Bf's Ex and jobs: am I being silly?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey all,

So I'm looking at getting a pt job that would fall into my skill set, but this job is very very near where my bf's ex lives and ALSO in her realm of "interests" (if you can say she actually has those) so the likelihood of her showing up there is actually kinda high.   

Her attempts at contacting my bf have been brief and few and far between the past couple of years, so she's probably forgotten that either of us exist.  BUT she is deeply unstable, so... .idk. 

Am I being dumb worrying about this?  She has a history of trying to mess with people at their jobs in the past.  It doesn't usually work, but still.  I am pretty sure if I actually saw her I would have a bad physical reaction too.   Just... .don't want that mess back in my life.

This is actually the reason I will not get on LinkedIn: I know she is on there and I don't think you can block people on it.  She can barely use a computer however I'm not comfortable laying out a list of "here are all the places where you can try to **** with me!" My bf thinks this is silly, she's "moved on", but he has a history of not understanding/brushing aside the severity of this person's abuse and instability.  I don't know how many times I've heard "She's done with me THIS time!" only to have her call 45 times the next day, or "She would never do THAT" and I have ten examples of THAT. 

Do you all think I'm being silly or placing too much importance on this?  It IS her controlling me, to an extent.  I know, there are other jobs... .

[Weird Fishes]

Hey all,

So I'm looking at getting a pt job that would fall into my skill set, but this job is very very near where my bf's ex lives and ALSO in her realm of "interests" (if you can say she actually has those) so the likelihood of her showing up there is actually kinda high.   

Her attempts at contacting my bf have been brief and few and far between the past couple of years, so she's probably forgotten that either of us exist.  BUT she is deeply unstable, so... .idk. 

Am I being dumb worrying about this?  She has a history of trying to mess with people at their jobs in the past.  It doesn't usually work, but still.  I am pretty sure if I actually saw her I would have a bad physical reaction too.   Just... .don't want that mess back in my life.

This is actually the reason I will not get on LinkedIn: I know she is on there and I don't think you can block people on it.  She can barely use a computer however I'm not comfortable laying out a list of "here are all the places where you can try to **** with me!" My bf thinks this is silly, she's "moved on", but he has a history of not understanding/brushing aside the severity of this person's abuse and instability.  I don't know how many times I've heard "She's done with me THIS time!" only to have her call 45 times the next day, or "She would never do THAT" and I have ten examples of THAT. 

Do you all think I'm being silly or placing too much importance on this?  It IS her controlling me, to an extent.  I know, there are other jobs... .

[Kwamina]

Hello Weird Fishes,

I don't think you're being silly at all. I understand your worries since you've had bad experiences with her in the past. Things like this really make it do seem like these BPD people are still controlling so many aspects of our lives. Say you would take the job, do you feel like there are any steps you can take to protect yourself just in case anything would happen?

[Grey Kitty]

I think your fears are completely valid too.

What will you do with those fears?

Is it best for you to choose to avoid the risk of encountering this difficult woman at that job?

Or is it best for you to move forward in your working life by taking the job and accepting that it has some risk? (As you said, she has a history of trying to mess with people at their jobs, but not much success at it)

Your fear is real. The choice on what you do based on it is yours alone.

[Weird Fishes]

Hi Grey Kitty and Kwamina,

thank you so much for your replies.  I have a really bad habit of reading replies on my phone and saying, "I'll reply later at a computer!"... .and then I don't for weeks.  BUT: I do really really appreciate everyone who speaks with me on my posts here.  The effort you all make has been invaluable and I only wish I could help people like the people and mods on bpdfamily.com.

What will I do with those fears?

Turns out I'll do what I have a really nasty habit of doing: hemming, hawing and avoiding til the pressure goes away.  I fretted for two weeks and now it is probably too late to apply.  After a bit more research into the job it seems like they may be looking for someone with a bit more specific skills than I have, which also scared me away from applying (although it made me a bit more confident re: the ex, because it made it less likely that she has been trying to brown nose her way around the organization... .)

it kind of brings up a larger issue, namely my fears of failing and bad things happening.  It has kept me back from trying my whole adult life. 

Today I decided the person in front of me at the coffee shop was toxic because of her body posture/mannerisms.  I don't know if I'm astute or going nuts or a mixture of the two.

I'm working on mindfulness, slowly, and challenging myself, but still got a lot of things to work on.