Winning... as Charlie Sheen would say

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, I read a statement on this forum somewhere in the last week that went something like this:

The only way to win the game with a pwBPD is NOT TO PLAY.



1 month down.  Today... .so far... .I'm winning! It still hurts like hell. But if I change my perspective from being frustrated (angry, disappointed in myself for ever letting myself get involved, etc.) and take a good look at the progress that I've made... .

When I remind myself that today... .so far... .I'm winning.  I feel just a little bit better. I'm stronger than I was.  I bet you are too. 

Yes, one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time... .we win with every moment that we choose NOT to engage in their BPD insanity.    Similarly, I think we earn (self-esteem/grownth) bonus points when we face/address/improve on our own issues that made us vulnerable to them in the first place.

Thanks to everyone who participates, shares, supports. Thank you for all you share in your recovery process and especially for all the folks at bpdfamily.com. You make a difference.

[Learning2Thrive]

Well, I read a statement on this forum somewhere in the last week that went something like this:

The only way to win the game with a pwBPD is NOT TO PLAY.



1 month down.  Today... .so far... .I'm winning! It still hurts like hell. But if I change my perspective from being frustrated (angry, disappointed in myself for ever letting myself get involved, etc.) and take a good look at the progress that I've made... .

When I remind myself that today... .so far... .I'm winning.  I feel just a little bit better. I'm stronger than I was.  I bet you are too. 

Yes, one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time... .we win with every moment that we choose NOT to engage in their BPD insanity.    Similarly, I think we earn (self-esteem/grownth) bonus points when we face/address/improve on our own issues that made us vulnerable to them in the first place.

Thanks to everyone who participates, shares, supports. Thank you for all you share in your recovery process and especially for all the folks at bpdfamily.com. You make a difference.

[iLoveHer2.0]

Great for you! I'm currently tied in my match... .

oh and I KNOW it hurts like hell, but kudos to you for staying strong and staying the course!

I'm rooting for you!

[Learning2Thrive]

Great for you! I'm currently tied in my match... .

oh and I KNOW it hurts like hell, but kudos to you for staying strong and staying the course!

I'm rooting for you!

iLoveHer2.0, thanks for your support. It always helps to know someone is cheering you on.  I bet you are stronger today than yesterday.  Hang in there. You can do this. Forward progress.

[Bananas]

The only way to win the game with a pwBPD is NOT TO PLAY.

That is so true.  Ironic too, for me as my ex is OBSESSED with winning.  He has to win at everything.  I am sure he thinks he won this time too. 

[fiddlestix]

Bananas, my dBPD ex wife was also very competitive.  She would get mad if she did not win. If I happened to be ahead in ping pong she would be upset.  As soon as she took the lead her mood would tangibly improve.  Pictionary, whist, whatever the game... .if she lost she was pissed and would blame the partner (often me).  And at card parties she refused to partner with a lesser player because she hated to lose.  Is this fierce competition typical of BPD?   

Fiddlestix

[Learning_curve74]

Yes, my exBPDgf told me that her trying to hook up with other guys was a "game". I'm not a game, I'm a person. I don't care about "winning" because that's a losing proposition when it comes to personal relationships!

She claimed that I was different from the other guys, and I actually believe that was true. But that didn't make things right. In the end we both "lost".  :'(

[Learning_curve74]

Ugh, I feel bad about feeling bad... .(see above)

Another observation is that if you look at the Karpman drama triangle, it's often drawn upside down with the persecutor and the rescuer above and the victim at the bottom. A truly healthy relationship has both partners on equal emotional level, whereas an unhealthy relationship where the partners move through the three roles in the Karpman triangle has one person in a "one up" position over the victim position. It's a game, to get in the one up position over the other person... .