iamconfused
 Offline
Posts: 18
|
 |
« on: September 17, 2013, 08:35:17 PM » |
|
I have been with uPBDbf for 7 years now, funny it seems like 20 years…
We have had issues. NO, let me rephrase that, there have been upsetting issues with our relationship for the whole time.
We started living together much faster than I would have imagined. He convinced me that we were at an age that time is running out and we should move in together and see how it goes. We got along well. We seemed matched. I was a bit adventurist at the time and said why not.
My fault. My complete agreement and responsibility. But…
It took a few months before he got drunk and broke a stained glass lamp that I had made. Sorta just 'fell' into the table it was on, so it landed on the floor and broke. I was pretty upset and crying over the loss. This is when I was first called names. The name calling hurt me more than the broken lamp. I was devastated .
How can someone that says they love you call you such vile names? I have never had a person use such names directed towards me. All because I was upset over a broken item that I spent 8 months making?
I never got an apology of any kind.
The drinking and name calling continued. It got so that I told myself that he was in 'a$$ hole mode' and just leave him alone. I spent several nights, several times at a hotel for one, two, sometimes 3 nights in a row. When I came home, he would always act like nothing happened. No talking about things. No working out anything. Except that he would tell me to think about my wrong doings and I should get my act together. And apologize!
Over the next few years many of my things have been destroyed. Either broken (on accident), burned with a cigarette, or mangled in some weird way. He would tell me that he never did any of it on purpose. I now know that he did.
By this time I was more like a caretaker (mother). I handled his finances, his business, the house. I took care of it all. I did this - on my own free will. I nested in a farm house out in the country and started a business with him. I Baked, cooked, canned, sewed, cleaned - all the things that I love to do. You know, like a housewife. I was making a home.
There was tension between us. He started to refuse to have sex with me because I wanted it. I tried to talk about it, but he would not. He started doing white drugs because he knows I am against it. He would not talk to me for days leaving me at shrugging my shoulders.
One day I was at a bookstore and found the book 'walking on eggshells'. It was completely out of place, but the minute I read the back I knew I found an answer - and found this board. I've read everything I could on this. This is him. This is also his problem that I seemed to agree to in some weird way.
There are tons of stories I can share about living with this PBD person, all that I seemed to accept out of love or something. Circular arguments, PROJECTING (this is a huge one). How many times did I say no, that’s not true, that’s not the way I feel, that's not me…
So I go on a two week vacation to visit my parents without him. I invited him, but he didn't have the finances to cover the trip and at this point I would not give him the money to cover his expenses. What does he do? He goes on a binder with drugs and alcohol and hits another car head on. In my state this is an aggravated DUI that means 1 to 3 years in prison. Guess what I learned…This is not his first DUI, not his second, not his third, not his fourth, not his fifth.
He will be going to prison. I must start a new life without him. The best thing that ever happened to me. I am happy about his. I am ready to move forward without this anchor holding me down. I cry and rejoice at the same time.
|
