Hello

[tightropewalker]

Hello everyone, After a difficult time at high school and then a roller coaster 3 years my 18 year old Daughter has been diagnosed with BPD. I have been looking for somewhere to share stories and gain insight and mainly some  hope as I feel sometimes  that I am at breaking point too.  My Daughter also has an eating disorder and abuses drugs although isnt an addict, we have been through accident and emergency 4 times in the last 9 months, very scary!  she is hopefully starting a course of DBT soon but my fear is she wont see it through as she is very low functioning.

Thats all for now, I am finding my way round the site and feel better already knowing that there are people out there who understand.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, tightropewalker & 

I'm so glad you found us! As you've no doubt found by now, there are many parents on this site who are going through the same trials and tribulations that you are with your child, and there are many stories like your own. My own adult son (36) was recently diagnosed as Low Functioning BPD, and has been treated with DBT himself. I did find that until he was ready to get treatment and change his life, he ping-ponged haphazardly from crisis to crisis.

One good thing to know is that, though we cannot force our child to change themselves, once we gain a good understanding of how our BPD child's brain works and we work on changing the way we deal with them, things do start to get better. When we change the way we communicate with our loved one, they tend to change the way they react to us, leading to their possibly coming to point where they will realize they need help and come to the point where they may even cooperate with that help.

If you keep reading everything you can on this site (What can a parent do? and Suggested Reading for members who are supporting a son or daughter with BPD are a great place to start!), posting more of your story and asking your questions, things really can improve for you and your family   

[vivekananda]

Hi tightropewalker   I would like to welcome you too!

It is both devastating and a relief to find out about BPD I think. For me, it was more a case of thank goodness I am finally understand. My dd (dear daughter) is 32. The good thing about knowing is that we can learn so much which means we can understand better what is going on and can improve how we behave towards our dd.

I am so glad you found us, you are in the right place. Rapt Reader has given you some good links to explore. I would like to also encourage you to check out the site, There are so many excellent resources here to help us.

You didn't mention a husband, is your dd's father living with you? And another concern would be if you have some face to face support for yourself, do you?


Vivek    

[Being Mindful]

Hi tightropewalker,

Just stopping by to say hi. I too have a daughter with BPD. This is a great site, full of people to walk the journey with. Keep posting and reading. I look forward to getting to know you.

Being Mindful

[peaceplease]

tightropewalker,

That is great that she will be able to start DBT.  I believe that person has to be motivated for any type of treatment to work.  With that being said, I can tell you that she may pick up some tools.  I know that when I worked in drug rehab, we had some court ordered, and were not motivated.  However, they were given the tools and learned something.  We had some people do a total turn around.  Sometimes it is when they hit about rock bottom and nothing is working.  Then, they may become motivated to find a way to recover from the darkness.

I agree that it is great you found this board.  There is much support here and many with similar stories.  It is true that our loved ones may not be ready to fully participate in treatment.  We want them to get help, but we can only lead them to the water.  What we can do is change our reactions and improve our communication problems.  There are some great resources here, as rapt reader and Vivek anda pointed out.

Sorry, you are here due to circumstances.  Also, glad that you found this great supportive site.

[jellibeans]

Dear tightropewalker

I just wanted to welcome you to the board. I found this board I think about a year ago and it truly has helped me in so many ways. To read stories so similar to mine and find a strange comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. It has been a very long journey but I feel that started here and when we found a dx and we knew what we were dealing with. I think that was what changed everything. I hope your dd gets some help with dbt  my dd got a new dbt therapist at the beginning of this year and I do think she is the first therapist she trusts and talks with freely. Before that she went through the motions and got worse. I just wanted to welcome you and encourage you to post and be hopeful. I have been at my lowest with my dd16 and keeping positive has helped me.