How to press an advantage?

[Rewards2]

WIN! Yeah!

For those of you remember me and for those of you who don't. Six kids, Still married. Closing in on divorce.

Wife had me arrested last January on false domestic violence charges and have been out of the house since.

Not to rehash all that old stuff, but the big news is that last Thursday in family court the children's law guardian suggested that the kids should move out of the mother's house to live with me. The judge did not agree to it but it was a major turnaround.

In addition, the mother is about to be evicted from the apt. The landlord told me the apt is destroyed and he wants her out. That takes at the most 11 months.

So the tide has turned. Until last Thursday I was on the defensive.

What I need are suggestions now.

I have a 2 bd apt coming up on Oct. 1st. A 3bd is as much as 800-1000 more and is not affordable at this moment.

Does anyone have a strategy on how to press this advantage so that on Oct 3 , which is the next court date, I can get custody.

This is brief and there are many other issues of course, but the idea is that the the people involved are beginning to see that she is not able to properly care for the kids.

How can I take advantage of that?

[Surnia]

Hi reward

I am so glad that there is a turn. I remember you very well and I asked myself, what happened to reward and the 6 kids! Now I know.

Keep going!

I am not good in law matters - you have to wait for a answer from others.

[momtara]

Why didn't the judge agree with her?  How frustrating.  Well, if she is being kicked out of her home, where will she go?  Maybe the kids themselves will want to go with you.

[Waddams]

Why didn't the judge agree with her?

In part answer to this, I'm going to refer to this:

Six kids,

and

I have a 2 bd apt coming up on Oct. 1st. A 3bd is as much as 800-1000 more and is not affordable at this moment.

And I understand it's complicated by the fact BPDmom is about to be evicted, but she has not yet been served with eviction paperwork yet, so it could be seen as not yet a real threat by the judge.

But the fact is in addition to the guardian's recommendation, you also have to demonstrate the capability to take in six kids.  That's rough with a 3 bedroom apartment, and might not be seen by a judge as feasible.  And even more so with a 2 bedroom apartment.  Also, what schools are they in?  Will the switch necessitate a change?  What are they're ages?  Is day care involved? 

I think one thing you need to take advantage of this is that you've got to come up with a plan that you can demonstrate you can execute which will show that you can take them in and make sure they are taken care of.  Show adequate housing, where they will go to school, how they will get there (bus services, car pool, etc.) who will take care of them after school (daycare arrangements, or home baby sitting, etc.).  Show weekend arrangements.  If you work weekends, what's your plan for who the kids are with?

I'd also google BPDmom and look for dirt.  Her name + the word "mugshot" is a great place to start.  Google the name of your county/jurisdiction + "online court records".  You'll find a lot of jurisdictions now have court records online.  You can look up civil and criminal cases against them, for free in a lot of cases, that show wage garnishments, small claims, evictions, etc. in the jurisdictions where they have lived.  My SO found out her exASPDh had a recent DUI conviction doing a search like that.  Once you find the online records, you can go to the court clerk and get certified copies of the case files to take to court. 

Just remember you can't just talk about how bad the BPDmom is.  You have to show the judge (especially for dad's) that you are the better choice for the kids.  You've got to show you will provide for the kids better and it is in their best interest to be placed with you.  Focus on the kids, how you plan to take care of them, how that will be better than how they are cared for by their mother, and how it will address the issues that led to the guardian's recommendation.  Show visitation arrangements with the other parent.  Show how the kid's needs and rights are being properly addressed.  Show some kind of effort at counseling for the kids as well.  If nothing else, Divorce Care for Kids is run for free out a lot of churches.  Do some googling to see if you can find some options, dates, times, and a plan to get them there.

And again, focus on how you will care for the kids.  You've already got the guardian's recommendation, you don't need to focus on beating up BPDmom now.  Let the guardian's recommendation do that. 

[Waddams]

One other thing that just hit me since I know adequate housing could be an issue for you.

Most jurisdictions have zoning regulations that govern the number of people that can live at a particular residence.  For example, in mine, each person has to have either 75 square feet of space in their own bedroom, or 50 square feet per person for shared bedrooms.  If you can look up those requirements in your jurisdiction, then show that your apartment accommodates everyone, then you're showing you've got adequate space as defined by your jurisdiction's zoning regs.  It adds credibility to your position that you have adequate housing to take them in.

Or if you don't have it, show where you are going to get it, and when to as exact details as you can.

[momtara]

My lawyer told me that if I moved with my 2 kids to a 1-bedroom, child services could see that as a bad thing.  She suggested I put that into my divorce agreement, that it's ok to do that.  Not sure if these things are true; she was a relatively new lawyer.

[ForeverDad]

Besides the children's current schools, etc, accept that your finances will dictate your search parameters or require more searching.  If you live in an area where rents are high, courts will often make some allowances, they won't require you to do more than you can reasonably manage.  In my pre-divorce days we had little money back then in the 90s, we settled for an older $450 apt when we would have preferred a newer $650-$700 one in a better area.

As I recall, having gender-separated bedrooms for the older children is another factor to consider.

[Deb]

Just wanted to add that as long as older opposite sex siblings are in different rooms, you could be ok. My husband's cousin lived in an 800 square foot house with 4 teenagers. The 3 boys had one of the tiny bedrooms, and she and her daughter had the other. It was cramped, but it worked out ok.

[Surnia]

just wondering how things are going in your life, reward