He is back but now he's mad that I "got over him too easily"

[Violista]

My ex left me about six weeks ago, we'd been on the verge of breaking up for about a month before that too.

Within about four or five days after it was over, he told me he was seeing someone else.

It seems that this was not true, but I did hear a few more mentions of him having some interest in two girls. I don't think anything actually happened though.

We've talked occasionally and intermittently since the breakup, usually he's been kinda rude and showed a lot of anger about the way I supposedly treated him badly.

Today we spoke on the phone for ages, and he said that he is over me and just wants to be friends. We decided to meet for "a friendly drink".

All of that talk of being "friends" changed abruptly when he worked out that I may have hooked up with someone else in the six weeks since we last saw each other (I did a bit last weekend, I haven't actually slept with anyone though, I've been too brokenhearted over the ex to think about guys until about a week ago).

Suddenly I was being called a slut, accused of getting over him too quickly and of not having any feelings for him. He then hung up on me.

What on earth? This is someone who says he is "over me" and just wants to be friends? This is someone who has several times mentioned an interest in other girls since our breakup? This is someone who once in the past actually left me for another girl, dumped me by text message while he was already on his way to a camping trip with her? THAT'S getting over someone too quickly.

I said to him "but you told me you were seeing someone else within a week of us breaking up" and he said "so what, does that mean that's an invitation for you to do it?"

What does that even MEAN?

God he is so FRUSTRATING... .

[Surnia]

Yes violista, this is very frustrating, I would be soo angry in your shoes... .

Double standards - he has a very different standard for you and for himself.

I said to him "but you told me you were seeing someone else within a week of us breaking up" and he said "so what, does that mean that's an invitation for you to do it?"

Many of us try to balance it out, we try to treat others equal or even better than our selfs. He is doing it the other way round - the huge piece of cake for him, the left overs for others.

[Violista]

I "got over him too easily" eh... .if he only knew the level of the depression I went through after he left... .

If he only knew how many times I craved to have him in my arms again

If it even mattered to him at all that I'm still keeping guys at a distance because I'm not over him

How dare he tell me I don't have feelings for him and got over him too quickly, he is so wrong and he has no idea... .

[drv3006]

IHow dare he tell me I don't have feelings for him and got over him too quickly, he is so wrong and he has no idea... .

Aint that the truth!

[Violista]

Well one thing has become clearer... .

Just as I suspected, he has admitted that he was never seeing anyone while we were apart, but says he "lied to hurt me"

[Violista]

Oh jesus... .now it's back to "I love you and I want to spend my life with you".

I don't know what to do anymore, i'm so overwhelmed with a rollercoaster of feelings.

One part of me loves him so much, another part of me just wants to run.

He is demanding an answer about whether we could get back together, and it doesn't seem possible to explain to him that I have doubts because of the way he acts without making him feel like I don't love him.

If I give him vague answers he accuses me of messing with him.

I'm scared that if I get back with him I will be overwhelmed with the way he acts again, he'll find some new way to hurt me, and that I'll end up hurting him again, as I inevitably seem to do even when I try not to.

I'm scared that if I DON'T get back with him, he will have nobody, there will be less chance of someone convincing him to get some therapy, and I myself will miss him for a really long time.

Why on earth do I still feel so much love and compassion for this guy... .

[Surnia]

Hi Violista

Yes, this is indeed a rollercoaster! 

Loving someone doesn't means automatically being in a rs with this person.

Your fears about being hurt again are realistic I think.

Yes, you will miss him, when you are not going back to him. About the fear and his therapy I am a bit blunt: This is his business, he has to come to conclusion for himself to go to a T.

He is demanding an answer about whether we could get back together

Mmh, quite a pressure... . 

[Violista]

God I think now he thinks we're back together just coz we spent a nice day together and just coz I admitted that I love him and we were affectionate to each other all day

And i'm worried if I tell him I don't want to get back together and need to test the waters first if he wants that and don't want to exclude other guys until I've done so, he'll either rage or get upset