Hello,
As many kind people on here have told me before - don't beat yourself up, you're only human.
You are already doing great by working through this BPD! It can be hard on us and so we have to forgive ourselves for lashing out sometimes. I remember once (in the early stages) screaming at my bf "You've ruined my life!"
I practised some validation myself last night. A work thing came up which was starting a downward spiral with my bf. I used validation to get to the feelings behind his upset. He didnt get a contract he had been promised and was angry saying he wanted to give up on everything and people were all liars. He started to try to bring our r/s into it too. I said to him:
"I think many people would feel the same way as you. Do you feel dissapointed in the client over this? It must be frustrating when you have worked so hard"
That started him talking instead of raging. Then I gave him some more general validation over his success in his business as a back up. So what could have been a rage was dissipated. I was a bit rusty which shows how we have to keep practising. On here people often say to practise it in everyday life when meeting anyone to keep our hand in.
How long ago did you make the statement that he keeps referring to? I am hoping that someone else will jump on this thread with some ideas too. In some instances I have had to accept that my bf will keep going back to something "bad" I have said over again. When dysregulated he seems to start up from where he left off last time even if we have talked things through. Its as though the dysregulated side of him has no access to the information he has received when he is regulated.
Applying logic to a person who is disregulated doesnt seem to get through - its always about their feelings. Another good bit of advice is to go in with curiousity over what the feelings are behind his statement. Like a scientist
