Need Some Support...Recycle #32 down the tubes :(

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have been MIA because he reeled me back in... .we have spent an amazing couple of weeks together, then I could sense he was withdrawing from me, I knew it was coming. We ended up spending his birthday together-I gave him a whole stack of gifts that took me a day to shop for, made him homemade goodies, etc... we had an amazing evening. Talked about getting married, honeymoons, he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, perfect, etc... .  The next day I was to come stay with him and he completely withdrew (as I expected, he set it up the whole week, I could tell), he picked a fight over nothing, then told me he didn't want to see me for the weekend because "he didn't want to".  I didn't hear from him for 2 days, then last night he texted me he was getting a new tattoo, etc... and  because my instincts are sharp, I logged into the dating website he has been on and there he was, active and online WHILE texting me. He apologized for treating me poorly this past weekend, then made small talk (all via text).  I know the writing is on the wall here... he will never change, its like Groundhog Day. He has still kept me on as a FB friend which is unusual. I don't know what to do now-seeing that dating profile was like a knife to my soul.  I am just sick... Help me please  I have to get away from this.

[sadinnc98]

I have been MIA because he reeled me back in... .we have spent an amazing couple of weeks together, then I could sense he was withdrawing from me, I knew it was coming. We ended up spending his birthday together-I gave him a whole stack of gifts that took me a day to shop for, made him homemade goodies, etc... we had an amazing evening. Talked about getting married, honeymoons, he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, perfect, etc... .  The next day I was to come stay with him and he completely withdrew (as I expected, he set it up the whole week, I could tell), he picked a fight over nothing, then told me he didn't want to see me for the weekend because "he didn't want to".  I didn't hear from him for 2 days, then last night he texted me he was getting a new tattoo, etc... and  because my instincts are sharp, I logged into the dating website he has been on and there he was, active and online WHILE texting me. He apologized for treating me poorly this past weekend, then made small talk (all via text).  I know the writing is on the wall here... he will never change, its like Groundhog Day. He has still kept me on as a FB friend which is unusual. I don't know what to do now-seeing that dating profile was like a knife to my soul.  I am just sick... Help me please  I have to get away from this.

[Reg]

Hi sadinnc98,

Very sorry to hear what happened.  You are right on one point, they will never change.  But you can change... .

The question I'm asking myself and which you have to ask yourself as well, is what you really want to do. 

Nobody is going to point fingers that you went back into your relationship because you are on this board.

You have two choices right now, or try to improve things and give it a chance, or step away from it all.  I'm not going to tell you or advice you what to do, that is your decision after all, a very personal thing.

Whatever the decision, you have our support !

Take care !

Reg

[happylogist]

Hi sadinnnc98,

I was in a similar situation and he  hasn't removed me from his friends, also tried to be nice to me before going no contact, sort of creating an image of a good but suffering hero, while making future plans with a mutual friend... .  I saw their picture and it hurt a lot too, but... .

our intuition knows better, we just rationalize and try to look for a magic sign. Just listen to yourself more than to any "external" signs and love yourself more! Take a time-out and think about yourself, without contacting him at least for a while.

Pain is natural and unfortunately is unavoidable, but it teaches us something

[Jbt857]

Hi sadinnnc98,

I was in a similar situation and he  hasn't removed me from his friends, also tried to be nice to me before going no contact, sort of creating an image of a good but suffering hero, while making future plans with a mutual friend... .  I saw their picture and it hurt a lot too, but... .

our intuition knows better, we just rationalize and try to look for a magic sign. Just listen to yourself more than to any "external" signs and love yourself more! Take a time-out and think about yourself, without contacting him at least for a while.

Pain is natural and unfortunately is unavoidable, but it teaches us something

How true - lovely philosophy.

[simplyasiam]

hello sad.

sorry to here your in such pain. i hope you can find away to get past it.

i too was in a r/s that was really just a endless recycle, like you i could always see it coming and always tried to do more to make her happy again to stop the leaving.

the recycle is not just about the r/s but seems that many ppl with BPD are stuck in thier own life cycle, its a matter of how long we want to be apart of it.

our r/s cycles went every three months she would leave... .EVER THREE MONTHS FOR SIX YEARS! she left this time and i started coming here and trying to heal its been the hardest six months of my life but its getting better im feeling better and you will also.

refuse him read all you can about healing refuse contact till your mind clears out

good luck to you

[fromheeltoheal]

Your post reminded me of me sad, and it made me sad.  I notice you're counting the recycles and have amassed a bunch of them, and said he 'reeled you back in', which is granting him a whole lot of power and making you sound powerless.  You know this. 

The part that got me was you did a whole bunch of nice things for him, as I did for mine, and I did it partly because that's who I am, and partly hoping that it would be enough, that she would see the light, that love conquers all, all hopes to be dashed once again.  It felt like an addiction, somehow knowing you weren't going to get your needs met and it would end badly again, but going down that path partly blindly again anyway, grasping at signs of hope, staying in denial.

And then when he shifted, being bewildered as to why, what to do differently to make it all better, having no idea what is really going on in that head of theirs, and they sure aren't communicating it openly.

The only winner is the disorder, you know this, the only right thing to do is sever ties, move forward without him, deal with your heart protesting the whole way, not knowing when it will stop, trying to focus on the future and a life without him, which looks dark and foreboding right now, but still you know it's right.  Been there, not good, and I feel for you bigtime.

You asked for support, not advice.  We're here, and the only advice I will offer is focus on you and nothing but you, what's right for you regardless of how it feels.  Stay strong, actually be stronger than you've ever been, so you can do what you need to do.