The Peacemaker child

[sanemom]

My ex has three kids with his BPDex--the caretaker/Chosen one, the Peacemaker, and the one who kind of gets it (but still manipulates the situation).

His BPDex plays victim with the kids, and they often feel sorry for her.  The latter two have been in counseling, and the counselor has made a couple of observations about the Peacemaker--the Peacemaker avoids talking about his mom at all costs, even with the counselor (and they have been seeing her almost a year), and that his mom "imposes her feelings onto him" so he needs encouragement to feel his own feelings. 

The counselor will hear distressing things that BPD mom has done on a recent visit from the one who kind of gets it, and the Peacemaker will not mention it at all.  Recently, I received an email, supposedly from the Peacemaker when he was with his mom.  The length of the email and the vocabulary was definitely not the Peacemaker's, but even when asked about it jokingly later, he would not say his mom gave him some of the vocabulary.  He acted as if he wrote the whole thing.  I didn't push... .just joked about how we can't get him to write that much for his real homework.

I guess I am starting to worry about him... .wondering what is going on in his mind... .wondering if it is just so stressful that he shuts things down all the time.  He always has a smile on his face.  He is so easygoing, but there has got to be some pain involved or something with the great lengths he goes to avoid the topic of his mom.

The other one will sometimes bring their mom up in casual conversation, but I have NEVER heard the Peacemaker bring her up about anything.

[DreamGirl]

Peacemakers usually have pretty good coping mechanisms (better then you think).

He's just learned to deal with it better then someone (like me) who gets all worked up and worried.

My oldest is really laid back... .

He sticks up for himself when he needs to. It sure does take a lot though.

He's really happy with who he is. Really.

Me too.