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Reg
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« on: October 02, 2013, 04:15:32 AM » |
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Hi,
Just a story I wanted to share. The relation is now finished since 1 January, with the exception of four long talks about BPD between April and early June without result. After that no contact, with the exception of a financial matter, she's paying me back every month and tries to 'forget' sometimes. But she knows what she's facing if she doesn't. So just a few mails on the matter. But it is one of her ways to force me to make contact. My mails are telegram style. It works.
Saturday night I got an e-mail from her. I probably had seen it already on her FB, she didn't do this to seek contact, as she didn't want any ever again, but she had to tell me that her dog had died the night before, as I had bought it for her.
Am I interested in her FB ? No ! Have I blocked her and everyone 'close' to her ? Yes.
Looked at the FB page from another account, 6 pics of the dog that I had made, not the ones she had made. A lot of drama, but not a word on what had happened. One of her 'distant' friends asked what happened, no reaction on the matter.
I bought her this dog almost three years ago. She could never really handle it, while I had no problems with her. And she knows I missed my dog. Is it nice that she did let me know ? In normal circumstances, yes it is, but there's more to this story.
I answered her e-mail : I had no idea. Sorry to hear bad news. Thanks. Wishing you strength. Simple reply : thanks
Looked again Sunday from that account if there was anything on the matter what happened. No reaction. Normally nothing is public on her page. Now a message she was about to leave to a location at the coast, just a few miles from my home, added drama, to get over things, etc. Going to a place on the beach where we used to go.
Some reactions had been coming while she was already gone. Showing she had already another dog since some time as well. And that there was a situation again with her and her daughter. I heard that the message was gone the same evening upon her return. So she does not only have replacements ready for people, but even for her dog ?
Conclusion ?
She's hoping I will ask her what happened, by not telling it. That would re-establish contact. Than she can add drama as well to the situation. As much I would like to know what happened with 'our' dog, I'm not willing to play her games on that matter. It is sad it happened, I am sad it happened, and I will never know what was the cause. I've accepted it as there's no possibility for normal contact and behavior from her side.
She was hoping that by reading that she went to the coast I would try to meet her to ask what happened or to comfort her even perhaps. I'm no longer interested.
What I'm saying is, if you are confronted with contact, sit down, analyse the situation, and you will see it has only one reason in most of the cases : manipulation from the borderline behavior. Contact = attempt for a recycle.
They try to manipulate you on vulnerable moments or subjects. My ex took contact to talk about 'her illness' on the day I had buried my father. She denied she knew anything about it. I never believed her. Now she tries it with the dog I liked so much.
She can now paint me black that I'm not even interested in what happened. What a bad person I am. No feelings, etc.
I may end up being the one with BPD in her stories. I don't care, my life is a lot better without her. I've been working on my issues, she's just denying her own.
Keep working on you, focuss on you, let go of the drama !
Reg
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