Had an odd development tonight and was curious what someone else's read might be on it.
The short of it is that my uBPDw, after being caught in an emotional affair, has painted me almost entirely black and has spent the last month or two dredging up every past thing I've said or done as an excuse for why she is so unhappy. It very much feels like she is working herself up to justifying a divorce, but at the same time is almost paranoid in her worry that I'm preparing to divorce her.
I've made some efforts at self improvement which have all been taken as either false, patronizing, or sneaky ways to improve my position in some future divorce proceeding. The situation has escalated twice when I did something with our two boys. Once when she asked for a separation after I insisted on walking them to the bus stop more often and again when she asked me to move out after I volunteered to chaperone one of the boys field trips.
This is a change, in that while the boys have always had a bit of a preference for me, I've generally let her take the lead in parenting. Something I'm not willing to do now that divorce is on the table.
Anyway, I told her I was going to talk to a lawyer before I left the house as that seems like big step to take with no guidance. I was up front about the fact that I was shopping around for a lawyer and that no changes would happen till I had representation.
The following morning she started moving my stuff out of the master bedroom (I've been sleeping in the office for a while) and I told her that it didn't seem like she loved me anymore and that if that was the case I'd prefer we just find a mediator and get this over with as quickly and amicably as possible. She got angry for bringing up such a touchy subject before she went to work, conveniently ignoring the fact that she had started moving my stuff out of the bedroom in the first place.
So this evening comes along and she is distraught that one of her girlfriends canceled on her for dinner and calls me to let me know. I was sympathetic and we had an ok conversation. A few hours later i get a text that says that she loves me and hopes we can fix it, but that she doesn't trust me and that me seeing a lawyer is breaking her heart.
I responded that I was sorry if seeing the lawyer hurt her, that it was perfectly understandable that it would, but that I didn't have much of a choice after she invited me to leave the house. What followed was an odd conversation where she alternately told me she wanted to work on it but didn't trust me, going so far as to say that I was texting her nice things to document them. Though she of course texted me first and I'm not really clear on how saying nice things helps in a divorce?
Honestly just confused now. Would have been easier if she'd said she didn't love me... .
