Should I stay or should I go?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am just figuring out that I have been in a relationship with a BPD girlfriend for 3-years.

She presented with words, gifts, and behavior that we were going to make it.

However, now, I'm sadly, painfully, learning that it was all about sex.

She exited stage-right 3-times in the last three months.

We haven't spoken for 2.5-weeks now.

Will she be back?

Should I open the door?

I have tried to contact her through voicemail and text, but no response.

On top of it, I just paid $4k to put her through fantastic college program that will open a new window of opportunity for her with a  new direction.

I was looking out for her, and our best interest. Clearly, she wasn't looking out for mine, as she is gone, like dust in the wind, and my heart, mind, and soul has been shattered into dust particles.

I am convinced that there is someone new, and that she couldn't care less about me now.

I have never experienced the thoughts and feelings that I have been experiencing with this woman.

We were high school crushes, who after 25-years, just reconnected 3-years ago.

Where did the last 3-years go? Where did she go?

[KTM]

I am just figuring out that I have been in a relationship with a BPD girlfriend for 3-years.

She presented with words, gifts, and behavior that we were going to make it.

However, now, I'm sadly, painfully, learning that it was all about sex.

She exited stage-right 3-times in the last three months.

We haven't spoken for 2.5-weeks now.

Will she be back?

Should I open the door?

I have tried to contact her through voicemail and text, but no response.

On top of it, I just paid $4k to put her through fantastic college program that will open a new window of opportunity for her with a  new direction.

I was looking out for her, and our best interest. Clearly, she wasn't looking out for mine, as she is gone, like dust in the wind, and my heart, mind, and soul has been shattered into dust particles.

I am convinced that there is someone new, and that she couldn't care less about me now.

I have never experienced the thoughts and feelings that I have been experiencing with this woman.

We were high school crushes, who after 25-years, just reconnected 3-years ago.

Where did the last 3-years go? Where did she go?

[jdtm]

Hmm ... .your original question - "should I stay or should I go?"  Whenever someone asks this question, I believe that person already knows the answer - just hoping that some one "out there" will validate what he/she wants; not what he/she needs to do.  So sorry ... .

[Aussie0zborn]

I only read this one line in your post as I scrolled down to see how long it was... ."I'm covniced there is someone else and she couldnt care less".

Based on that, and the question you're asking, you should definitely go. Godspeed!

[Vindi]

IF YOU are asking to stay or go, something in you is saying that things are not right. You are at a crossroad and only you can decide which path to take.

thats awful that you put out $4k to help her, and now she is gone... .

I know your heart is in pain, and your feelings at an all time low... .and you can either try to take her back and go thru the same vicious circle as you have or let her go and take this as a tough learning lesson of what happens when you are involved with a pwBPD... .

i wish you the best.

[crystal]

No one should be treated the way you are being treated, regardless of how good she made you feel before.

She likely will be back. you asked, so I will say. NO you should not open the door. And that will be really tough.

Best to you.

Crystal

[SeekerofTruth]

What V said:

  you can either try to take her back and go thru the same vicious circle as you have or let her go and take this as a tough learning lesson of what happens when you are involved with a pwBPD... .

And to be the contraian i would say

or if and when she does "attempt" to come back... .CONFRONT her (usually BPDs hate that and crazy talk ensues), but none the less, gently confront... .you know that hurt when i did not hear from you, is the thanks i get for helping you with the 4K?  Does she own it and apologize or do yu get BS?

Finally, again to be contraian, I say CONFRONT further in a caring way... .

has she heard of borderline personality disorder, as a type of disorder that gets played in close intimate relationship where the one who loves the BPD often times gets hurt by their behavior, i.e. emotional reactivity, fear of abandonment so they abandon you first over some trigger you really don't know about?

Is she ready to change that about herself, so you two can learn and grow from this?

Is she willing to go to treatment or have an evaluation... .otherwise, you won't put up with the drama.  Clear, concise boundaries.  Please note, the chances of getting thru the list in the affirmative i just cited is very slim because of the denial and projection.

But this way you will know... .and go back to the above:  What V said.

[pallavirajsinghani]

I think that the very basis of your question is erroneous.

You do not have a choice to stay or to go.

She has made that choice for you.

She has left you.

You have no choice but to respect her choice completely and fully.

Having said that, chances are strong that she will return when she needs emotional validation and/or more money for college.