Really struggling today. I have no desire to contact her - the only twinges I get are anger when I think of her running a personal ad looking for a new love. That stings... .I've "responded" to it in my head over and over - who is she kidding? I will hold my personal opinion on it to myself... .I guess my love for her isn't so unconditional after all.
I feel rejected, easily thrown away... .unimportant... .not good enough for her... .She knew I was hurt, yet she made it my fault because I dared to express my feelings to her... .and let me walk away without so much as a kind word... .simply put - she didn't care that I left.
Without this board I would actually feel worse. I would wonder what I could have done different, I would question why I wasn't enough for her... .even though I feel a lot of those things - I can at least read here... almost like an AA meeting - that I am in fact very sane and very much coming out of a FOG... .
Just very heart broken today... .
In bold.
She doesnt appear to care that you left now.
She will reverse her feelings on that in x amount of time.
When that occurs... .
Do not engage.
Because she will flip those very feelings around again.
And again.
I know it hurts.
Hang in there.
Ironman - you are more than right! The sad part is - she seriously has not made ANY true changes... .3 months into counseling and I know she "tried" but its the same pattern.
I do something she deems as "wrong"
We split
A few days later she runs and ad
And within a week or two she shows up in my email
Could be angry, could be pleading
Then if I cave its a honeymoon that lasts 3-4 days
Then we go for another round
I am writing a list of the good and bad... .and boy is it telling. She has NOT changed. She is still looking to salve her wounds in another. She even lied to be back when we met. Since I am in an open marriage - she lead me to believe she was too... .Until we were "in love" and then she told me he did not know... .Now at that point the right thing would have been to stop seeing her - but I didn't. I allowed this - I put myself here. I gave away my power, my control - to another person.
Since I am the only one in my life that should have control over me, this is a huge wake up call for me to never do that again.Just need to keep reminding myself WHY I walked away... .and stay away.
In bold.
The fact that you came to that conclusion is a huge step.
You were in a relationship with a disordered person.
They devastate those people who are closest to them.
When she attempts to come back into your life... .
And once they do this once... .
They will try again and again... .
Protect yourself by not engaging.
Otherwise you will be hurt even worse.
I went through 2 rounds of this.
2 rounds too many.
Never again.
When my ex attempts to come back again... .
I will not engage her.
My future self is depending on my current self to do that.
Keep posting on here.
You are not alone.
