I am gone. Seeing the trees not the forest.

[unortel]

It has now been 6 weeks since I moved out of the home of my BPDW.  I can now see the trees in the forest. I find myself like a dog tilting his head, saying "did you just say? that does not make sense and that is not my reality anymore"

The other thing is I can clearly see the ex in all her glory. From hour to hour I do not know who I will be speaking to. I do feed some of that because I am not reacting (being manipulated) and he efforts seem to have doubled.

I can see that just about everything she does is manipulation. From the almost tears, to dropping of wanting sex, to saying just how cute I am, to the admonitions for me to talk to my GOD about how I could do this and oh soo many more.

My two  kids g16/b14 both recognize that mom has issues and can't help it. ( or chooses not to help it)

I do struggle with the intermittent reinforcement. She will appear to be on the path to acting like an adult, appearing calm and rational and taking responsibility for her behavior. BUT underneath it still creeps out that it is my fault, I am a mean  man( I hold her accountable to what she is saying and correct her turn of words in the wrong direction) , I am not being a Christian man( I don't know her highly judgmental God), my past actions made her this way( her own brother a social worker said was always this way) and more.

This has been a very hard decision to step away from this. Ultimately I hope to have created a place of calm with no eggshells all over for my children. So far when they are at my place we just kind of hang out, do stuff with out stress, it is awesome.    

I hope all of you on this board find strength and clearness of thought while we journey through this.

[Surnia]

Hi unortel

Yes, separation is a very hard desicion, I can relate with it!

I hope you can find your way, and calm and stressless days with your children.