Delusions and hallucinations - standard?

[momtara]

My hubby remembers things differently than they happen.  I know that some pwBPD seem to do this to save face or because they can't come to terms with what happened, but there are hallucinations or false memories he's had that don't serve him well in any way. 

For instance, he thinks I have left the stove on by accident, a  number of times.  This has never happened, but his brother in law's wife has done it.  He has been diagnosed with OCD so I think that his fears become his memories.   Something happens once and he thinks it is happening all the time.  Or he is afraid something will happen, and then thinks it happened.

I am starting to worry because he has visitation with our children and I am concerned that he may react to something that hasn't happened.  So far he hasn't had any violent reactions to things he imagines, but I just wonder.

Is it normal to imagine things with BPD, especially when stressed?

[pp]

I do wonder about that quite a bit as well

Are they just lying or do they really have such intense Hallucinations,


My ex BPDw denies the extramarital affair she had so convincingly I some times wonder if she really thinks it never happened or if she is just such a good liar.

Also she accuses me ( almost always in front of the children) so forcefully of having an affair and an out of wedlock child while we where married with  a woman I don't even know . She has a name for her, and address etc. apparently that woman really exists but I have not even seen her in my life. When you hear her say does things it seems certain she believes it but then at the divorce papers  she did not mentioned her at all.

Is she just so completely crazy or is she just so bad that she chose this random woman to make it more believable to the children? But did not mention it on the divorce (so far) because she knows it is not true



I also worry that this seemingly so vivid hallucinations (if that is what they really are) will some day make her do something violent?

[thisyoungdad]

I was having this problem a ton with my ex, and still do. Our couples therapist finally called her on it one day in therapy and for her it was that she was so dissasociated that she really couldn't remember things, or had fragmented memories.

Now she also became paranoid and delusional as well which scared even the therapist. I was extremely concerned for my daughters safety as were others. Whether it is standard or not I don't know but it happened with us the entire time we were together.

[momtara]

So how do you deal with the fact that they are in her care sometimes? Does she have unsupervised visitation?  Did you try to tell the court that she imagined things?

[thisyoungdad]

We share custody, 50/50 and we never had a court date because we did the collaborative process. My attorney and the family advocate knows. The problem was that it was there the whole time but it only got to the extreme scary point in the past year. And that has even tapered off a bit again. So really it was only THAT insane for about 9 months... .like on a 1-10 scale it was a 10 for about 9 months then back to oh maybe a 5 on average I guess. I still get worried sometimes.

[thinkingthinking]

I always remind myself that my exBPDh remembers how events FELT, not the actual events.  So if something made him fearful or angry, his memory of it is totally distorted. This seems to be exaggerated when he's recalling things in an agitated state. I've learned how to respond to things in a factual way that isn't threatening (although I'm less worried about his response as I grow).  "No, that's not what happened, but I do recall... .", Or "I don't think that's the way it happened" *end of conversation* are the ways I deal with it now.

He may go on saying I'm "cold" or whatever, but it doesn't do any good to argue. Their reality is different than ours.

[Free One]

I always remind myself that my exBPDh remembers how events FELT, not the actual events.  So if something made him fearful or angry, his memory of it is totally distorted. This seems to be exaggerated when he's recalling things in an agitated state. I've learned how to respond to things in a factual way that isn't threatening (although I'm less worried about his response as I grow).  "No, that's not what happened, but I do recall... .", Or "I don't think that's the way it happened" *end of conversation* are the ways I deal with it now.

He may go on saying I'm "cold" or whatever, but it doesn't do any good to argue. Their reality is different than ours.

This is a good explanation, and a good reminder. It's hard for us to understand a disordered reality.

[momtara]

I agree.

When my husband gets triggered, he thinks things he fears will happen, have actually happened.

[thisyoungdad]

Wow I had never considered that they remember how it felt not how it was. I mean I know all that stuff about how their feelings create their reality, etc. but I never really got it until you said that.

I have been so perplexed by her version of so many things but now that you say that it was like a light bulb went on for me. And for the first time I feel like I kinda get it. I was even perplexed when we were together, so were some very close friends. Weird how such a small thing simply phrased differently can make a light bulb go on for me.

[InRepair_2013]

I am new here and just starting to learn about BPD. I am currently separated from my husband and we will be filing for divorce soon. While we have struggled with many of the issues have I read about so far, his delusions are what have actually led us to this point.

Two years ago he began accusing me of having an affair. He was under extreme stress and was not sleeping much at all when the delusions began. Over the course of 2 months they progressed to the point I was truly terrified of what he would do next. I moved out temporarily following the last delusional incident.

We had gone out with another couple to have dinner and drinks. It's a very very long story so I will not include all the details of the evening, but we ended up going dancing and had a great time.

The next morning he told me he knew what I had done the night before and he was moving out. ? I was in shock. I had no idea what he was talking about. He eventually started to tell me the most insane recap of his beliefs of the evening. He told me I snuck the bartender home from the restaraunt and had sex with him in our bed. I was never out of his sight for more than 10 minutes all night. He told me that he didn't realize what I had done until the next morning when he just didn't "feel" right about the night before. He began telling anyone who would listen that I was having an affair with this man I didn't even know.

I completely believe that his delusions (which are like memories to him now) are directly tied to his feelings. It's as if his brain is showing him what he needs to see to justify his feelings. We had been really struggling in our relationship and he convinced himself I was having an affair. He "saw" what he needed to see to support that feeling, even though he will admit to not "seeing" anything out of the ordinary that night. His "memories" of the night began developing the next day.

It's so hard knowing that we are getting a divorce over "affairs" that never happened.  He says he needs me to confess because he has proof that he has seen with his own eyes. He believes he has seen that proof with everything in him. I know for a fact that is impossible because I have never been unfaithful in a relationship.  I believe that is a choice and it's not who I am. I am struggling now to detach and stop defending myself, which is incredibly difficult to do.

As sad as this is to say, I am so glad I have found others who have dealt with this type of insanity.  Thanks for listening.