why is it so hard to admit life is better

[simplyasiam]

im more relaxed these days then i ve been in years. ive lost 70lbs, my blood pressure is down from 160/90 to 120/80. ive not needed xanax in weeks. i feel like going home at the end of the day. im not worried about anyones mood but mine. all the eggshells are out of my home.

i know many if not all of these things were coused or made worse by the BPD r/s and yet i still day dearm of having the r/s back.

ive never been a risk taker always staied clear of danger.

i quess i just need more time away from the r/s to admit the r/s was bad

[Surnia]

Hi simplyasiam

Perhaps you need just more time to feel good in your new self! Are there moments you are proud of yourself, watching yourself in the mirror?

I mean, the changes you did are huge! 70lbs and living without xanax... .this is really great. I think, its like your body is more here and now and your emotional side is still a bit in the past, does this makes sense?

[simplyasiam]

yes think your right, i still my my family very much at times. its like she haunts me where i am.

it still hurts doing alot of things i use to do with them but all i can do is suck it up and get past it.

i was able to ride my atv for a couple hours today that a big one for me, as her kids and i spent many days riding and playing on the atv.

one step at a time

[myself]

It's hard to let go of who we used to be. Our own bad patterns keep us stuck. We thought we were going to go one way but then went another, and it's an adjusment process. It takes time to heal, to release the toxins and make enough sense of them to move on. Our dreams can seem better to us than our realities, until we're woken up.

[eeyore]

there are many components to happiness.  So you are whittling away at the components that have made you unhappy.   Sounds like you might be near being ready to be in a new relationship. 

[simplyasiam]

i really not ready for a new r/s im very still very empty inside not even sure what its like to have feelings i just force myself to do things i know i use to like