a T for PTSD from it all. All told about 1/4 of r/s was honeymoon, tiny bit normal and 2/3 of it new level of hell Dante missed.

[AliveButBeatup]

I don't think we ever had a honeymoon phase!

We had a huge fight on our honeymoon on the street corner in public.  Very humiliating to me. One of many to come.  Lets see- add street corners of Paris, Munich, Stockholm, airports, restaurants, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

Great stuff!  Made me laugh. Sorry. Why did I laugh?  For me it was day 2 on the honeymoon.  She wanted a divorce.  Why?  She complained I liked sex in the morning. She likes it in the evening.  By the time we got home, I was asked to leave. Stupid me. I should have as I am still working on the relationship with Miss Nutty Pants.  Filed for divorce --- but you know how it goes.  Eventually I will have pounded my head against the wall one too many times.

[numbr3]

ABB-glad you have a sense of humor-you're gonna need it. I love that you call her Miss Nutty Pants.

[EnigmaSoul]

Wow seeing a pattern here... .mine was 18 months as well... .any idea where this 18 month thing is coming from?

[ScotisGone74]

I have to join in with the 18 month crowd here.   Of course during that 18 month period when she told me she was divorced, she was freaking still married for several months unbeknown to me, until she knew she had me reeled in, then she divorced her ex husband.  She did the same thing with me, she got married to the next guy within two months of me sitting  in bewilderment wondering what the hell just happened.    She spends soo much energy plotting and trying to get attention from men and her family, wears me out to think of it. They just run out of energy pretending to try to live up to their lies, they can't keep it up.  During the 18 months the majority of it was idealization, there was some push/pull about the 6 month mark, but it didn't last long.   The six months after the 18 were like trying to love Satan himself.

[love4meNOTu]

I'm shocked at the similarities.

I met my now x-husband on 7/26/2011.

First sign of dis-regulation two weeks before we married, 1/4/2012.

By March 2012 it was going downhill fast, and I made a promise to myself to give the relationship one year.

By March 2013, it was like living with a monster. He moved out on 5/2/2013, and we divorced 9/9/2013. So from start to finish, 2 years, 1 month, 14 days.

[toxic love]

The 18 month duration seems about right.  I have been with my wife for about 18 years and things have gotten really bad the last couple of years.  When I reflect on the beginning of our relationship I felt like I was her everything and I was in love.  I didn't realize that she had BPD until recently when things started getting really difficult.  Things started to change after about 16 to 18 months but her symptoms were always masked or explained away due to something in her life. She wrote it off as depression when her nephew was dying from bone cancer.  She said it was anxiety when she was having health issues with which later required a hysterectomy.  She said it was hormones that caused her rage and volitile attitude.  Seems like there has always been an excuse and I have bought into it for years and have tried helping her as much as possible.  But no matter how much I helped it was never enough for her. 

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

For me, the honeymoon phase was almost exactly six months (with three episodes of sudden total no-contact after a manufactured argument, which I naively "understood" were because he was so tired with work pressure... .I understood because I was the only one who knew the real him, of course. Only I truly knew him... .).

Then another 9 months of push-pull-push-pull 'dance'.

During the last 3 months, he announced he'd lied about a weekend away and had been with another woman he'd only just told me he barely knew and thought was 'dumb'. I naively tried to work on accepting the new situation, that we had split, still loved each other but that we were now two single friends - this is all long-distance too.

Every time I talked about the new situation as having split, he worked hard to convince me I had misunderstood, I'd misinterpreted, etc. As I also suffered two beareavements in this 3 months, and was in emotional shock from those, he stepped in to be my main emotional support. He "can't be in a relationship with anyone just now" because he didn't "have the emotional energy" - but there was only, there had only ever been me (back 20 years to college-fling and during the 19 years we were out of contact after that), he loves me, he never stopped loving me, even when he was away that weekend he only thought about me, he loves me, he loves me... .and because he loves me, he's worried because I'm not coping, I'm not managing, I'm clearly not making progress with dealing with the trauma of this summer - my friends don't understand enough to help, I have the wrong kind of therapist*, my parents obviously don't care about me... .only HE can help me, only E understands, only HE can help... .because he loves me, he loves me... .

Eventually I contacted the other woman and got a reply, very snooty, using several of his phrasings, word-for-word, but also making it clear they are in a relationship.

I emailed telling him where to get off and that all contact is now severed permanently, he spent the next six hours trying to contact me to order me never to contact him again (he's split me black, obviously). Next day he'd changed his FB status to "in a relationship" which he never did with me, nor anyone else; he has nothing personal on his FB, no age, no nothing, til this last Monday night, suddenly "in a relationship.

But thanks to this board and my therapist, I understand that she isn't his new girlfriend, she's his new victim.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

Oh yeah - when I say she's his new victim - already he's defriended and then re-friended her once on FB... .and he ordered the wording in her reply to me. He's already manipulating and controlling her. He'll be deluging her with love-bombing, and already the starvation-period has started. Good luck to her.

I've blocked everyone now in that group - I can't see a thing, he can't see me, and that's the best way to be.

If his new victim is lucky, she'll emerge mangled and broken. If she's unlucky, she'll emerge dead. He damn nearly killed me and I will NEVER let anyone else control my mind. That is MY mind, under MY control.

[CVA]

Seriously   3 weeks after we got married...   Hitting, emotional abuse, rages, push pull, and then she left after only 3 weeks, I was confused, angry for allwowig her to continue to hit me and rage sometime 3 times a day. I knew her for short while before we married. I am Christian. she was involved in the church and claimed to be a virgin. So we really never got tp close intimatly until our wedding night... I was trying to do it right and honor her, because I always slept with the girls i dated,, it just natually happend that way... but not with theXBPDW>. so it was truly the first huge signs of all the BPD stuff 2 days after we married...